I guess I just need to vent.

As much as I want to be in control of getting any woman I want I'm not sure that pickup is the best approach for me anymore. When I first got into pick up I viewed all my success as my way of saying “haha fuck you every girl that was a bitch to me in high school I can get any woman I want now.” But what I want to use my skills for is something completely different.

I don't want to get the girl that's every man's dream, I want to be the guy that's every woman's dream. I want to be the guy that women get excited to be around and chatter about with their girlfriends about how “dreamy” for lack of a better word I am.

I want to do this for a few reasons.

A-I'm sick of chasing. I want to be someone who invites people into my world not shoving my way into theirs

B-I don't want to do this for me I want to do it for the women. Okay so with Pick-up I can get any woman I want. Wouldn't be better to be a person who can fulfill the dreams of others to really get fulfillment out of my own.

C-I can hide better this way. Lets face it we all signed up for this site because we got some demons in our pasts. I think this approach is the best way to deal with the lonelieness, trauma and saddness I will openly admit fuels me into succeeding with women. Instead of seeking out a woman and having those motivations for her companionship complicate things I think that living under a Chrstian Grey or Fabio like image to hide those things is a way of controlling them for her benefit. If they do surface a woman is going to want to inspire hope and sympathy in me to retain the fantasy like image she wants out of me.

D-PUA techniques are mentally draining for me This is a fairly common complaint I understand and it's true for me. No matter how successful at PUA techniques it drains me to the point I become very prone to depression. Some times I gauge whether or not a situation with a woman is worth the effort because of this. Maybe a new approach is what I need.

E-I feel more myself this way. I feel that I've always been a real ladies man at heart. Although what's important in my life would maybe be different if I didn't have to deal with trauma and depression I really feel I could be this person naturally and even kind of see me as the Heartthrob to a lot of women in my life. But it feels like my depression is holding me tightly back. I've finally worked to have the self esteem that I'm considered to be fairly handsome to women and have gained a lot of gratification with that fact though women's reactions. I sincerely want to make women happy. knowing that I have the ability to make any woman happy in a romantic sense is what I find the most gratification out of and gives me validity into thinking I'm doing something to improve the quality of someones life, even if it's just being a fantasy. I'd be treating others the way I'd want to be treated.


I'd really like to get some perspective or opinions on this. Does anyone have any advice besides getting into really good shape into starting down this path? What do you think I'd need to do?

You've got it completely fucking ass backwards.

Your goal is not to look for sex or a woman but merely to look for and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

And that is what 'Pick Up' essentially does.

I feel it comes down to perception and self validation..Let me explain....

If you start off from the mental place that you are an amazing guy, and that you don’t need a woman (or anyone else for that matter) to validate you, then you are on the right track. The woman you become attracted to becomes important for you, but not necessarily 'everything'. You don’t depend on her to make you feel important, or like a man, or even loved, because those things are already part of you. Therefore as a man you would still be capable of rational thought, and capable too of knowing that your relationship MAY come to an end, but you know that wouldn't be the end of the world, because you are a slick enough person to find someone else worthy of your affection.

Men get into pick up for one main reason: PUSSY!

The only variation is the amount they desire.

The top three.

1.They never had one,
2.They want win over one they lost and will never get back.
3. The want 'That ONE' special girl.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

The original Rumi quote is: 'Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.'

I think that's exactly what OP needs to read. You have too much self-loathing in your heart. You'll need to address that first before you can proceed to becoming "the guy that's every woman's dream".
I agree. This is the answer, but it's easier said than done. In order to get to this place you need to go through a hideous amount of soul-searching, especially when you have dealt with depression (OP).

There's no simple answer dude, you're going to have to walk this path by yourself (like we all do).

You know I really love this community of ours. I mean, where else can you find a mixture of high-spiritual
expressions and quotes with the word PUSSY in the same sentence.

But I mean it...I think learning to be a lover is the ultimate experience for a guy. I don't think there's
anything like it. It can vary in depth and length of the journey.

But unfortunately, the game is set up that way so that a guy that walks into the door of the
seduction community immediately get's 347 different "rules" on how to pick up women...

Which in turn, make him MORE anxious, MORE self-conscious and MORE insecure about himself.

It is a journey, but I think there is also a different way.

What you're talking about here is what I've experienced a long time ago, when I realized there
is something I fundamentally don't like about PUA...and that is, their raped strategy of becoming
good with women.

It has to do with chasing, with constant "gaming" and never being able to relax and
be who you really are.

But the irony is, that you can only become really good with women once when
you let go of the chase, and you find enjoyment in being who you are and sharing
who you are with others.

That's not so easy to do, and it might take you years before you get there.

But as I said, that's why I love lover development - No where on the planet can
you find so much depth and length in terms of developing yourself.

So to respond to your question - you've found a new way of thinking that goes
deeper than pretending or playing games. You are on your way to finding out
your true nature as a lover.

Keep it going, you'll get there.

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Some great posts, as usual, to answer your question OP.

One more bit I will add, you need to figure out how to do this for YOURSELF. To make YOU happy. I love Pick Up. At first, it did suck at times. I will never lie about my PUA experience. But I will say this, learning to love women, their energy, and enjoy what you can add to their lives is fulfilling. You are coming from a dark place. I hope you can learn to come from a healthy place and do PUA because it improves your life, and enriches it.

