Part 1

Approaching women in itself is easy; it's getting the courage to do it that seems to hold people back. A guy sees a girl he wants to approach, makes eye contact, and then, instead of approaching, does one of two things:

1. Thinks it over
They sit there and analyze all the possible outcomes. What if she doesn't fall madly in love with them? What if she is having a bad day? What if she's a lesbian? The girl notices the guy, but he is sitting there thinking it over (wasting time). If he eventually does approach, the girl thinks of him as a wuss because he took too long. This guy obviously has 0 confidence.

2. Sits there trying to come up with a witty line
I've been there. My entire life I've seen girls I would have loved to get them, looked at them, THOUGHT about approaching, but instead, sat there trying to come up with a witty line. This causes a few problems. A) You're wasting time. If you ever do approach, you look like a guy with no confidence and B). You won't think of a witty line. And if you somehow do, you have too many odds against you because if the girl isn't gone, then she realizes you have to little confidence to see something you want and go get it.

To those of you who are afraid of rejection, here are some comforting points

1. Every PUA has been rejected. It happens. It's like wanting to learn the guitar, but then holding back because you might play the wrong chord on accident or you might drop your pick.
2. Rejection is a learning experience. It helps fine-tune your game so your chances of getting rejected drop as you go on
3. Girls aren't rejecting you because of your looks (unless you're just hideous), you just did something wrong or were a little nervous and they picked up on it. That's why the more you approach; the less you'll actually get rejected. You'll improve on these things.
4. Girls are usually pretty nice when you approach, as long as you avoid saying something vulgar or just walking up and saying, "I want to **** you." The worst rejection you may ever get is, "I have a boyfriend" or, "Why don't you give me your number." What is so scary about that? (there are good responses to both by the way)

Now, here is the big rumor that people seem to believe when they either consider approaching girls or when they start doing it. They think that they need some kind of pick-up line or impressive opener to be successful. That's just not true. In all honesty, it doesn't matter what you say to a girl when you approach; you just have to say something...ANYTHING. You can pick-up girls no problem by just walking up and saying, "Hi" with a smile. The problem now is following this up with conversation (which I'll get into later).

Now, imagine being at the mall and there are all sorts of HB's there. If you've ever really paid attention, how many guys have you actually seen approaching a girl? I don't think I've ever actually witnessed it. If you're scared of people noticing you trying to do a pickup, I don't think you should have a problem. Nobody would even pick-up on it. But, not only that, most guys DON'T approach girls. They go to the mall with a group of friends and just walk around trying to look cool. They look at girls, they whisper to their friends, then, they go home thinking about how hot that girl was.

Another interesting point: YOU reject girls ALL THE TIME, you just don't know it. How many girls have you ever seen look at you and smile and you just kept walking? That's a rejection bro. If you don't approach a girl who is begging you to, you're rejecting her. You probably never even picked up on the signals (I know I used to never even notice them, and now they're so easy to spot), but you reject them. And think of how bad girls have it that they have to go home wondering if they're ugly because they didn't get approached. All us guys go for is looks on a girl; lucky for any of you who aren't so good-looking that girls go for personality

I'll give you a perfect example. Yesterday I went to the mall with one of my girl friends (social proof, and the best was that she had no idea how she was helping me). There surprisingly weren't that many people at the mall (I think we went at a bad time), I only saw one I would've approached when I was pulling in to park but she was way to far away and there were no open spots on that floor. So after we're done picking up a few things, we go to the Starbucks there to get some coffee. She lets me know that she's going to the bathroom, and after a couple seconds when I decided what I wanted, I walked up to the counter and some guy took my order. There were 2 guys working, and a HB 8. After the guy took my order and was about to ring me up, the girl walks over and the guy asks her if she wants to make the drink or ring me up. She looks at me and says she'd ring me up. She then looks me right in the eye, gave me a great smile, and asks me How I'm doing? CLEAR SIGNAL. It's their job to be friendly, but when you get eye contact AND a smile, you know you're in. Here's why:

Lets say you're walking around the mall and you notice this ugly girl is looking at you. You make eye contact (accidentally) then quickly look away. Why...because you're not interested. Now if this were a HB, you would've kept eye contact and most likely smiled. Smiling is a clear "come talk to me" indicator for cold approaches.

