I'm studying pick-up for few years now, and I watched all of the seminars there are, and tried almost any product.

The only thing that I am always missing from my game - is fucking interest!
I'm not even talking about sexual interest, that's easy.
I'm talking about being interesting, and not just with girls - everybody. I mean, if you can't be interesting among your friends in regular conversation, then there is no use looking for any other "technique" (inner/outer game) that will get you what you want.

So I tried all kind of ideas - using the voice tone to sound interesting - doesn't work.
I was looking for an idea that ALWAYS works, an idea that is not dependent on content. And the only thing that I found to be working so far - is exaggeration. I mean, even LYING if needed, but to simply exaggerate whatever it is that you're saying. People just don't want to hear anything "factual" that you have to say, they simply want the "nitty gritty" stuff that you can share (I guess it was used to help humans survive, so we're programmed to be interested in that).

For example:
Instead of saying "I was at work today and had a client that was asking me about some product that he was looking for". - that's the truth, the client was just asking me once if we have another type of product and I kindly said no to him, then he said "thanks" and walked away with a smile - but this is not very interesting is it?

I can take the exact same idea, and exaggerate it to make it sound cool, interesting, and attractive to people -
"Anyway.. I had this client today that just went ON AND ON about this STUPID product that he was looking for, and I'm trying to tell him for something like MILLION TIMES that we DO NOT HAVE this product, but this IDIOT was CERTAIN that he's right, so he starts interrogating me with his eyes as if I'm a FUCKING piece of meat, and I just wanted to PUNCH him in the face at that point! So then I started to lower my voice tone LIKE THIS and said "Listen, SIR, if we DID have the product then I would have told you, but we DO NOT have this product", I was about to ram this guy. But FINALLY the idiot backed down and walked out the store... man, what a RELIEF!"

Notice that my 2nd story was full of emotion, but it's not just that. If I would only put "emotion" in my words and exaggerate just that, then it wouldn't seem "legitimate" to put all that emotion with the 1st story - the listeners don't like people who just try to exaggerate things to make them sound cool
Yeah it's funny, but you actually gotta back up the exaggeration in your voice tone with actual content so it would seem logical to use such a voice tone. I'm afraid that this is the ugly truth - you gotta lie in order to make the voice tone and all the emotion in the story to sound real. I could not find any other "technique" to make the things I say to sound interesting.
Also notice that the story I had in my life is about nothing, just day to day life, but still I could make everyone interested in what I was saying, because of all the drama that I "had" in that scene.

To clarify: This 1 thing (being interesting) is so powerful because then you can create cool conversations out of the most trivial things.. for another example (with a girl) -
Man: "Are you also waiting for a table?"
Girl: "Yes"
Man: "WOW! This line is SOMETHING else, we are the ONLY 2 people out of EVERYONE in this room that do not have a place to sit in the bar!"
Girl: "yeah.." (getting more receptive).
Man: "How many are you in the group?" (a trivial boring question)
Gir: "7"
Man: "SEVEN?!? dude you're gonna take up ALL of our sits! I'm afraid I won't have that, that's just absurd! Did you ever think about the kids in Africa? they don't have ANY chairs there! they just sit on the floor or something.."
Girl: "hahaha"
Man: [any other trivial question]
Girl: [simple answer]
Man: [exaggerate the simple answer] - You can actually just repeat what the girl just said, but with a "wow" tone of voice, as if it is unique. That way you seem like you're passionate, although you actually don't give a shit about any of her answers.
Of course, you can still use "role-playing" and any other "technique". But let's face it, you can't role-play with her for more than a few minutes - after that it becomes weird. So the exaggeration is used to sound interesting, so you can be a social guy that "has" something to share.


I'm posting this idea to share, but also to hear if you have any other EFFECTIVE ideas so that I won't have to lie in order to make myself sound interesting?
Notice that anything you suggest that is content related will never work. I'm looking for something that can keep me going for my whole life, and that's why I'm posting this in the natural forum.

Please no "theories" in this thread, I want to make it authentic and realistic as possible.

Thanks!

Simple, become more interesting. Ie. Do more intresting things. If you just sit in you basement and play world of warcraft and talk about PU (and I am not implying that this is you, im using it as a general example) then of course you will not be interesting to anyone because you have no new experiences to contribute to them. Plus if you do the things you dont have to lie about them.

