I will admit that this is my biggest issue.

All my life, I have hated the big boss guys, usually idiots, who dominated the social circles.

I have been dealing with approach anxiety , appearance, body language, attractive lifestyle, etc. .....but......none of that is the core of the matter. Don't get me wrong, all of that stuff absolutely does matter(especially the older you get), but that stuff is not the core. The core is being the guy at the center of the circle, whatever that means in a given context.

What I have done in regard to this "core" is learn to get into what many call "state". I can do that, for a while.

Just this past weekend I hit a club by myself. I was looking good, immediately began talking to the first person i saw. Sat at the bar right by the door, hit on some women as they walked in, playfully. Then I spotted two women sitting alone on a bench seat. I immediately went and squeezed in between them and put my arm around each of them and they giggled and went along with it and started chatting to me. However, somewhere along the way I lost my state and began to feel like I needed them more than they needed me, and they picked up on it and got cold and basically kicked me out. I went and danced in the middle of the dance floor by myself, which attracted a couple of women on the dance floor. However I knew that all the people around were looking at me as some fringe guy they didn't know, I was definitely not "in". I left shortly afterward, not wanting to be "that guy".

I would like to hear from people who have real world experience, and not just theory. All advice appreciated.

imho you are a total idiot if you go to a club on your own and -even thought many peopz here might disagree- in the real world most people think about it this way.
Therefor they'll react like I just did 'who is this pathetic guy?'. I don't want to offend you that's just how it is.

x Lor

btw: this is reallife-experience. I can remember tons of moments where guys who were in a club by themself like that got laughed at.

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smack-in-the-faceclose

I take no offense, just whatever is honest and from personal experience, like you said.

it sounds like you are saying "don't do that". lol ok , that's a valid answer I suppose, but I truly do not have anything close to a "wing". My friends are coupled up and when they go out they just sit at the bar, boring. I suppose they give me a group to walk back to after dancing, but that's about it.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with going out alone. You're only gonna look like an idiot if you do it the wrong way.

I've gone out alone tons of times and I've been the center of attention in the venue. If you're gonna do it, you're gonna do it right.

When entering a venue:

1. Open as soon as you walk in. You did this, good job.
2. Walk around the WHOLE venue and open sets with simple "Hey, how's your night?"
3. Do not stick to a set until you've walked around, warming up and making your presence known.
4. Finally, sets will start sticking by themselves. If not, start opening like you usually would.

Within the first 30 minutes or so, you're gonna start looking like the man of the club. Everybody will look at you and go "Omg, how does this person KNOW everybody?"

All you did was being social and nice to people. But in their eyes, it looks like you know everybody. People are gonna start thinking you're the promoter or even owner of the club.

Eventually, when you start opening for real and you get BLOWN OUT - it won't matter. Because you can easily re-open all the other sets in the entire club! They already know who you are and feel a sense of comfort with your presence.

What YOU did wrong was after the stage of 'quickly opening'. You forced yourself into a set by sitting down next to them. Sure, they went with it from the start. But after a while, they're gonna start wondering "Ok, who the hell is this guy? We don't even know him and he's sitting here without our permission, refusing to leave!"

What you should have done is either EJECTED and continuing to open sets quickly, or you could have tried to actually pick a target and isolate her. By just sitting down and smalltalking, you're taking the interaction NOWHERE. They WILL get bored then and you WILL start looking like the lonely guy that desperately seeks attention.

Just do it slightly differently next time, you've been doing great so far!

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Journal/Blog: journal-little-panda-vt135329.html

awesome, thanks for that.

I see where I derailed, and I think I might know why I did that. I read/heard that it is bad to circle a bar. I think I got that in my head wrong, its wrong to circle a bar without talking to anybody

going out alone is GREAT. In fact, to me it has shown to be THE most effective way to achieve a great state. Why? Because this gives me the feeling like I'm on the edge. When I'm with friends I'm usually more lazy to have fun, because they support me and I don't need to do much work.
Yet the best times of going out I have experienced when I went to totally new place, completely alone. But it takes a proper mindset. Also some practice in getting into this mindset.
If you go out there and just think to yourself that it won't work anyway, guess what? It won't. When I go out alone I usually think like this:

"I have no idea how it's gonna be. I have no idea whom I'm gonna meet (and sometimes even WHERE I'm gonna go . But I it makes no sense to go out and not have fun. So, I have no choice but to have fun!"

