| I’m recently (2+ months) out of a 3 year relationship. I’m 29, successful career, confident but modest, attractive guy. I’ve been in a number of long term relationships, and am always a good and interesting boyfriend. Things naturally fall into place because the girl wants to be around me. I’d say because of my upbringing and interests I have good “inner game”. I attune the main reason to the ending of this past relationship to distance. I moved 500 miles away after graduating. We made it work for over a year. This girl was gorgeous as well as a cool chick, but in the end as much as I loved her and hated letting her go, I also realized she had a lot of growing up to do. While distance can be hard enough, towards the end I realized I needed to figure out if I could “save” things. I read some online material on getting your ex back, then I read the DeAngelo material, and have since been reading various things here and on gunwitch. Through all of it I’ve learned more about gaming, the “feeling” women need, etc etc. It’s been said, leave them better than you found them. Well I think on the flipside we can all attest to also wanting to better ourselves too, and sometimes it takes break ups to make ourselves even better. I believe that while I was an excellent boyfriend, the break up and my further pursuit of knowledge has made me an even better man. So here is my current predicament.
There is a girl at work that definitely digs me and gives me a lot of attention. Problem at hand she has a boyfriend. I’ve read all the boyfriend breaker posts, and I don’t want to turn this into a morals post. I’ve always respected relationships and basically considered girls with boyfriends off limits, but I’ve never been in a scenario as such. So here is the history. We work for the same company, but not in the same office, however our engineering groups are kind of like sister groups so we have joint meetings often. Ever since she hired on she’s always been checking me out in these meetings. So much so that even my buds have asked me if I’ve noticed it. I have one pretty nosey bud that has even called her out on it. I have a lot of hobbies and like adventure—I’ve quickly earned the nickname from her as “Captain America”. Funny I know. I do not openly flirt with her or give her a lot of attention in the work environment as I’m pretty professional, plus all the young guns try to get her attention. Again, I’m 29, she’s 23. While young she has a good head on her shoulders, very competent as an engineer, and not a flake. I took time off from school. We started chatting more through our inner office messenger and things have progressed from there. After exchanging numbers I constantly get texts from her. I figure details are important so I might as well list some things where even though she is flirty she takes it up a notch. Definitely things that would piss any boyfriend off.
As I stated we started talking more, and then things have really escalated since I told her I was going to get open-water certified in Scuba. I threw it out there to see if she was interested, sure enough I didn’t even have to ask her and she was on-board. So we drive an hour up the road twice a week to go to scuba class/lecture, and then on the weekends we’ve been doing our pool dives. This upcoming weekend we travel to a resort in Utah where there is a warm-water crater to complete our open water certification. So I’ve been spending a lot of time with her in which she is very flirty and touchy with me. She openly admits to being a flirty and touchy-feely person, so I down play it as much as possible. Now let me try to cite examples to show you how it seems she crosses the line. She is constantly coming with other ideas so that we can spend time together. She’s always rubbing on my biceps. One of my texts didn’t get through to her at night (bad service), she ended up getting it at 5am. I apologized and she replied with,”I was more impressed you had stayed up that late….but now that I know it’s all a lie…” I responded, “well I have no problem pulling an all nighter”. She replies, “blah,blah….oh and I’m sure we’ll be putting that all nighter theory to the test”. I exclaim, “I’ll be proving that theory”. This was all over our brief Thanksgiving break where we both went back home. She went out with friends and texts me more than once that she could use a good dance partner…she knows I dance. Damn funny thing is her boyfriend and I were actually on the same connecting flight, and she knows it, and she’s texting me about stuff. First night we drive to class she openly admits she isn’t sure that she is with the person she should be with. Later exclaims he’s negative, in another convo recently says she’d like to be with some one that is as happy as her. I’ve always been the happy/optimistic one in all of my relationships. It’s just how I am as a person. We have similar upbringings and interests and we see that in each other. At our last pool session, I stretch a bit before getting in the pool. She decides to follow suit, and I can tell she’s a bit tight and I say “are you tight”….she says, “yeah my hamstrings….but I was made tight all over” looking up at me with a playful grin…..by this I’m thinking jeez you’re killin me! Let’s see what else. After class one night we grab a quick bite at subway on our way back home, and we’re goofin off and flirtin in line and she leans against me and wraps me up in a hug, and I’m like hmmm….well, here we go, I wrap her up with my left arm and kinda hold her there with me in line….total PDA bf/gf type interaction. Since then I’ve gotten other lingering full fledged hugs and one in particular there was a “moment” a “gaze into the eyes” sort of thing. So frustrating. After our last pool session she asks me what I’m cookin her for dinner. So I prepare dinner for us. Monday she prepares dinner for me, an old college buddy, and her roommate. Tonight we made a store run for beer and snacks for our weekend trip, I cooked dinner, we watched our last Scuba video and did the homework and decorated a small Christmas tree I grabbed, goofed off with my dog, tickled/touched etc. Oh yeah and for a while I sat on the couch and she lays down and puts her head on my leg and is lookin up at me chattin with me. Her boyfriend is actually out of town this week. Terrible I know.
I’ve read a lot on how a woman needs to have that feeling from her man. I’ve always kept my girlfriends happy when I lived in the same town as them so I feel like he’s lacking and she’s interested in me. However, they have been together for at least two years. I know she’s attracted to me, and I know she thinks a lot of me, but I know she is probably still trying to be a good girlfriend, or still playing the girlfriend role. I don’t want to get my hopes up as maybe she doesn’t even know what she is doing and thinks we are just supposed to be fun friends. I do think it was damn cool that it was her idea to make sure we stocked up on beer for our trip before entering Utah…land of 3.2 beer. I’d like to think my intuition is halfway decent, but I know I’m dealing with tricky situation. I’m not looking to simply F this girl. I thought my last girlfriend was real cool (as would most guys) and this girl has her trumped in that areas she lacked a bit in. So I would be interested in dating her….I foresee that as a long process to see to fruition given the circumstances…..or am I wrong and is this girl throwing herself at me? She is a conversative Catholic girl, and yet she kind dish it out better than most guys. I don’t believe her to be completely innocent. She’s playing the girlfriend role, but trying to figure things out in her head I’m sure. She’s the kind of girl that would probably help her man be a better man, but he has to be willing to change himself. I think if I continue to hang out with her, come up with things to do, he will crack…as she’s fully aware of how guys might “pretend to be cool with her guyfriends”. I say there is trust, and then I also say there is a thing called setting boundaries….and he’s getting walked on by her because he probably pushed her away with jealousy a good while back…I don’t know…just speculating.
I apologize for some of the disorganization in the description, but I’m just scratching the surface on the shenanigans that have been going on the past few weeks between she and I. Hopefully this gives us a start on discussing it, feel free to ask clarifying questions, and any insight is appreciated.
PS: I have met the boyfriend a couple times, and did go out to dinner kind of spur of the moment with some people we work with as well as him after scuba class once. I know he’s over protective and jealous. Some of my friends say he’s weird. I’m a proficient long range shooter and some of my friends have asked if they knew of me when he talked hunting, and then went on to ask if he knew me and then bragged to him about my skills—they said his face goes kinda blank…..
I technically have remained a gentleman—cocky and confident—and yet showed some of my niceness as well….trying to display the blend that makes me…me. I have not done anything wrong….and this is all quite entertaining, but I’m unsure how to handle it or pursue it. I’m not looking to blatantly break them up, and it her that has been quite the little aggressor at times.
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CHAT