So anyways, me and the girl made some small talk but I didn't feel like number closing so I told her it was a pleasure meeting you and walked away from the counter (as my friend was coming out).

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DISCLAIMER: All things said/suggested by "civilian" are strictly for entertainment and general information purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. I accept no Liability for such comments or suggestions whatsoever.

Part 2

Ok, now that you have some confidence and see that this is really easy, lets get into some different ways of approaching.

Approaching can be broken into the following steps:

1. Spotting out the target. You have 3 seconds to approach, so make sure you notice all the details in those 3 seconds. Maybe something interesting she's wearing if you want to do one of those approaches.
2. Approaching the target and getting her attention. This is called an opener. Avoid canned pick-up lines.
3. You got some kind of response from the target. You scan for body language, facial expressions, eye contact, and anything else to get an overall sense of interest level (depending on your approach there may not be any interest level yet. Don't give up)
4. Your response to her response.
5. Small talk
6. Close

Hopefully that seems logical to you. Now, how do you actually approach a girl? Get her attention, then once you do, talk about ANYTHING that's not boring. Good topics would be something going on at that moment around you, something you noticed about her (NOT LOOKS), or anything any regular guy wouldn't talk about.

Here are some examples. You make eye contact, target returns EC and smiles; you approach without hesitation

Guy: You know you have a great smile. I bet you use that toothpaste with the swirls [smile]
Girl: [laughs] Actually, I use Aqua Fresh (or whatever brand)
Guy: Not that I do consumer reports or anything, but how do you like it?
Girl: It tastes kind of funny, but it does the job.
Guy: Yeah, but surprisingly a lot of things that are really popular taste funny. Have you ever eaten at that Thai place over there [points]?
Girl: No, I've actually never had Thai food.
Guy: Really? Well, if you could pick one country with the best food, what would it be?
Girl; I'd have to say Italian food. I love their bla bla bla and their bla bla bla.
Guy: Yeah, they have great food. Have you ever been to Italy?
More small talk

Or

Guy: [notices her carrying an Abercrombie bag] Do you actually like the clothes at Abercrombie, or do you just buy it for the pictures of shirtless guys on the bags?
Girl: [laughs] A little bit of both. But I just LOVE their clothes. I think it looks great on guys too.
Guy: yeah...they've got some decent clothes at Abercrombie, but to be quite honest with you, I like to shop at more up-scale institutions like Target [smile]
Girl: [laughs] I would never buy anything at Target!
Guy: Not even shoes....[looks down at her shoes, smiles]
Girl: Oh my God! [gives guy gentle shove as she laughs] These aren't from Target!
Guy: Mervyns?
Girl: No! These are from Nordstroms! [smiling]
More small talk

How both these approaches used a little bit of humor (great tool to get girls to put their bitch shields down), but look at how they flow. Everything the guy said was based off of what the girl just said previously. This keeps conversation flowing smoothly, and the girl feels as if you two are connecting (and if she's laughing, this is a closed deal). Small talk for a little bit then number close by saying

Well I've got to get going, but you seem like fun, we should get together sometime...[girl offers number]

How about a simpler, more straight-forward approach?

Guy: Hey there, I noticed you when I walked in and wanted to meet you.
Girl: [smiles] Oh really? Why's that?
Guy: Well I noticed something about you that I've never seen before [pause. This will create suspense, and girls get REALLY curious]
Girl: What's that?
Guy: Well we barely know each other...I don't know if I'd feel comfortable telling you this...[smile. Building even MORE suspense]
Girl: [smiling] Come on! You have to tell me.
Guy: [smiling] Why's that? Wouldn't it be a little awkward considering we JUST met? (keep in mind I used her same words, and with this question I'm now in control. I have a piece of information that she wants)
Girl: Cause you can't do that to a girl! We HAVE to know things like that.
More small talk

Here are some more:

You notice a girl looking at something in a store and you walk up and say, "You're not seriously considering buy THAT, are you?"

At SPAM: I don't know why you're playing around with that machine, It's not like you actually have any money there...

If you're at a bookstore (or some quiet, calm place), you can say something like, "What is such a NICE girl like you doing in such a WILD place like this?

At a coffee shop, if there's an empty chair at her table, walk over, put your hand on the chair and say, "Excuse me. Is anyone using this chair?" (she'll think you want to take it to another table). Then you sit down and say, "Ahhh. It feels great to finally sit down. [pause] So, what are you drinking?"

