| "Be alpha when interacting with women. Have the mindset. Be in the zone. Remain indifferent. She will pick up that you are a confident man. Calibrate."
Great advice.
This is discussed on here a LOT, but if you're relatively new to approaching women you may have considered out of your league for a long time, this can be an extremely confusing and difficult piece of advice to apply personally. So it is generally said to just go out there, approach and do this a million times. You will get it. Eventually. And that's true, you will figure it out, eventually. What I would like to do here is attempt to explain what they're talking about in a way that perhaps some of you will comprehend just a little bit easier.
When I was just starting out, I read all this same advice, thought maybe I sorta got what they meant? I read a few e-books, attempted a few different methods from different sources, etc. I was terrified at the idea of talking to an unknown beautiful girl... so much so that I became desperate to want to put an end to it and started taking chances, not really knowing what I was doing or what might happen.
So at work one day I was pushing a cart around, and standing in my way with her back turned to me was a girl I worked with for a long time, but had never really spoken a word to, and was basically invisible to. She was about an 8 but she was also one of those overly-talkative cheerleader-type girls with the frame of a 10. (WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME) She was standing in my way, blabbing on to someone else, completely ignorant or indifferent to the fact that she was holding me up, and without thinking I just blurted out loudly "Get the fuck out of my way." Time kind of froze and in that instant I realized what I had just done, put some half-sly smile on my face in hopes that maybe she wouldn't eat my balls, and prayed for a good outcome. To my surprise she snapped around, got out of my way as if I were royalty, and apologised profusely in the most submissive manner, holding an eye contact that communicated a surprising newfound interest in me. Ever since I did that she talked to me and flirted with me every time I came around. Talk about being completely put at ease but also proud of myself, even though I had almost no idea what I had done or why it worked.
I experimented constantly after that. I tried everything ranging from cocky, to egomaniacal, to just being a downright asshole. I got mixed results. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, and ultimately it just made me even more frustrated because I just couldn't get why my results would always be so varied. There was some understanding that was escaping me, I was just trying different things blindly, and wanted to get it so that I could knowingly do the right thing all the time.
I need to mention also that this usually, when successful, ended awkwardly because I didn't know what to do next, so these were minimal successes. So to understand what was happening... here is what was going on. I was approaching girls I didn't know, saying things to them that they were not expecting to come from me, a relative stranger, and in doing so I was suddenly catching their interest. That much I knew. But why? It's not that they're turned on by being insulted, or impressed by ego-maniacs who walk around expecting everyone to do as they say because they are god's greatest gift. I learned that by trying those approaches. What I was actually doing was giving them a glimpse of someone who walks up to beautiful girls and talks to them in a fun way, as if they were already a good friend or a girlfriend, and by doing that there never was any hint of awkwardness between him and her, because the way he's acting isn't awkward, it's fun and it's comforting. Because I failed at the time to understand that this is what was happening when I did or said those things, that glimpse would simply cease to be after my initial success.
So knowing this, how do I do this consistently? The biggest problem most guys will face is being consistently fun throughout the interaction. The solution is sooo amazing simple and it is all over this forum, yet at the same time is just not grasped/applied accurately. The solution to being consistent is by being indifferent. Mind-blowing, I know. Now let me clarify exactly what I mean when I say that. What I do NOT mean by that is this attitude - "I'm the shit, if she leaves or is a bitch oh well she's a bitch I don't care." I am not going to say that mentality never works, because it occasionally does, but there is another indifference that is much less cynical and you will find is much closer to what you want.
I am talking about the social indifference that you share when you are alone with your close friends. Now I am going to explain why it is so empowering to you if you have this in the company of strangers... and you better believe me when i say that ALL successful natural guys have this instinctively where ever they are - whether they realize it consciously or not. This is what makes a natural. I don't know about you, but I'm assuming this is also true about you - when you're sitting down spending time bullshitting with your close guy friend, there is never a time during the interaction when you are afraid that something you say will make you look stupid, or make you lose respect in that person's eyes. Likewise there is never a point where your mind is consciously judging how well the interaction is going between you and your friend. You don't have to worry about losing your friend because things got weird. Who the hell thinks like that?
You do. As soon as you get around a girl. If you acted that way around your friend, too, guess what? That shit would become awkward... real quick. In other words, this indifference that everyone talks about isn't a method, or a trick, it is a necessity... because anything else is unnatural. I really hope that I have explained it in a way that gives you an "I see...." and at the same time a "Duh. Why didn't I think of that sooner?" The reason we don't get it sooner is because we are so worried about 9 million other complex things when it comes dealing with attractive women, often times we completely lose ourselves, and negative emotions come into play at that point that play hell with who we are and leave us feeling helpless in the end.
If you have been paying attention and really analyzing what I am referring to in this very long post, you'll begin to realize that the problems you have YOU have created yourself, they were not there to begin with. Be consistent in how you deal with others. If you were interacting with women the same way you interact with your friends and girlfriends, these women will think of themselves as your good friends or girlfriends... and I guarantee that if they are having the same amount of fun with you, it will be the second much more often than the first.
This is exactly what women and naturals are referring to when they say "Just be yourself." They just don't have time to write this article explaining it.
I know this will help a few of you. It's what I learned the hard way, and it works for me. Thank you for reading!
_________________
"Jerry Lee Louis is the true king of rock n' roll."
|
CHAT
smiley supposed to express? 'I'm having a seizure'!?)
