Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum and it is a pleasure to meet everyone. This is my 1st post and I hope some of you can help me out along with anybody else trying to get better at dance floor game. Here is what happened last night:

I went to a bar with a dance floor last night with my roommate. By this time, I've had a few beers and a shot. Im pretty buzzed and I see a group of people dancing. I want to dance so I start dancing solo on the dance floor. I see this hot girl dancing and I make eye contact with her. I've learned via the hard way in college that the best method is to get a girl's attention first by coming to her and dancing in front of her and then escalate only if she is open to you. I start dancing in front of her and she copies by dancing in front of me. Prolly an IOI. This girl is hot! Keep in mind they are playing hip hop and typical grinding music. She dances for about a minute (no grinding) and then dances away with her girl friend. Another drunk guy comes over and tries to dance with her but I keep dancing by myself to the beat (Trying to maintain my cool, and have fun regardless. I struggle with being outcome independent but am working on it). Keep in mind there were only 5 people dancing initially. I started dancing solo with that group and suddenly about 8 more people started dancing too. Maybe sheer coincidence but its as though I started a fun "vibe" on the dance floor. Or I sucked at dancing and everyone decided to take advantage and "out-shine me" so to speak

Anyhow, the girl walks away trying to get away from the groping drunk guy outside. I notice her leaving and decide to go talk to her outside in the bar patio. I open her by asking where she got the dance moves as she was a good dancer. She signals me to move closer and says "thanks but I'm over dancing with guys tonight". I tell her thats fine and that I feel the same way sometimes. She smirks and gives me a high five. Cool. Shot down but she was smiled in a playful way. (Prolly should have kept the bantering going but I couldn't think of anything SPAM).

15 minutes later, I go back to the dance floor to dance doing my own thing. I'm thinking of positive things and am telling myself to have a good time regardless. I see her dancing and another guy starts grinding on her out of nowhere. From the corner of my eye, I see her move away and avoiding the guy. We'll call this individual "Gropey" since he's groping this girl. Gropey follows her. I keep dancing to the beat solo regardless as Im trying to have fun. But I really like this girl. She is a solid 8 or 9! But she said she didn't want to dance so I leave her alone. (I didn't want to DLV by being needy and pursuing her like a lost puppy dog). The girl I like comes back to the dance floor about 10 min later and dances solo. Gropey is in hot pursuit and begins to grind on her. This time, she starts grinding back on him!

I take a break and step outside to cool off. I go back and dance some more solo. I’m still dancing solo and there are times where the dancing will die but as soon as I start dancing, everyone else starts to dance again. (I don't know if its my vibe or coincidence. Thinking the latter). Well, I see this girl grinding and making out with Gropey in the corner of the club. I’m upset because I lost. I lost to leacherous Gropey! What am I doing wrong guys?

Here's where I think I mucked up:
1)Should've bantered her some more after opening and been more playful and funny
2) I wasn't persistent and stopped pursuing her immediately after she said she wasn't into dancing (I was wrong! She was making out all over Gropey by the end!)
3) Dancing solo: I've been told its easier for the girl if you are out dancing solo and you become less intimidating. But with that being said, it can DLV if you don't know anyone at the bar and club as in this case. In other words, there was very little social proof since my roommate didn't dance at all.
4) We came to the club too late. Bars close here at 1:30am and we showed up at 11:30pm. Girls b*tch shields go up as the night gets late
5) My clothing: I wore jeans, a Button up plaid shirt, a leather jacket and a nice watch (figured Id give peacocking a shot). I have a military fade haircut and have been told by others that I look like Chris Evans (Captain America). I'm not ripped but pretty built in terms of physical appearance

Gropey wore sagging pants a long T-shirt, a chain, and had a backwards cap. Think Tom Delonge mixed with an LA Cholo. Thats my best description. He had the ghetto badboy look going for him.
Just in case my clothes had anything to do with it.

6) Roommate is a nice guy and keeps the mood light but has major approach anxiety. He didn't want to dance all night and was sober. He claims he wants a nice girl and thinks bar girls are sluts. I'm trying to help him out by getting out more and meeting women but this mindset can DLV big time. He doesn't have as much experience with women as I do I think.

