| I think I stumbled onto some broad techniques along the lines of those offered here. I feel like I can vouch for the efficacy of some of this, at least obliquely (barring the direct methods espoused). I realize this is all standard stuff, and these examples are by no means fast, but maybe it's interesting getting a noob's perspective on coming into a more structured methodology from one that's… well, not.
#1
The best example (of accidental game) I have would be this chick I worked with at a seasonal job. She's so hot some friends of mine (in their fucking early '30s) are afraid of talking to her; instead they talk behind her back about what a stuck-up bitch she is, how she just likes attention, how they want to bone her in some especially degrading way, blah blah blah. Dudes get MAD when talking about her, for no reason whatsoever. I called them out on being lame -- shit or get off the pot. She's not doing anything wrong, or making any obvious solicitations for praise, but she knows she's hot; I can't fault her for taking advantage of that. I use the advantages I have when I can.
When I first met her a few years ago, I was stunned. I shut down; didn't know what to say. I don't remember a whole lot about it, but I'm sure my puppy-dog infatuation was obvious. I was probably blindly accommodating to whatever she asked.
Fast forward a couple years. She's still hot, but I'm less appeasing. I decided if she's just looking for attention, she's not getting it from me. I'm going to treat her like she doesn't even register. She might as well have been a guy. I wasn't hostile, but I didn't cut her any slack, or do her any favors. I questioned her commitment to the job when she tried to delegate to me. When she worked late, and I was second to last in the office, I said, "See ya," and bailed.
And it wasn't a ploy. I'd mentally written her off as irrelevant to me, and focused on other girls.
The season ends, everyone disperses back to their respective routines, some e-mail addresses are exchanged (or were gotten as part of work). We hadn't maintained contact. A couple weeks later she asked me to see a movie (we went out a few more times, but there's no chemistry).
I could be way off, but the deciding factor seemed to be that I'd given up on winning her over; treated her no better or worse than anyone else. She hadn't paid attention to me before then. It was fascinating, really, how the less I tried, the more it seemed to "work."
#2
Here's another example I wouldn't necessarily call a "win," but I've remembered it nonetheless. Where the first girl didn't have to do anything to get attention, this second one has a routine worked out. It's this tomboy thing. If crassness were a contest, she'd be a world class contender. She was accepted into my circle of friends, and launched into her shtick right away. I thought, "What the fuck is this shit? Just stop. No one is falling for… Oh"
My guy friends went drool, drool, drool.
I actually hated her from the beginning (which never changed). Apart from me, there wasn't a guy around that wasn't somewhat enamored (fooled) by her song and dance. She's cute physically, but her show is too off-putting for me to tolerate. I don't dislike tomboys or foul-mouths, just that she was trying way too hard.
I didn't lavish her with attention.
But, because we ran in the same circles, I'd run into her often enough -- biting my tongue always. When I'd see her, there was the obligatory hug. But one time she was like, "What the hell was that?" I guess I was too stiff; I'm sure it was awkward because of my dislike for her. Long story short, she put me on the spot; made me hug her several times until it was "right."
Went to dinner with a big group. I was into her sister, who I sat across from. Some people left early, leaving one friend's car for five of us. Five-seater sedan. There was NO REASON for her to sit in my lap, but she did anyway.
In that instance, palpable hostility "worked," I guess; though I was genuinely not interested.
#3
Lastly, there's the third one. I'd worked with her on the same projects as number one. This was a few years ago, and she gave me no end of grief with her constant, unrelenting sarcasm. She's way educated (embedded in academia by now), so she'd be really smug about her jokes (no one else cared). I laughed them off, joked back; while actually fairly irritated with them. Not fun or playful, just repetitious. She was a pain in the ass to even deal with professionally. I wanted to be impressed in a way, since I like smart girls -- but no.
We didn't keep in touch. I saw her at an event/dinner maybe last year. I sat across from her. She was doing her usual thing, and she started in with me. Instead of trying to be a good sport, laughing it off, I just gave the reaction it merited. I watched the goings on at the rest of the table, interjected the odd comment. When she said something cutting to me, I just glanced over momentarily and smirked at her.
I had an urge to dramatically say "fascinating," stifling a yawn (haha). It was remarkable how clear the transition was. She actually, literally squirmed. Damnedest thing. Her look became different; a softer, steadier gaze. I don't know what to call it. Finally, she said,
"You're so mysterious…"
Can you believe that shit? It sounds preposterous and insipid. A cheesy comment; she's a cornball. It's possible she was still mocking me, but I sensed the unsteadiness in her voice; the confidence wasn't there anymore. I barely did shit, and the attitude she'd had for months/years toward me was changed.
I was able to lead the conversation from there; no more sniping at me. I wasn't compelled to do anything with this opportunity(?), but I enjoy the data.
Of course not all women respond to this bullshit, but I'm intrigued by the idea that this tactic can be deployed quickly.
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CHAT