Here are some examples (I do or have done most of these things);
- Go skydiving
- Go Snowboarding, Skiing, Surfing, Paragliding, Water Skiing or wind-surfing
- Take up martial arts (Saying "I do kickboxing" or "I am a blackbelt" is really intereting)
- Play sport in general
- learn how to cook, play an instrument or pretty much learn anything new besides PU
- Go to a cool Music gig, see an intersting play, watch an intersting movie
- Travel (far, close, whatever you can afford)
- Set yourself some non-PU goals and achieve them

If you become interested in a thing you will become more intersting. And will bond with people better because you will have common interests. Actually be interested in the things you do and dont just do them to make yourself interesting (if you get what I mean). That way you will be more passionate about them. Surely, there must be something you are interesed in.

Naturally, exaggeration is also good and I sometimes use it TO AN EXTENT. Example;

When I went skydiving I enjoyed it but it was scary too. Here are to ways to say it both are true;

1. (boring) "I went skydiving yesterday. It was pretty cool. I was scared at first so the guy attached to me jumped for me. All in all it was fun."

2. (interesting - what I would say) "Went skydiving yesterday. I couldnt make myself jump so the instructor had to jump for me. I was SOOO scared. but the freefall, MAN what a rush. It was an experience I will never forget."

Notice how I said the same thing both times. The first one is likely to be ignored, the second one will lead to some questions being asked.

Oh and I forgot probably the most important thing....

--Believe yourself to be interesting--

If you think (and I mean truly, deeply believe) that you are interesting other people will probably think so too.

Most of the things above are more likely to make YOU think that you are interesting. And I guess they give you something different to talk about. But attitude toward oneself is key.

Thanks for the reply, and I wish you were right, but I'm afraid that doesn't work in real life. The only thing I kinda like doing is playing the guitar, and I have no plans to go on a ski trip any time soon. I just don't like doing all those "risky" things... I find them very uncomfortable. Truth is you don't really need to do any of those "extreme" sports, because there are tons of men (most of the men I know) that don't do any of that shit and date 1 girl after the other.

So let's lose that old cliche that you gotta do "interesting things" in order to be interesting. It's just not true. I know people who talk about NOTHING and everything they say is somewhat captivating and makes you wanna listen in - that's the skill I'm looking for.

What you're looking for is not interest then. Le Loup is right, if you want to sound more interesting, you have to be more interesting. And yes, risky/unusual stuff will do that. If you don't like risky stuff, force yourself to try it, it'll grow on you.

But what you are looking for has more to do with passion or charisma. Some people can captivate a group with talk about the weather. Hard to believe that that's got to do with passion (unless you're a weatherman). Instead, it's about inner game, which adjusts your BL, tone of voice, EC, etc. Getting there takes some time, and you've got to focus on your head, rather than all the external manifestations of what a healthy head looks like.

What you want to do is find things you have a passion for. Talk about those things, in descriptive detail. As your eyes light up, people will start paying attention. Start with talk about a band/show you're really into, see how that goes.

I'm not sure I get you. What exactly does it mean to have passion or charisma? I'm looking for the exact HOW-TO steps. I like music, but I don't feel any urge telling anyone about it in a passionate way. I'm saying that there are people who can talk about ANYTHING (not something that their passionate about, but literally anything) and they still sound interesting - even when they talk about some subject that they don't have a clue about it.

So again, I'm not looking for content related stuff, because those things die out very quickly, and would still get you stuck in the "I have nothing to say" situations. I'm looking for a way to never have that "blank" feeling - there are many people who are capable of being like that, they can talk with their friends for hours and it would seem like minutes for them. I NEVER have this kind of conversation with ANYONE. I ALWAYS run out of things to say, and I'm looking for a way to fix that. Some people have that ability, so I know it's possible, I just need to find the wise man who's able to describe the HOW-TO steps in words, so I can learn that skill myself.

You're approaching the whole thing in the wrong way. Example: If you're a scrawny guy, I can't give you a "how to" on looking ripped. I can only tell you to go work out and become buff. Being "interesting" as you call it, essentially works the same way. You can try to fake it, but precisely because you will be focused on all the external gimmicks, you'll never succeed. As soon as you're consciously thinking about what all you have to do, you'll be noticeably absent from the conversation, which in turn makes your audience lose interest.

So, those people you speak of, the ones who can talk about nothing and captivate an audience? They engage other human beings by evoking certain emotions. If you want that skill, you have to work on your inner game. If you are confident (not only about being "interesting"), interested in whoever you're speaking to, and develop an appreciation for human interaction and living in the moment, you'll get there. Sounds like a vague concept, which is why I gave you an easy exercise: speak about something you have a passion for. Do so in vivid detail. If you can draw someone into the topic and get them excited about it, you've mastered your first step. Keep repeating that, and try to look back to see what you did differently. If you've done it right, you won't remember much, because you yourself were engaged in conversation, but try to find a pattern.