7) Gropey was gropey but was a damn good dancer from what I could tell (moved his hips like a male stripper no homo). He was smooth. This is the biggest reason I think
I failed to dance with any other girls over the period of 2 hrs. Major DLV as I didn't know anyone and my roommate wasnt dancing at all

I typically don't evaluate every detail in bars this much but this sort of scenario happens a lot and I want to know what Im doing wrong. Is this normal? Please give me any feedback based on your experiences. I'd appreciate it if you can share your own strategy of meeting girls in dancefloors. I'm rusty as its been 4 months since the last girl I was with. Im 23 and in San Francisco/bay area in case that helps (aka sausage fest in silicon valley)

hey dude....in my humble opinion ur over analysing this shit to death...if your thinking about the one interaction that much then maybe ur not approaching enough...good on ya for stepping up and putting urself out there.....but i would really think about doing that 15 times a night,then ur subconscious will do the analysing and correcting for you over repitition and time...also you might not have done anything wrong just the randomness of nightgame,you could do this with another chick and get laid...thats why you have to keep going out and trying stuff...over and over till things start making sense...other than that i would say
1) dont look for ioi's...girls can tell your looking for thier reaction
2) maybe try talking to her about 30 seconds after starting to dance with her
3)hold heavy eye contact not too much though...and when you lean in to talk into her ear, kino then and when the conversation gets fun pick her up and spin or whatever....you might fuck this up 20 times before it seems fluent and natural

to get good at game you need a really strong work ethic and patience it can take a long time to get even to a intermediate level...i think rsd tyler said most people would get to a decent level if you went out and consistantly approached about 10 chicks a night 4 times a week you would get to an intermediate level in one year which i think is about 1 lay a month with a hb7

hope some this helps

You are doing everything right. Don't worry so much.

But I think the problem is with your dancing. And more specifically escalating. You just didn't escalate when you had her dancing with you. That's when you missed your chance. She just got turned off. And the other guy just kept going and going at it.

When she told you she off dancing, don't read too much into it. All she was saying was I guess you couldn't escalate with dancing. Here is your chance to escalate verbally with me. I won't bother with dancing for a bit. You have my attention. But it wasn't a binding contract or anything! She doesn't owe you anything! Stop that kind of thinking or you'll just keep on hurting yourself emotionally in a needless way. You better get used to girls changing their minds in nightgame. That's the valid point with the previous comment. It shouldn't phase you. Learn from it. The more you do, the more you can repeat moves in a slightly more subtle different way (which is what the other guy did).

By the way, if you wanted to escalate that verbal discussion, all you had to say was but you enjoyed dancing with me, right? I'm not like the other guys... Which you clearly weren't since you were just doing your own thing and that was attractive to her initially. Let's have a drink and we'll go back dancing in a bit. At that point, do a little bit of kino on her back. Boom. she will have gotten the message. And you bet more aroused...

Anyway, when you are dancing with her, there are a couple moves you can make without grinding. You can do the classic twirl her around. You can hold out both your hands to hold hers. Then just move your hands back and forth. All the time maintaining eye contact. When in this position, you can gently pull her closer to you. Then you can go for a kiss close or more. Or if kiss close is too soon, pull your legs into hers in an interlocking way.

Generally speaking, you are doing fine. And you definitely don't need to worry about wingmen. You had a girl dancing on your own. So just goes to show... That social proof stuff is a bunch of crap when it comes to natural game. That girl didn't social proof that other guy! If anything, a wing man is more there to observe and comment on what you did right or wrong. Like the conversation you are trying to have here. In natural game, wingmen are not used as social proof. I personally find that not only fake much of the time but also a bit disrespectful if you are the one being used.

Bottom line, just escalate when dancing. Experiment with different moves until you feel what feels like naturally your style. The other guy probably has done that a whole lot of times. He was grinding probably in many subtle different ways that you didn't even notice. He was a more sophisticated non-verbal conversation than you give him credit for. I doubt he was just pouncing and doing the very exact same thing over and over again. That stuff hardly works ever unless hb is superdrunk and even then.

A lot of people can't grind well girls. And a lot of girls turn away guys when they try. But some guys have mastered it. Don't sweat it. You could have just gone up to the guy and asked him a thing or two. If he was conscious of what he was doing, he would have been a good instructor. And if grinding is not your thing, it just isn't. Many many ways of escalating dancing... Just work at it and experiment.

Maybe over analisys

In your situation maybe you just needed to approach the girl as soon she was in front to you, dont think! is difficult but if you DO think you will be over analising.
You tell us the girls dance a full minute in front of you and you did nothing, 2 possible conclusion
A- the girl thinks that you arent interested
B- the girl thinks you are a coward

When you approach later (good for you) the girl just reject you based in the previous situation, something like "your time was minutes ago, bye bye"

Gropey has something, a lot of confidence and he shows that, good for him but his style will soon gonna start to fail as his age grows