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Hey guys.
Would you please be willing to critique the framework I use for daygame?
Thanks.
#1. Logistics, body language and frame control are everything.
is she in a crowd? Does she have headphones? Is she with a group of friends? Is she walking towards me? Away from me? Sitting down?
Frame control is related to body language, because good posture and a sense of direction will make the girl perceive me in a positive light, but also these things will help calm the nerves, making the approach come more naturally. Proper breathing pattern also soothes the nerves.
When I walk over, I make sure to stand in front to get her to stop and have her full attention.
Like said above, I will use good body language. By direction, I mean in terms of smoothly navigating crowds and obstacles to get to the girl. Sometimes this creates a brief hesitation, e.g. if I have to walk around a lamp post and then past a group of people then this gives me time to relax in which I am not thinking about the approach because my mind is occupied with the obstacles in front of me.
The other elements of good body language include
- smile (more of a 'smirk' - a relaxed smile than cheesy grin)
- open body language (no arms crossed and no hands on hips)
- good posture (occasional 'body rocking' to create a push-pull environment and demonstrate non-neediness)
- eye contact (relaxed glaze - generally at the nose and mouth rather than direct contact with the eyes because this is much more difficult to sustain and appears confrontational).
- feet shoulder width apart pointing forwards
- no lazy leaning (something I have a habit of, e.g. sinking into hips)
- no over-gesticulation (something I do sometimes as well, e.g. pointing, hands on hips)
- be relaxed facially (related to the smirk)
The last three need the most working on.
#2. Verbals
Ok, so the non-verbal element already mentioned is most important at the beginning of the interaction. They should be maintained otherwise.
Verbals are somewhat related to non-verbals,
e.g.
- vocal projection
- articulation
- voice tonalities
In terms of verbal content, there is nothing genius or especially canned about what I say:
a) "Hey / 'Scuse me / Hello"
b) "I had to stop you / I just wanted to meet you / You caught my eye and I had to come over"
c) "Wait, stop ..." while moving in front of her again (because sometimes she is already moving away mid-sentence)
d) "There's something about you that intrigues me / You are absolutely adorable / cute / interesting"
Ok, if she has not already gone by this point, she will have reacted in some way. Usually positively. Some girls will give you a scowl / weird look. But generally those girls would just eject in the first place.
So what now?
The conversation can be headed in any direction.
Before I use to freak out at the first sign of awkward silence and try to push for a number close. I'm like the total opposite of most guys that will talk for ages and ages and just get friend zoned. How weird is that?
Well, I have a different route now:
e) "So, do you have a name?"
f) "What is it then?" (if she plays smart).
g) "Oh pleased to meet you, I'm JHA91" (offer hand for handshake, hold hands as long as possible - kino).
After this, it is where she works, where she lives, what she does. A bit dreary, I know but I try to make interesting observations and / or say something totally unexpected.
When I ask her what she's up to, 90% of the time it's
"Just shopping."
So I usually say, you know you don't need more accessories, you look fine the way you just are.
After a few questions, if the ball is not rolling so to speak, I say,
"So, you seem like an interesting girl. Tell me something interesting about yourself."
This is kind of a screening question since the girls that are dull / chavvy will just say with a monotone,
"Uh, nothing. Guess I'm just a dull person."
The art of self-deprecation, I know. But these girls really just don't give a shit about me or the interraction so I will just say,
"Ok, I will let you get on with what it was you were doing. Have a nice day."
Because there is no point trying to push for attraction if no attraction has been sparked at this point in the conversation (usually about a minute in).
The girls I like the most will have lots to say right off the bat but usually they are so filled with vibrance and passionate proactivity they tend to be some kind of professional and usually already have a boyfriend.
There's the other types of girls that will seem a little more nervey but they will at least try. They are easier to manipulate (I'm totally ruthless!).
Finally, when the conversation hits another sticking point or they seem like they are ready to leave, I make sure that I am the one to wrap things up:
"Sarah,"
I repeat her name a lot during the conversation. Makes her feel special.
"You seem like an interesting person. I'd like to get to know you on a deeper level. Punch your number in and I'll text you a date, location and time."
But yeah, it's all a bit repetitive now. A bit cliched / dull even. I get number closes ... sometimes.
Dates, less often again.
Most of the energy and interest in the interaction comes from the fact I'm approaching her out of the blue.
All in all there's two things I want to improve:
- Stay in sets longer. (I don't really time it, but I'd guess that 2 minutes is maximum for me right now).
- Bring something fresher and more original to the table.
Ok, thanks again.
JHA91
Similar to what another poster mentioned below, I think you need some sort of humour/playful/funny routine in there. Helps you for two reasons:
1. Helps to put her in more of a positive mood, spices up the conversation, makes you more interesting.
2. Actually helps YOUR calibration - if she doesn't laugh at your joke, then you need more work in pulling her into your frame. If she does laugh/show positive interest, then you can take that as a sign of interest in general. Technically, her laughing shows that she's trying to win your "approval" by conforming to a socially acceptable norm, even if you aren't that funny.
CHAT