Not saying this is you, please do not take this out of context. In the early days of PUA, a lot of guys were in this to 'get back at women'. We have evolved since then. We do this now to enrich our lives and the lives of women. Ever meet a woman, and she says, 'I wish I could like you' or 'You would be a great boyfriend'? I have. I had to learn what I was doing wrong, because they women WANTED to be with me, but did not feel that Attraction. Crazy, huh? PUA is a life style improvement, and for some can be as much of a spiritual journey as religion. Use it to improve you, not hurt you.

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As long as you want to be "that guy" that girls whisper about, you will never be him.

I have heard "nice guys" say they just want to treat a girl right but these guys are never really themselves. They don't express their true feelings for fear of offending women, they let girls annoy them without speaking up and they bottle up anger because they fear confrontation. So AFC's are literally "frustrated", because they never truly express themselves. They let life just "happen", because the alternative is the scary world of actually growing some balls. I used to be that guy.

Pickup allowed me to be the person I always was but was afraid to become. I can say whatever comes into my mind and women either love it or hate it. Both reactions are good, extreme emotion positive or negative is always good. The mediocrity of AFCs is what makes them so unattractive to women. Neither good nor bad, just generally a bit... "meh".

ME ME ME. I I I. I WANT I WANT I WANT. The deluded attitudes from you dick heads on here makes for fantastic fucking reading. The PUA crap being fed to you is turning you into freaky assholes who don't get girls but scare them away. How much money have you morons spent on this shit only to be sitting there alone and unloved. Some of the advice on here is shocking. The whole mantra that a guy no matter how ugly and socially inept he is can get any woman he ever wants is a huge crock of shit. The real mantra should be stick to your own level instead of chasing women who wouldn't give you the time of fucking day.

I feel sorry for women. They cannot go about their day, go shopping, go for a coffee with friends without you desperate losers plotting and working yourselves into a state over how to approach them. You'll find that most women are too kind for their own good and will give you their number to fucking get rid of you or make up a number so that you'll piss off and leave them alone. Do you really think women want to be hit on everywhere they fucking go? At work? In a library. On a bus. In a shop? They are thinking of many different things and they actually have a fucking life unlike you bozos who think so highly of yourselves. You really believe that because you approach a woman she should fall at your feet and hang onto every stupid word you say?

Real life is not like that. Pestering women every day is nothing but a bloody hassle to them and if you want the honest truth, many would say they detest it when blokes come up to them, invade their space and then try and fucking control how the conversation will go.

Your one liners are just cringeworthy and most women laugh because they feel sorry for you. You dudes don't know women at all.

Senile much? You can't tell me that the whole point of life is to be so self absorbed in your own life that you don't give a fuck about what anyone else has to say. Why not have some amazing guy come into their life that can cheer them up? Make them laugh and enjoy a pleasant conversation? Most people are BORED OUT OF THEIR MINDS, and are eagerly awaiting someone to make their day! I just wonder what the fuck your saying to women that makes YOU believe they shouldn't give ANYONE the time a day.

Struggle builds character.

_________________
The ultimate lesson of psychoanalysis is that human life is never "just life": we are possessed by the strange drive to enjoy life in excess, attached to a surplus which derails the ordinary run of things.
-Slavoj Zizek

You know I love you. Not being homo, but heck you think just like me.
Its great seeing someone who actually "gets it."

Its a shame you're not in Jersey or NYC would've been great to meet.

_________________
I am who I think I am, and who I am, I am because I think I am who I am= Your thoughts define your actions and your life.

Russell Brand has what the thread starter wants I reckon. If you're interesting enough as a person, you will draw people to you, just by being yourself, without even trying.

Yes OP your views are backwards - you must first become your best self - one that you will love - then women will dream about you.

Have you read much about Mystery? He got really good at gaming women. Then he realized it wasn't enough: He wanted to kill himself at one point (The more people I get to know, the more I find this is very common). This is because he wasn't self actualized. His friends helped him realize he must do something bigger. He wrote books, got a home with his friends strictly for screwing women, taught others what he knew about women, hosted a TV show, ousted himself as a player, and probably many things I didn't mention. Why did he do all this? Because he figured out in order for real fulfillment, you must find self worth. You will never attain it from a single other person.

Astounding Maslow knew this 60 years ago: self actualization > sex (women). Until you find it you will be depressed, even if you bed the hottest woman you know.

If I'm ever Stateside, I will drop you PM. Slight homo. Mild bromance.

I don't consider myself a "PUA". One reason well... simply because I don't go around on a day to day basis trying to pick-up women. Don't get me wrong... the Pick-Up community is awesome, leads a lot of young men into self development and it works... but my goal is not to help turn men into just "Pick Up Artists"... I can do that if they want but the main goal is to create an awesome lifestyle, social life and better relationships.

I think the PUA thing steers a lot of men away because they're under the impression they have to dress in all pink with a feathered hat (peacocking), or become somebody their not, or that they have to go to the club.... or that the amount of women they sleep with is an end goal.

Some guys get so caught up with the hype of Openers, DHV, Negging blah blah blah when really they should be working on their mind-set, finding out WHY they're seeking for self improvement and taking steps to become better versions of themselves.

Some guys are so focused on "gaming" girls and bragging to ppl they don't even know on the internet instead of having a good experience and remembering at the end they really just want happiness.

Maybe I'm rambling lol... but my point is improving yourself and building confidence will bring you amazing results with your social life & business. The best way to attract a woman is being a person with direction & confidence.

That direction and confidence will have an impact on your tonality, body language the confidence in your voice.... and at that point it really doesn't matter what kind of pick-up line or "opener" that you use.



with direction, massive action and venturing out of your comfort zone you can build up inner confidence and become what many consider "a natural"

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