If you can't engage someone in a topic you have a passion for, you may have to examine your social skills in general. But usually, I've managed to tickle a spark out of the blandest of personalities (not a shot at you) that way. Go, try, repeat, report.

The people have something which you don't : Belief in themselves. They actually believe what they're saying even if its a load of crap. That's charisma. It comes with being self-confident. You want the cake and to eat it too,without any effort. The guys above are all right in their suggestions.. take some outdoor sport, read a lotta books, make small talk with random people. They'll all help you.

Most importantly,if you think you cannot continue conversation with people,you CANNOT. Change that thought process. And you can always include the things you read or something around you which can be occuring at the moment. Things can lead from one place to another very fast.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

I'm not sure I understand what you mean. I'm a good looking guy, I workout and I get attention+attraction from people just by looking at me (I just disappoint them constantly when it's time to converse). I have no troubles of self-confidence, on the contrary - whenever there's a situation in the group when everyone wuss out (some "tuff" guy tries to talk to us), then I'm the one who easily handles the situation. I get to be the dominant alpha male pretty easy - I know how to project my voice, and I do it in such a way that demands attention from everyone - but that's not what I'm looking for (being just alpha isn't really all that much when you bore people to death in conversation). I don't get "scared" from situations where there are other "high status" people involved. The only thing I do scare of is that they'll get into more than 20 seconds conversation with me - then they'll find out I'm boring as hell.

So "believing in myself"... maybe I'm just not interpreting it correctly. I do get the feeling that I don't take anything too "importantly". I see conversation between people just as rubbish stuff that people do to spend time. I simply want to get into those conversation so I can enjoy the fruits of it all. The problem is I bore people, and I can't find the right way to say things. I read tons of books on the subject and Googling this thing for years now (how to be interesting). What I need is a step-by-step guide to do this.

I think the right question I should ask is: How can I get myself into believing in things? I don't even care what I believe in, just let it be SOMETHING, so I'll stop wasting my life trying to learn PUA and just get on with the stupid conversations people have (I mean, when you think of it logically, it's all very futile). I don't mind "hyping myself up" with something that will blind me from this "futile truth". I'd rather be a stupid hopping rabbit that gets to enjoy life than being a know-it-all man who lives alone by himself.

I'm trying to get the way I think about life here, so maybe that can help you see why I'm stuck in this whole "socializing" thing.

Your issue is actually very common,in fact, I faced this dilemma too sometime back. I got over it.

I think the basic thing you're doing wrong is not considering things to be ''important'', what maybe trash for you might not be for the other people discussing it. Lend an ear,try to be interested in whatever's being discussed. It might be a waste,but it'll teach you to be more open-minded about stuff.

As for that whole ''people gonna find out I'm a fake'',well.. trust me,people don't think too much about other people. Probably,they've got more important matters to think of or even themselves. The ugly truth is, people are not as concerned about you as you think they are. Stop worrying,start living.

And trust me,dont over think and over analyze. You'll only make it worse.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

As for believing in things,if you don't have a dream or vision then it's actually sad. No matter how successful you are, there's always something more which can be achieved. Believe in your goals and your ability to get them,if not anything else.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

1. INDIVIDUALITY!

One word, no steps, be different, be an individual. Don't be weird but be an individual. The difference between being weird and an individual is confidence. NOTHING MORE.

I agree with these gentlemen that you need to find a passion. If you don't find yourself a passion how the hell can you be interesting? It is fine if all those things make you uncomfortable, whatever but doing uncomfortable things makes you different. Different is intriguing, interesting.

What you know can be interesting, what you have done, or want to do.

2. This is the biggest tip you will ever be given:

People reflect your energy.

All that emotion and energy you were talking about is why they liked it. You were giving them passion, you were exciting them. You can't sound like Ben Stein and tell a story about jumping out a plane, you need to sound exciting. If you sound exciting it will make you exciting, your story is only a tid bit of the message, the rest of the message is in how you tell the story.

People like happy people because they make them feel happy. A women came in my work on Monday, feeling depressed, she was having a bad day. I ran into her last night, she told me I made her night so much better. I had no clue she was having a bad night. I didn't change anything, I didn't try to cheer her up. What did I do? I laughed and smiled, had fun! Because I had fun she had fun.

3. If you want to be interesting all you need to do is be interested. They will inquire about you if you inquire about them. People are far more interested in their self then anyone else. They can talk about themselves for hours. Why do you need to be interesting? That's what you seem to miss.

