| Hi everybody, I'm new here and wasn't sure what section to post this in so apologies if there was a better section than this one! Anyway about me...
I learned to pick up girls about 4 years ago, then got into a string of relationships, the last one pretty serious, then it fucked up...lol. So I'm here to re-introduce myself, get back on track and hopefully not make the same mistakes as last time. I wanted to provide something more than just saying hello so I've written down a list of the 11 most important things I learned during my 2 years of being active on the scene so I can contribute to the already heaving body of resources and information on this site. I hope somebody finds this useful, and I'm well and truly single again and back out in the open in the UK so if anybody wants to meet up send me a PM.
The 11 most important things I learned from 2007-2009, its all just my experience, some of these things won't apply to you, but if one person can benefit from this post then I'll feel it was worth typing all this...
1) Read less, practise more
This is something your hear time and time again, so I'm not going to bang on about it, but trust me this really is the most important thing you can do. You can't learn to ski from a book, and skiing is easier than picking up super-hot girls, so seriously, go out and practise. Practise on your lunch break, practise in supermarkets, on your way to the post office, in the queue for the GUM clinic, anywhere. Go out and practise in bars with other PUAs. Sites like this one are perfect for meeting like minded people* and with a bunch of PUA friends you have the opportunity to practise every day if you can afford to. If you find a good wing go out every night together. He will become your shadow
*Be wary of PUA-type people that just want to get together and stand around in a bar talking about how great they are at pickup whilst all the girls walk past them (naming no names). This often happens when groups of four or more PUAs get together, they all become a bit nervous because the stakes are raised and if they get blown out in front of the other guys it would be humiliating, so they just avoid opening sets all together
2) Teach yourself
I always have a rule that is.."70% you, 20% game and %10 luck". By this I mean it is important not to get too caught up in trying to be someone else to pull girls. Girls are better at social situations than we are, and they can spot if you're not being yourself. However, as ideal as this "70% you" sounds, as I'm sure you are now screaming...but wait...what if you is a sad, awkward, weedy, nerdy little man who masturbates to photos of their sisters friends on facebook? Surely you'd want to hide that as much as possible? Yes, but pretending to be someone else isn't the answer. The answer is to slowly teach yourself so it becomes you. Like most inner game stuff, this is a difficult concept to explain so imagine this example...
You are not a guitarist, you have never touched a guitar, but someone shows you how to play four simple chords on the guitar, and you learn those chords – that does not make you a guitarist. But if you take the knowledge of those four chords and experiment with them, try changing certain notes to find sounds you like, invent a new order to play those chords in, write a new song using those chords – then, and only then, do you become a guitarist.
The same applies to pickup. Don't stand with your shoulders apart and hold your drink by your side because the body language books have told you to do it, stand like that because its just how you stand now.
The 20% game in my equation refers to new game that you have not tried before and not had the opportunity to integrate fully into your personality, or routines you use as a last resort when you feel stuck. The "70% you" should be stuff you have done a million times, can do without thinking about and do your own way. This is the part that will get the girls. At first, the 70% you will not do you any favours, it will seem to be hindering you, but you must not just try and go all out. At first, concentrate on opening, once you have opened you can be yourself, make an excuse to leave if it goes badly as a result, but do it enough times and opening will become part of your personality, it will become completely natural, then you can move on to building attraction, then getting sex, then getting sex straight away, then keeping lots of girls on rotation who all want to have sex with you. Each step of the way you are internalising a small 20% Game into your personality, don't try and do it all at once or your will just bring yourself down when you don't get results. I have seen too many pickup artists trying to do NLP or cold reading on girls when they can't even open properly or hold an engaging conversation. They were definitely trying to take on too much at once.
The 10% luck you can forget about. Shit happens, drinks spill on new dresses, gorgeous girls say no, you get chlamydia. Just move on.
3) There's nothing wrong with canned openers
By "canned opener" I mean anything you are opening with purely on the basis that it has worked before. I don't mean going up to girls and asking them about some photographs of your friend's ex, I mean saying "I like your necklace thats ace", "do you have a lighter?", or "hi there how are you?". Yes, that last one is a canned opener, because you don't actually care how she is, nobody ever does when they ask that, its simply something you have used before to talk to a stranger and you know it works. Canned openers are things you use over and over again and are completely prepared, completely insincere and completely...well...canned.
