What to do when you don't want to isolate?



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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 4:06 pm 
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Here is a situation that comes up a lot for me in my travels (around South America). I encounter a group of women at a hostel or restaurant, usually friends traveling together. Sometimes a guy or two in the group as well. I end up eating dinner with them, then possibly going somewhere later for drinks, games, sightseeing, etc. I am interested in getting to know all of them and having fun (which I've gotten good at) but still want to build attraction and escalate with one (which I'm not good at, especially in this situation). I've gotten definite indications there is some attraction but I'm having trouble building on it. It gets especially hard when there are just three of us as the third ends up either being alienated (which I don't want to do) or distracting us both (and the opportunity fades away).

I know the common wisdom is to isolate, but in these situations I don't want to isolate, at least not right away, yet I also don't want these opportunities to pass by. I need some way to avoid that.

Any suggestions?


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 4:14 pm 
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Well what's your end goal here? Once you answer that I will have some advice for ya.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 4:21 pm 
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That's tough man. Happened to me before. Sometimes the third is a cock blocker too, or twat blocker, which makes it even harder. When I used to work in the restaurant biz I would game coworkers during work, but there were tons of other people around which I had to avoid. This is where you need to be calculating and self-serving. You can't just wait for it to happen on it's own, because it likely won't. It's all about finding your moment of opportunity or creating one. But that's all situational. I have no idea where you will be with these people. But eventually that third person will need to take a piss and the two of you will be alone, albeit breifly.

Remember, its commonplace to game girls within a bigger set. So you can build attraction and do all that stuff with the other people around. It's just that you'll eventually need to isolate in order to escalate and close.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 4:44 pm 
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It's pretty simple, make sure to keep your body language neutral and interact with both parties, you want your body language to show that you are including both people. This means that you make eye contact with both parties and this also means you don't want to escalate in one direction or the other at first.

The problem is if women are interested and you are a cool guy, one will bounce and leave you guys so you can escalate the situation. These girls are giving you ins to have sex with them, they don't want to have much more, part of the lifestyle of the traveling man. Making friends is a bit rough because it is always a temp relationship.

You can also place them in the friend zone, by this I mean you can say it's great that you guys are such cool girls, you'll make great friends. When you place a girl in the friend zone it is still you who has the ability to offer the ladder out of the friend zone. You keep the power in the attraction, but it is still a rough situation until you learn to use it correctly.

The basic overall premise is to stay neutral and not over invest in either party so that you keep the conversation 3 way. The best way to do that is also to be the most interesting party, the girls will both pay attention to you if you aren't over investing in either party and are the interesting person in the group.

You must be careful in this situation because if you attracted to a girl and want one you are also going to be under investing in some areas and may not get the close. Many a times I've messed up with girls because I didn't respond fast enough.

To Sum it Up:

Be interesting to both parties.
Stay Neutral.
Interact with both parties

Peace and Love,

Vic

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 4:48 pm 
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Well what's your end goal here? Once you answer that I will have some advice for ya.
Oops, you are right that is rather important. Please berate me if I should adjust my thinking on this: I am looking to see if FWB is possible. But if not, just see how much fun we can have for the short time we are in the same place, even if it is just a ONS. As travelers we are all moving around and might be in the same place together for just a single night or for an entire month, but usually time is very short so I have to move quickly.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 5:25 pm 
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Quote:
To Sum it Up:

Be interesting to both parties.
Stay Neutral.
Interact with both parties
Interesting. I have to think on it more but my instinct is you are precisely right. It would explain a lot of things that confused me about a recent night out with a pair of Australians, both why I had problems initially at dinner then unexplained interest later. Not that it went anywhere, but that was because I was being unusually dense that night and because I have a long way to go learning what to do when.

By the way, love your body language video series poeticlyskuac. I'm learning a lot from it!


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 9:26 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
Well what's your end goal here? Once you answer that I will have some advice for ya.
Oops, you are right that is rather important. Please berate me if I should adjust my thinking on this: I am looking to see if FWB is possible. But if not, just see how much fun we can have for the short time we are in the same place, even if it is just a ONS. As travelers we are all moving around and might be in the same place together for just a single night or for an entire month, but usually time is very short so I have to move quickly.
Isolation is key here then. I suggest taking her somewhere around the bar even it's for just a second. If your attraction game was solid then you should be able to do this with ease. But, always have a reason to get her to isolate. Like, you want to show her something or get a drink with her at the bar etc. This may be very difficult if she has a friend there that she doesn't want to leave. If that's the case get her number and be sure to hang on to it to meetup another time. Make sure you never leave the other friend alone or she might tell your target your an asshole.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 7:39 pm 
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The problem is that I really hate the way I look. I don't own a photo of myself of what I look like at the moment. I just don't like myself and when I imagine my picture displayed for everyone I just don't want them to be thinking 'omg she actually think she looks nice'.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:25 pm 
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The problem is that I really hate the way I look. I don't own a photo of myself of what I look like at the moment. I just don't like myself and when I imagine my picture displayed for everyone I just don't want them to be thinking 'omg she actually think she looks nice'.
Two questions. Are you a lesbian? And are you jacking this thread?

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 10:12 pm 
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Quote:

By the way, love your body language video series poeticlyskuac. I'm learning a lot from it!

Thank you for the love! I appreciate it, glad there are actual supporters of the show.

Peace and Love,

Vic

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 4:12 pm 
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Quote:
To Sum it Up:

Be interesting to both parties.
Stay Neutral.
Interact with both parties
Tried this out the other night and it worked great. I'm certain there are many little touches to it I need to work on but it gives me a starting point. Thanks again!


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 12:40 am 
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I've been thinking more on this subject and on situations I've encountered recently. Let me throw out two of them with my musings for you all to comment on:

Situation #1: Three girls traveling together, I'm at a restaurant with them. I'm in a conversation with one of them and the other two are happily chatting with each other ignoring us. It felt at the time like I was ignoring them unfairly, but was that really the case? Its not like they were getting together for a night of fun, they are traveling together so no reason to feel they need to stick together or that I was intruding. Or the other two could even deliberately be giving us time to ourselves. Not quite isolation but not part of the group either. Reading the attitude (body language I suppose?) of the group could be important here to get a clue on how to best handle the situation.

Situation #2: Again at a restaurant with two girls. Friends but not traveling together. I started out focused on one of them because she was the most outgoing and because she was facing me. I got from her some of the clearest signals of interest I've ever received, but because I felt uncomfortable at her friend there with us being ignored I stopped focusing on her and deliberate made the conversation three-way and more neutral. But perhaps I should have acknowledged the situation directly instead of quietly stepping back. Say something like "Wow J, you're so cute and intriguing I'm ignoring your friend L!" Then decide what exactly to do based on their reactions.

Comments?


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