Find an interesting item of clothing or jewelry (make sure it's something DIFFERENT) and say, "I really like your necklace. What's the story behind it?" (open-ended question which could easily lead to more conversation).

"Has anyone ever told you you look just like [name celebrity that she resembles]?

"Excuse me, you look like you have a good sense of style, and I was wondering if I could get your opinion on something?" (Girls love this one. Especially since you're going to ask them something about Fashion, but don't make it seem like you have no clue how to dress yourself).

And here's one I woke up with this morning that I'm going to try. It's a cell phone approach. Put your phone on silent (so it doesn't ring) and get near a girl you want to approach. You're totally going to disarm her (by making her laugh) without even talking to her. She'll probably approach you if you do this right, and even if she doesn't, she's easy game after this.

You on Phone: "Yeah, there is this interesting girl here who is checking me out but hasn't approached me yet. I think she's just shy" [make sure she made eye contact, or else, change the line respectively]
:: Girl looks at you and smiles ::
You: I don't know, she's like 5'5, long brown hair, brown eyes, and she's wearing brown Capri's with a button down shirt (describing her)
You: What does that have to do with anything?!?!? [pause] Ok Ok...... she has smooth skin.
You: Ok man, how am I supposed to know if she uses Neutrogena facial wash to get her skin so smooth? It's not like she's wearing an orange logo T.
You: WHAT? No! I'm not going to ask her.
You: No! I'm done talking to you. This girl obviously wants to approach me and is just waiting for me to get off the phone. Goodbye! [hang up]

Now if the girl doesn't approach you immediately, act as if you don't think she heard any of that and are just waiting for her to approach. She may play along also. If she doesn't approach immediately, but is playing along, you can walk up and say, "Hey, you wouldn't happen to use Neutrogena facial wash, would you?" and smile.
You can change everything after the girl's description. That was just an example. Use anything that will make her laugh. The more she laughs, the less work you'll have to do later.
Any creative approaches are always going to be great because I guarantee you no guy has ever used them on her. The attitude a guy that uses these approaches conveys is a cocky/funny, confident one who likes to have fun, and always talks to girls. He's totally relaxed and isn't going to get all nervous and be pathetic like other guys.

And one more thing: Don't spend a really long time talking to her, and don't actually reveal much about yourself; instead, reveal using your words, facial expressions, and body language that you're a fun, relaxed guy that she would have the PRIVELAGE of spending some time with. (It's always the girls privelage, NEVER yours)

I think this is a quote from the movie Big Daddy, but he says, "Initiating conversation is half the battle." Once you talk to her, and you're relaxed and laid back, you're set.

These aren't canned openers or once I have memorized. Some are common, but don't get wrapped up in what you say, just say SOMETHING. The rest is a breeze. Stay relaxed, confident, and don't talk fast or slur your words together. Project your voice so she knows you're not intimidated by her. Keep good posture, hold eye contact, and talk. It's as easy as that.

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DISCLAIMER: All things said/suggested by "civilian" are strictly for entertainment and general information purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. I accept no Liability for such comments or suggestions whatsoever.

dude ur a fag you joined yesterday and just start trying to tell people how it is.. didnt feel like # closing. ha

Civilian my advice is to make more subtle posts along with changing that penis icon. People are going to keep shitting on you for that icon and random perverted posts.

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If you are not a PUA, you are a noob.

Did you read the post? Whats perverted in there?

Im new on the fucking gforum but ive been in pickup since i was born, and has never failed at it. i may disagree with some of you guys methods but at the same time i attempt to give an alternative.

If you dont like the penis, then FUCKING LOOK AWAY FROM IT. DONT FUCKING JUDGE MY POST WITHOUT READING IT AGAIN ASSHOLE.

so until you have better comments to post, HOP OF MY THREAD!
thx

_________________
DISCLAIMER: All things said/suggested by "civilian" are strictly for entertainment and general information purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. I accept no Liability for such comments or suggestions whatsoever.

I'm just talking about earlier ones. I'm trying to help you man.

I don't want people to keep flaming your posts because you're typing a lot of good information. Did that occur to either of you?

_________________
If you are not a PUA, you are a noob.

Thx I appreciate the advice now.
The earlier ones was me getting used to the forum, mostly the forums i post in ppl get a laugh or two from the way i post(earler ones)... but that didnt fly too well here so i stopped.