Whenever I went out with this mindset I almost always ended up having some adventures.

Good Luck!
Ivan

like I expected :p alot of people disagreeing. But I hold my ground.
Going out alone is socially not-done. I'm not arguing that it can be effective, it's just very creepy.

x

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smack-in-the-faceclose

Okay, so basically you have no real advice for this guy? He has said that his friends are all coupled and they don't want to go out. What are you saying? Since he has more opportunity to go out alone, he shouldn't? Just stay home? Kind of counter productive considering this is a PUA site, don't you think?

You should realize that what you are saying is YOUR perspective. By you saying that going out alone is creepy means that on some level you still think you can appear creepy. I invite you to investigate this part of you and see how you can accept it.

Going out alone to a nightclub is not impossible, but it is tough. It's really tough. I recommend it to anyone as a challenge to work on their skills. However, if your goal is to get better with women, create a social circle of people who you want to hang out with, and generally become that cool guy you use to envy, then I don't think going out consistently by yourself is the most efficient way to go about things. It can also lead to you getting discouraged and losing your motivation. I know that's happened to me.

If you don't have any guys to go out with, try doing daygame, during your lunchbreaks and on weekends. Since there is no social proof, bitch shields, or alcohol during the day, you can have much shorter, more honest interactions with women without the somewhat unnatural environment of the club or bar.

Your interactions can go a number of ways, but basically you can set up dates with the single ones, and become friends with the non-single ones. The non-single ones you can the invite out to social things like clubbing, bowling, etc. and simply have them as fun friends, have them as social proof, and have them help you get girls.

The other part to this is to start developing connections with guys who you enjoy spending time with and will go out with you on weekends and evenings. You can meet them anywhere - at your gym, on any number of hobbies you do, through mutual friends, etc. There is no excuse for not being able to find at least one good wing that will help you get laid and push you to develop your game. At the very least, you can use the meet up and wing section of this forum!

Hope this helps!

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Chill out dude. What do you think 'imho' means? And btw: thinking that it's somehow impossible to seem creepy is just ignorant.
But anywayz you do what you want. I have wings so I don't really care anyway.

PS: Blondguy has a good point, maybe give daygame a go.


peace Lor

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smack-in-the-faceclose

Hitting the club by yourself is even better than going in groups. Its a demonstration on how good you are without the help of wing men. There are times that these wing men may mess up your game or even worst, ruin your night. Going alone keeps you free from these kind of troubles.


I agree on circling the club and approaching people, it shows that you kind of own the place. It really shows your confidence. Go ahead, talk to the people around you and act as if you know them a lot. Stay calm and cool, do not show them that you want their attention. Act as if they bounced at that club just to see you.

Give it a try, Good Luck!

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Andy Yang
Learn Simple Steps To Successful Dating and Attraction at http://www.effectiveattraction.com

going out alone....I am going to try the wingman approach, but I'm also going to keep going alone.

The guy who said it is "socially not done" is actually correct. However, there are plenty of situations where there is no alternative besides staying at home.

Business trips - airport bars, hotel bars can become singles bars at times.
Friends away
New In Town
Lost relationship and friends went with it ( very common for older people )
No single friends ( very common for older people )

I think the trick at this point is lower expectations and don't get upset if you are the odd man out. After all, you really ARE the odd man out when you first walk in alone.
However plenty of people have worked out how to escape that trap.

I think with the right attitude beforehand, it should be at worst a sort of a drill, practicing how to work with a room of strangers.

It is a test of resourcefulness in a way.

I'm going to drop you in a swamp with nothing but a live chicken and a bowie knife, and I expect you to come out with 3 HB10's and a bottle of Dom Perignon at 0800 !

Im yet to solo sarge but I've seen a youtube of mystery recommending doing it. When you start from level 1 then you have no choice, it is better than staying in. I also find that I talk to at least some people if I go out on my own, where as with a wing, I rarely break out of my comfort zone.

Totally disagree with you here. Going out alone equals creepy, you say? That totally depends on the person IMO. There are still a ton of guys who go out in groups and are still creepy, so what is your point exactly? I went out by myself a few times and as long as you are being social and have fun, you are per definition not creepy. You would be creepy however, if you sit down at the bar the whole night by yourself and just randomly stare at everyone that walks by, at least that's my definition of creepy.