This isn't a major point, but I feel its a topic that rarely gets covered on forums. The point is that in theory – direct openers are better than canned openers. Observational openers are better than canned openers....in theory. But in practise, what I have found is that canned openers are waaaaay easier and at the end of the day the opener is about 0.1% of your set anyway so why does it matter? From my experience anyway, direct openers require more courage (which you won't always have). Observational openers require quick thinking and a degree of luck (which you won't always have). Canned openers can be used on anbody, anywhere, any time. And by the law of averages, if you can maximise the number of sets you feel confident opening you will maximise your results. They get you in set quickly and efficiently, and when you have opened enough sets, you will come up with your own openers that work for you. These will become your canned openers in time, there really is no point in torturing yourself to come up with elaborate opening lines or be direct when you are feeling a bit shy.
Quick note about "Being yourself". I am well aware about the rant I had about how its important to "be yourself", but openers do not apply simply because in the grand scheme of talking to girls, sleeping with girls, and ultimately turning yourself into the next Russel Brand, openers are completely insignificant. I can remember most of the girls I have slept with, but I can't remember what I opened any of them with, and neither can they. Because its an excuse to talk and thats it. So in this case, for the first five seconds of a conversation, you don't need to worry about being yourself too much.
4) State (aka "inner game")
This is the last thing I learned out of all the points on this list, but I feel its one of the most important. Basically, after a while I noticed that I was having bad nights every now and again. I couldn't work out why I was bombing and it really frustrated me. Then I realised that I just hadn't been that "up for it" those nights. I had had a lot on my mind, I'd gone out in a hurry or I was getting shit from some girl I was phasing out over text. Do you ever get go to the toilets to have a piss and find yourself staring at the wall telling yourself to "perk up, have fun, you are sexy, you are all that is man!"? That's because you have low state and you know it. I went to a PUA conference a while back and some guy (I can't remember his name) got everybody in the room clapping and cheering to music to raise their "state". It worked, and it has amazing effects. Before you go out, put some music on REALLY loud. Do your hair, put your shoes on, spray yourself in eau de toilette, and just dance around the room on your own punching the air for a bit. Self-motivation works best when its dramatic and it is incredibly strong.
5) Remember its a game
I know I keep saying "this is the most important point on the list", but this one really is. You can't take pickup too seriously or you will have low state and fail. It has to be a game, that's why its called The Game after all. Don't go up to a girl with the hope of getting her to sleep with you, or getting her phone number. Go up to a girl with the hope of getting one over on your wingman. "Thats one point for me" sort of thing. If you are on your own, then keep a scorecard. A long chat is 2 points, a quick chat is 1 point and a blow out is minus 5 points* Make having conversations with girls into a lighhearted game and keep it that way. This way when you get rejected or do badly you can just "respawn" and carry on playing without getting too down about it. A bit like that game Call of Duty. I've seen people going nuts playing that game, but you wouldn't be so confident and cocky if you really were in a gunfight in Iraq would you?
*You probably shouldn't give yourself a score if you end up sleeping with someone or seeing them on a regular basis, that's quite immoral
6) Warm Up
This is linked with the point about State, but it makes the list because I have found that the easiest way to get into a positive, alpha male state is by getting warmed up. I always have a rule of 3 practise sets before I get to the bar. This could be anything from quickly asking for directions, to sparking up a conversation with the cashier when buying cigarettes (or chewing gum, if you are not a drain on the NHS like I am). The point of these 3 practise sets is simply to remind yourself that you can approach strangers and have a pleasant conversation with them, and you are not a social retard.
7) Look good
This sounds obvious, but I was surprised how many PUAs I met when I got into this that went out in a t shirt and jeans that they clearly bought from Tesco. Seriously, the first bite is with the eye. Look good. Go on mens' fashion websites and keep up with the latests fashions. Scoure eBay religiously looking for unique pieces of jewelery or eye-catching t shirts, and keep good CLEAN shoes. There is a proven effect in psychology called the "Halo Effect" that basically says all people are pretty bad at forming complex opinions of other people. If we see one good thing about someone we tend to assume they are good at everything. This is why you wear a suit to a job interview and its the same reason girls fancy ugly musicians. He's a brilliant singer, he must be great in bed. He is wearing a very smart suit, he must be a reliable worker. The same psychology aplies to pickup. Look good and you won't have to work as hard at what you say and do. Body language comes into this too, if you have bad posture then no amount of designer gear will make you look sexy.