Sorry for lashing out before. Wont happen again.
Thx for the critisizim

_________________
DISCLAIMER: All things said/suggested by "civilian" are strictly for entertainment and general information purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. I accept no Liability for such comments or suggestions whatsoever.

Culd you elaborate more on those signals + maybe examples and stuff. I understand everything you wrote in your posts, but sadly I still fail at reading all kind of signals.. So I would appreciate some larger input about those if possible
thanks

I like your style(very similar to mine actually) but I think your body language requires some work. I work in customer service, I am a male, you know how many males I make eye contact with, greet, and smile at? The list is very long, and I am not into guys. LOL I smile at a lot of older women that I am not attracted to, it means absolutely nothing. Her job is to smile, greet, make eye contact, and thank. That is basic customer service, you can get fired at my job for not doing that. I think you got things mixed up, for all you know she just got proposed to yesterday and it is on her mind so she is smiling about that. Working in customer service you get to study a lot of body language, there are a lot of things I get to see.

I get to see arrogant co-workers who assume every girl likes them fail miserably(great mindset if you have no need to work on things). The only time I have ever seen a guy shot down by every single multi-girl set at a club. I wish I was as bold as him just glad I am not as dumb as him. A good example is I talked to him yesterday we had borrowed help(cute girl) so she made eye contact with him, from that he derived the concept she liked him. I was standing next to him seen all the interaction, she wasn't impressed. He told her to go to the wrong place for something for jebus sake.

There is a lot to spot a girl who finds you attractive, the list is easily over 40 signs long. While a smile and eye contact are key they do not mean they like you. Preening, dilated eyes, blink rate, head movement, mouth, neck, torso, feet, hands, all contribute. They also have to be put into context. If her head is turned it may be because she slept wrong. Everything has to be seen in context. You see a girl at work who makes eye contact, greets, and smiles, she is paid to do so, put it in context man. I see a girl make eye contact with me, I know whether she likes me after a cluster of 2-3 signs that are in context. Most of the time it is looking down and away submissively after eye contact while moving her hair out of the way or with a slight adjustment in clothes. There is also the check back look that follows that, she will check back to see after she is walking away if this is a person walking by(through the corner of her eyes while she turns her head).

Have you ever number closed a customer service individual? It is one of the more difficult things to do. It is very difficult for a girl to become comfortable enough within one transaction to give you her number. The younger ones are easier for whatever reasons.

I like the concept of your post but everyone has there own personality and some of those statements won't work with everyone, I have seen it before someone trying to be someone else very ineffective.

Do you know where I could ream more about those 40 or whatever number of signs? I read much stuff about it on forum, but still I am very weak at spotting them. For example lets take a 20 minute period at some pub/bar. Lets say our eyes with the girl meet 5 times during that 20 minute period and I still fail to read more signs out of those situations. I mean you should have plenty of info already, but I don't get it (of course I just asume that if she looks at me so often she might like me, but thats the only info I can gather. And as you say there should go much more with that. But I fail to spot it, damn )

Well there are plenty of books that are very helpful to reading body language which is no small task but I will write up a thread for you on a lot of these things combined. Undercover Sex Signals is solid, Love Signals is a good courtship book with great body language additions, The definitive book on body language MUST BE READ, What Every Body is Saying is very good. Start with those books each are easy reading but I must admit you will learn alot, you must study body language every where you go.

The thing is that I read some good material (even on this forum), in theory I know like 20-30 ioi signs, but I fail to spot them for some reason. I guess I would spot them if I had them on tape like in "Lie to me" TV series, but in reality they show up and go so fast that its not that easy....
ps: dilated pupils, its impossible for me to spot this sign, even if I stare at the eyes for a long time I would not spot it. Simply because to know if pupil is dilated or not I need to know how that exact pupil looks when its not dilated. I mean I watched many photos on internet and still I could not tell they were dilated even if the photo example said - its dilated pupils

Everything must be taken into context. Pay attention to the lighting. Look at other people near by they should have similar size pupils. If the individual you are speaking with has abnormally large pupils in comparison than you win. Pupil dilation is easy. The reason that candle light dinners work so well is that they give the other individual the illusion that they are already attracted to them. Funny how something as simple as lighting can make such a remarkable difference on dates.

You are way to reactive. Work on that.