Sorry man, I totally disagree. Being a person who adapts to the situation is definately not beeing a natural. Most naturals have a dominant nature. They know what they want in a girl, and they expect people to act a certain way around them. Everyone adapts to them! That is the true nature of a natural.

No thats defiantly not true. None likes the "My way or the highway" type of person. The true definition of a natural is someone who knows how to act appropriately and successfully in any sort of social situation, being anything from picking up a girl to a job interview. Usually born with a strong confidence and "the gift of gab" they have the ability to drawn virtually anyone in and like them.

PonyBoy, did you even read what I wrote? I didn´t say that you should violate social boundries, did I? To adapt to an environment means you change yourself and the way you behave so that you appear as "nice" in the eyes of the others. That is just trying hard to fit in which is an indicator of low status.

On the other hand, beeing aware of all the social boundries is a very good thing. But you should never have to change yourself to satisfy others. With a strong identity you can get away with anything in any situation or environment. They should be able to love you just for beeing yourself.

If your walking into every situation and circumstance with the same attitude as the one before your going to bomb. I agree that you shouldn't be changing yourself for other people, but knowing how they view an appropriate response or situation and acting on it is a key element to a naturals game. Maybe I was too vague with that post before. When I talk about a natural I'm encompassing all areas of social interaction, not just women. I think that a good natural can walk into an job interview and land it just as easily as he could pick up a girl in a bar.

Firstly, you assume that beeing yourself is only one attitude, which is a fault. Your expression is always changing based on your intentions, therefore you never have to adapt.

Secondly, the definition of a natural is not a person who has his hole life in order. A natural is a person that attracts people too them with their own personality.

Furthermore, when someone says you should adapt, it means that you should take on a persona/character that is not yourself, to be able to interract within the environment.

If you want to know what I mean about the expression and intentions I strongly suggest that you read "the attraction code" by Vin Dicarlo.

Your not really getting my point. Its okay though, debating on a message board isn't really my style.

"[quote="revolver"]Firstly, you assume that beeing yourself is only one attitude, which is a fault. Your expression is always changing based on your intentions, therefore you never have to adapt."

Do your intentions change with your environment? If your intentions change, then you are adapting them to what you want in a given situation and your self must change.

I think you are both talking about the same thing only from different perspectives of "internally" and "externally" however, having both internal intent and the ability to adapt to the external environment both must be threaded to be socially succesful.

Now if you were to always be one person, rigid, and demanding of others to bend toward you, wouldn't you find this very limiting?

maintaining one rooted self can be severely limiting. Like everything, "self" changes with the moment, it should not be firmly rooted in the ideals of an accumulated past. That prohibits growth. Do you agree?

Now, speaking with the dalai lama in a serene meditative environment will most certainly affect your personality differently than it would if you were speaking to a hot girl at a rodeo. Whether internally or externally motivated, your social approach must adapt to the demands of not only your intent but the environment as well.

Internal and external adaptations are essential in human relations. Having a confident frame is very important, also remember that with "confidence"
is a desire to learn and a willingness to change and evolve.

just some thoughts, either way, you both bring up very valid sides to the same coin.

...yeah what he said ha.

I agree with a lot that you have to say, but there are still a couple of things that I disagree with. Beeing dominant is not the same as beeing demanding. Dominance is related to leading, which is a behaviour that all high status have, and it is based on your "wants". A person that gets more what he want then another person in the interraction is a more dominant person.

Another thing you say that I find strange is letting your intentions change and adapt to what others want and expect. If you have any insights in status and dominance you understand that it makes them more dominant than you.

Beeing yourself doesn´t mean: Only have one attitude and a short range of expression. It means that you should do what you want and not what others want you to do. Be the person you want to be.

I'm hearing you on your point. I think to clarify mine a little bit, It's really not so much about changing to what other people want, it's about a willingness to go outside of your own limited desires. Having total control is like that old saying about a rigid tree snapping in the wind, while the flexible tree bends and continues to thrive because it is not so stubborn and firm.

What you're getting at is that you want to be a leader. You believe it is about being the focal point of interactions while others orbit around you. The best way to achieve that though is to understand them. If you are an agressive alpha that's great, but if the situation calls for sensitivity, are you going to maintain that agressive frame because you don't want to change for the situation? You can't control your environment no matter how hard you try, there are unexpected variables and you must be able to adapt to them or perish. It's the core of survival as a species, it's the core of survival as a social participant.

It's all funny because I know we're over analyzing this whole thing, which interestingly enough may be the opposite of natural, but it's thought provoking all the same. Good hearing your point of view regardless.

You guys are going in circles a bit but naturals (the good ones) typically have some life experience. So they're are very good at engaging most sets in any conversation. So even though his expertise isn't in hedge funds or whatever, he can jump in and not make himself look like an idiot. So he does need to adopt to his environment a bit . . .

But the natural doesn't stop here. Great conversationalists somehow always seem to be able to seamlessly bridge any topic into his strengths. For example, he jumps into to a set where 3 guys are talking about diesel engine maintenance and a poor lonely girl is bored to death.

The topic goes from diesel engines to boats to tropical islands to scuba diving holidays to "Hey, where are you going this Christmas holiday?", to "That reminds me. The _____ club is doing a Tropical Island Christmas party. You have any plans?" to "Cool, I'll call you."

The natural leaves, the girl's heart goes "thump, thump", and the 3 guys go right back to chatting about diesel engines.

Two guys with the same tastes walk into a club. One guy says "Ah this music is shit", the other guy says "Not so bad". One guy says "Not enough girls here", the other guy says "Just keep your eyes open..." One guy has a scowl on his face, the other guy is smiling at everybody. Now who do you think is a natural? Who is going to have more success?

These guys have the same tastes, so they both think the music is shit, and they both think that there aren't enough girls. Now, despite this, they react differently to the situation. One guy makes a scene, and is visibly affected by the club. The other guy is under control of himself, and does not let the circumstances ruin his good vibes. The natural, unaffected man doesn't at all sell himself out, he simply knows how to roll with the punches.

Although we are leaders, naturals cannot go trampling through life with disregard for changing circumstances. If we expect the world to bend around us, we will find ourselves doing a lot of complaining. Instead, we are flexible, but always in control of our state. If you can control your state, you can begin to control outside circumstances.

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