There are a lot of conversations I have had where they didn't know anything about me. All I did was listen, learn, and ask questions so I can learn more.


Unfortunately I am one of those people who can talk for hours with someone without much effort. I can't tell you why it is so easy for me. I think it stems a lot from my individuality. Body language, personality, stories, diction, philosophies, and style, all make me interesting. I strive to be interesting. I also stay somewhat cryptic in a lot of ways, after all mystery is intriguing. Open in some ways cryptic in others.

Hard to explain perfectly.

_________________
Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

^ That hits the nail on the head. You say you think it's stupid small talk that doesn't interest you? You think engaging in it makes you an oblivious bunny? Sorry to say it, but that sounds a lot like an AFC. But more to the point, if that's how you feel, it's no surprise you can't hold a conversation. You think such conversation is stupid, it bores you. You in turn reflect those emotions. How on earth can you engage someone in a conversation in which you are not engaged? Exactly, you can't. Bottom line, find a way to be interested yourself! The people you envy, think they share the same emotions you do? Or do you think they enjoy the interaction with other people as such?

You see, that "Hard to explain perfectly." part is what really gets me. That's the exact thing I'm trying to get an explanation for. I mean, I totally agree about the fact that when other people converse they actually "believe" in what they say. I just say stuff for the sake of saying something (so at least I stop getting the "why are you so quiet?" responses). I totally understand that I "just" gotta believe in the stuff I say, but I have no clue as to how I can make myself believe in those things.

I know what a "belief" is constructed of, like David D or Anthony Robbins describe it as an analogy to a table being the belief and the legs of the table being the references points as support for that belief. But I can't seem to trick myself that effectively.

But I just can't get myself to be "interested" in anything, as wolfman said. I don't find anything too exciting that I would have any "extreme opinions" about it that I would feel some urge to tell others. For example - I really care about my dog, and I make sure he gets his needs met. But even about something like my dog (something that I care about) - I don't feel any vitality when I talk to people about my dog... it's like I can't bring the excitement I had playing with my dog to the conversations I have with people.. it's not just my dog - it's the same thing about any other experience where I felt something "unique" that I could share with other people.

Hope I'm clear - this is a real issue for me for like 2 years now. I tried voice coach lessons to help me add interest to my voice - but that doesn't help if I don't lie to people by exaggerating things, as I mentioned before.

Notice that this is my 1st thread in the forum after being in it for 2.5 years... that's how long I'm looking for an answer to this problem.. I read any freakin' book/seminar/audio program that you can think of, whether it's in the PUA or Self Help world. I really can't find any source of info to help me with this, and that's why I'm "resorting" to posting in the forum.

You are not passionate about your dog? Why have one?

Talk about your dog and you will eventually bring that passion out. The mind has a funny way of getting you started but once you start talking about your dog that emotion will come back to you. They will see the emotion, sometimes it takes a second. Perhaps you need to talk about a cute story your dog did or something funny, something that brings emotions out of you.

I have talked about my old dogs(don't have one any more) and got great conversations started. Girls think it is cute when you talk about such animals. They can see paternal instinct when you talk about something that is similar to a child in having needs.

The secret your looking for isn't interest it is passion. How fun would Jim Carey be if he spoke normal, as in no extra body language? It is the fact that he is overly passionate that makes him fun. Again I want to say people reflect your energy.

You are asking about interest but talking about passion. Passion is what truly revs all of our motors in a conversation. A women you are dating will talk about all of her problems with so much passion, she just needs to get it out. A person with interests creates a solid conversation but it will fall flat because if there is zero passion there really is zero interest.

I personally think that you are entirely to self conscious about being boring, because of this you are becoming boring. Do you laugh in a conversation? Joke? Flirt? I do these things in almost every conversation. Most of the times conversation for me is simple and leads to something philosophical.

Advice: When you have a conversation don't worry about qualifying comments. Don't worry about What you should say, what you can say. Don't worry about anything but having a fun conversation and enjoying it. If the conversation takes a turn for seriousness that is fine but that doesn't mean you can't have fun or joke.

Have fun in your conversations and people will have fun. Interesting conversations are fun. If you are sitting there insecure about topics, which it sounds like you are, then you aren't having fun. So worried about needing to be interesting you don't even have fun.

You do sound somewhat depressed and this can definitely lead to flat emotions.

You just don't seem to be interested in any of the conversations, if you aren't showing genuine interest in the conversation why the hell should they?
This isn't rhetorical I want you to answer this question.

_________________
Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com