Another quick note on this, wear red. Nobody wears bright red when they go out, but its been proved to invoke perceptions of strength and boldness on people, so why not? You don't want to be a calm blue sky or a soothing green ocean, you want to be a loud, confident smash-up-the-pharmacy-and-snort-all-the-ketamine RED.
8 ) Learn what a "neg" is
This may not apply so much anymore, but when I got into the game about 3 years ago everybody was trying to use "negs". I think people got really seduced by the Mystery Method and decided that they too can be mysterious magicians that go around "negging" girls into bed.
Its on this list though because, unlike a lot of Mystery Method, this does actually work. But you have to use it properly, and you have to internalise the negging process so it becomes a natural part of your charm with girls. Remember, a neg is a negative compliment. It is NOT an insult. This sounds so stupid and obvious but I have witnessed many PUAs just plain out insulting a girl then aftwards saying "I don't know why she walked off, I did everything right, I even managed to neg her". No, you didn't, you just insulted her. A negative compliment is something like "Nice earrings! I like the way you've gone for the whole Cheryl Cole look"*. Negs work on another level of conversation than just talking, they work on the implied meaning, level. But the trick is to make it sound sincere enough that she is questioning whether you really meant it, or whether you were taking the piss. So a neg can't sound sarcastic, it has to sound sincere. And the desired reaction you are going for is....pause, she looks like she is thinking, "hahaha! cheeky" as she gets what you actually meant. Its like a good joke, the important part is the millisecond gap between hearing the punchline and working out what it means. This is the art of negging. It doesn't work on everyone, but when it does work it works really well.
*If you are not British, replace Cheryl Cole with the name of any other ghastly trashy, yet attractive celebrity
9) Social Proof
Of the many things you can learn about in books, this is one of the most important. I remember Adam Lyons once talking about something he called "Entourage Game", where he goes out with a huge crowd of people, basically carrying his social proof around with him. That's great, but for the average bloke just going to a bar in his local town you can probably scale that down a bit. The principle is the same though. Go out with friends you can rely on. Female friends are better than male friends, hot female friends are even better. If you are going out alone or with just one other PUA then you need to make your first priority to be making friends wherever you go. This can be combined with "warming up" as I mentioned earlier, but basically when you walk in somewhere you need to get rapport straight off. Even if its just the barman, learn his name, tell him yours, then when you need a quick shot of social proof you can shout to him across the bar with some witty remark - thus appearing to be well connected and mates with the people that run our lives....bar staff. Remember, standing at a bar on your own is sad, standing at your mates bar with all your bar staff friends is cool. And all it takes is learning some names
10) Ditch the nickname
Seriously guys, having a cool PUA nickname is fine for posting on the internet, or when you want to use an alias for writing, but don't go up to a bunch of PUAs you've just met and say "Hi, I'm Enigma" or whatever. And especially don't let girls hear you calling yourself that. Its not big and its not clever. You want to make friends with the PUAs you meet, and you want to make sweet sweet love with the girls you meet, so call yourself by your real name. Normal nicknames are fine, if people call you "Chaz" or "Paddy" then thats ok, but do you honestly expect anybody to believe that your nickname in real life is "Orgasmotron" ? Richard De La Ruina doesn't go around in real life introducing himself as "Gambler" and neither should you.
11) Swallow Your Pride
Last but not least is an obvious lesson that most people I've met are absolutely fine with, but there are one or two "pickup artists" that I've been out with who are completely convinced they are God's gift to women and are more than happy to explain all their techniques*, yet they don't encourage you, they don't wing for you, they criticise what you did wrong in a sneering way, yet never seem to feel the need to lead by their obviously amazing example. Don't be one of these people. Be a humble, agreeable, mature pickup artist who admits he needs some help and is more than happy to help his fellow brothers with encouragement and positive actions. We're all in the same boat or we wouldn't be here
*Yes, I realise the irony in my massive post explaining all my techniques
Right I'm off to meet an ex girlfriend for a rebound fuck, don't judge me on it, becoming a PUA again starts tomorrow!
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CHAT
