So I've been known to be a cold asshole as I never show emotional attachment to girls. But I have been trying to change that and be more friendly. I don't know what it is but I can't break out of it. Girls do not want to socialize with me even though I smile and try to be friendly. I have friends that girls seem way more open and excited to talk top. Is like I'm digging myself out of a home from the start whereas everyone else starts with an advantage just because of the vibe they give off. Has anyone had this issue? Girls are just cold to me always and there I'd nothing I can do to make them relax and give me a chance.

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AFC Level 1

maybe it is because that you normally are a cold ass motherfucker.. and if you try to be someone else girls will pick up on that, and they will feel that you are not completely yourself!

best advice is to be yourself

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

"try to be friendly"

I read that right there and realized that is your problem.... Either you are friendly or you are not. You need to genuinely be interested, be authentically you as Valdemar1 pointed out. Women are very intuitive creatures if you are fake with them they will know it.

Also take into consideration your energy level, when you go talk to women are you a drag? Or do you come in with good high upbeat energy? People tend to reflect our energy so if you come in with low draggy fake happy energy you are going to get fake draggy energy.

When you have a conversation are you actually interested in asking more about her? You should be... this is the key to building a connection, being actually interested in what she has to say and seeking it out.

I'd need to know a lot more about your body language to give you an honest answer to be honest but you not being genuine is one definite problem.

Peace and Love,

Vic

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Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

I think I need a full blown boot camp. I just can't put what I've read here into practice.

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AFC Level 1

Is this issue gender specific? Because I don't think men want to socialize with a 'cold asshole' either, yet you do not mention troubles with making male friends. If it only applies to women, I somehow doubt that you perceive the problem correctly.

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One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.

This really only happens with women. I can get along well with men fine. I don't get it

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AFC Level 1

I used to be like this too, i think its alright to be an asshole if they know you well enough not to take it seriously. i think my anxiety was about coming across as a loser and getting used by women. i tested my fear by doing all the afc things that i was told not to do and associated good and bad behaviour with differnet but appropriate contexts.

don't know what your worries are , but you have already tested being an asshole with women and its not working. Try to be a prototypical afc on purpose where someone will have the chance criticise you and see if your worries are true.

there is a chance that you could be right, so have some escape material ready.

if you still can't change your undesirable behaviour across contexts

ask yourself these questions

are you hypersensitive to criticism?
are you reluctant to confide in others for a fear that any information shared may be used against you?

those questions individually or together are meant to tap into different psychological constructs. the problem with self report is people usually say whats socially desirable if they know what construct it taps into.

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you can fake it till you make it, but if it feels REAL go with the flow!

Well I don't give girls an attitude. Recently I've been trying to be kind and open but what I've noticed is that girls just can't get comfortable with me. I don't know if it is just the vibe that I give off or maybe it's just my lack of game but I feel like in getting written off before I begin. I see girls smiling and approaching my other friends but that doesn't happen with me. I just have a huge difficulty getting into a comfortable conversation with them. I feel like I'm just incompatible with girls because I have a difficult time genuinely becoming interested in them. In the back of my mind I know that girls don't share the same interests with me ever. So I have to pretend to be someone else to share their interests. Like I have to be fake for them to like me.

On a side note im not some hopeless virgin. I've slept with plenty of girls but my biggest issue now is actually forming a good relationship with one. I've been screwed over so hard by them that I'm emotionally close off to them. I don't trust anyone of them.

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AFC Level 1

Seems to me like you do give girls an attitude. You dismiss the interests of three billion women on the basis of one (two, three?) girl(s) that hurt you. Appropriate advice has already been given: to form real and deep connections with other people you have to show a genuine interest in them. So take that advice to heart and change your attitude. You are the one who has to adapt, the world will not change for you.

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One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.

Been there, man. Frankly, I'm still there.

I've always envied the social, laughing, fun guys a little. They had girls all around them, smiling and waiting for another word to drop out of his mouth.

Then I realized I also had a lot going on. I'm cold, not very emotional at times, but I am VERY passionate when something catches my interest. I'm also funny, sarcastic and honest with people.

I've decided to make my personality my trademark. Now I AM the arrogant asshole and it's kinda my trademark. Sometimes I tell girls they shouldn't start anything with me, because I'm an emotional cripple. Oh and I like to talk about myself for hours, which is why is this post so long and all about me.

But the point is, since I started "promoting" this real me, I'm far ahead of those guys. On the surface, they still stand at the bar with a pack of girls around them while I can usually engage only 1 or two girls at once. But I have girls from their groups coming to sleep with me all the time, while they don't have the same with "my" girls. Sure they pull a lot of meat, but I do even more.

Both of the types are great seducers IMHO, it's just that they play a different game from yours. Don't emulate their game, you won't beat them with it. Instead, beat them with your own game, because it's so much better.

Just be high energy, be friendly, and don't say creepy shit. That will go a long way for you.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

From what ive read it really looks like more of an inner game issue .. learn about boundaries .. there are healthy boundaries and unhealthy .. sounds to me that because of your past experience or trauma you have built up. you probably go into a set and or speak to women expecting to get hurt so you over protect yourself and which might just give off the uneasy SPAM the girls around you feel and thats why they are uncomfortable. What might help .. go watch david deangelos deep inner game.. might help you sort some issues out. now this doesnt mean its the issue but from what i have seen you write .. thats how it seems to me, i did something similar .. and had the same feeling about having to be fake to be liked. the reason your alright with the guys is because you dont fear them evoking deep emotions in you and have the ability to make you feel fragile. but as i said this is just my opinion from what you wrote. hope it all goes well for you mate

Dude! this is your problem, you never have to be anyone else, maybe you need to evolve yourself but that is different..
First thing first, don't try to be someone else, cause it will not make shit happen for you, trust me! i remember half a year ago, i didn't get half as many girls as i wanted to, and my friend was really bad with girls, but he had theese 2 girlfriends who he just was friend with, and i remember whenever i was with them, i could make them feel comfortable with me, and neither could i get comfortable myself.. a drunk night i started messing around with this girl you had giving me a really hard time, suddenly i was kissing her, i dated that girl for some month afterwards i realised why i got her! it was because i was really myself, i acted around women like i would be around anyone, and they could feel that, since then i have been completely myself and it has worked perfectly, i have gotten really good results, like shit i would never believe i could honestly get!!!! and i have made 2 girls fall in love with me ( i was in love with them both, before they were in love with me) one of them even had a boyfriend! now i am dating my dream girl, so go ahead and be yourself!!

... btw sorry for the novel!

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My mind have an idea of what i deserve - i will go beyond it

What you guys say does sound great but I'm just not sure the real me is really all that interesting to a girl. I don't share Anthony interesting with them. Maybe I just don't know myself well enough. My friends all know me as the asshole. I'm always closed off and unemotional. Is that who I'm supposed to be? Or maybe I haven't really found out how to relax and be myself.

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AFC Level 1

You don't necessarily want to be YOU around girls, especially if who you really are is not that appealing. But you want to seem comfortable with being you, and make it seem authentic. You have to change yourself if you want to get better results. Once you change, that becomes the new you. Then you get comfortable with it and project that state of being.

Let's say you have no confidence with women. Then you start faking it. Sure, it will be hard at first, but anything in life worth doing is not going to be easy. Eventually that fake confidence will get you better results and it will slowly convert into real confidence. That will have a snowball effect and eventually your completely fake persona of confidence will become genuine confidence. You'll get more and more comfortable with it and women wil notice that.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn