I hope i'm posting this is the right place but anyway here we go.


Okay so im 18 and have never been great with girls although i have many girl-friends.

Theres this one girl I've known for around 4 years as friends (hb8+sexiest girl EVER). About a 5 months ago we hooked up; she stayed at mine and we fooled around but didn't go all the way. This happened a couple of times in the weeks/months after until she decided that she didn't want to do anything :S disappointed as i was, i left it at that.

For as long as I've known her it was always been through our mutual friends and although we very much considered each other friends with one an other we would never meet up alone or anything.

Around a month ago all of our friends went to university and we started meeting up just me and her, doing gf and bf type things with a little bit of fooling around here and there. Last friday i stayed at hers. we fooled around more that usual but she still didn't want to go all the way, none the less i asked her out then and there and she said yes. The next evening i went out to meet her and some mutual friends and our friends house...when i got there we didn't have a hello kiss or anything but at the end of the night on the bus home when everyone had got off and it was just me and her we had a goodbye kiss.

so at this stage i'm thinking 'all good, were going out...but maybe she just doesn't want to make it public yet.'

Now, heres the bit that baffles me. On wednesday our friend had a get together with around 12 people. i came later than everyone because i had work, when i arrived there was no hello kiss, just wimpish hug and barely said a word to me all night. So... stupidly i thought 'if i stay later things might change'...they didn't. when it came for the time to leave she was invited to stay at one of our friends house. i then asked her where she was staying, our friend heard me ask and immediatley invited me to stay too.

Im pissed off at myself for staying there now because i know how clingy it looks and she was just as dismissive with me as she was earlier in the night...when i asked her something she just answered it and carried on talking to our friend. i don't believe she engaged me in conversation once in the whole night.

where did i go wrong!?! help!

It is now thursday and i will inevitably see her tomorrow night as some of our friends are back for a bit.

what do i do now!?!

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"The aim in life is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways shouting "Holy Shit, what a ride!"

It sounds to me like she's testing your alpha character. She wants to know whether you're going to stand up to bitchy girl - and yes, she's acting bitchy.

There are a couple reasons I can think of she would do this:

-another guy has entered the picture
-you showed weakness at some point

She's going to keep doing it until you convince her you're a man or a pussy.

Come to think of it - you showed weakness when you were isolated and fooling around, but still didn't fuck her. Yeah, she said she didn't want to - no that's not what she meant. Remember, she'd be a shitty lock if she just let any key open her.

You have to be the key that opens the lock. When she says "I don't want to do it right now" - show some disappointment/frustration. Tell her you feel like it's the right time with seriousness. She needs you to lead her into it. She doesn't want you or anyone else to think she's a slut.

If she still won't let it happen, here's what you do. Get upset/mad. Tell her that's fine. When you want to talk about it, call me. Then leave, don't talk to her until she misses you and comes back. When she does, you will be tempted to just let her come back. Fight the urge. Tell her you had expectations that she wasn't meeting. You couldn't understand why she wasn't willing to give it up to you - and all she told you was not right now. She'll give in.

I think slowseduction is right. she is shit testing you a little bit. what you wanna do is become less available to her and start seeing other women. show her that other girls like you. Girls do this all the time, (at least the ones i get) they pretend like they dont like you anymore to see if youll freak out. if you do freak out, you failed the test. if you keep your cool and dont be phased by it, you passed. and yes, i think you showing weakness did cause her to kinda test your value a little bit.

I think you are asking the wrong question when you ask "What am I doing wrong?". I don't think you've put a foot wrong and I certainly don't think that accepting the invitation to stay at her friends was a bad or clingy move. Your target is a difficult character to read, that is the constitution of some. It is best, for your sanity, not to focus solely on a target that puts you through an emotional assault course before deciding what they want, if anything at all.

Branching out is definitely the best course of action. Even though it is probable that she is putting you through the paces, it may be that she is messing with your head in general for selfish reasons. People do crazy things. Irrespective, by subtlety branching out you can work on your game, open new doors and test the mettle of your targets resolve to string you along. You take on an active role in contradistinction with the passive.

Thank you so much for this comment. you hit the nail on the head.

i just met up with her and some other people and heard from my friend that she told him she........wait for it........just-wanted-to-be......friends.

She was totally in the wrong because the whole time it made me feel like i was doing something wrong.

i texted her saying "all you needed to do was let me know..." which i think is bloody fair enough.

anyways i think its time to FINALLY move on!

(you have no idea how much your post means bro. thank you.

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"The aim in life is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways shouting "Holy Shit, what a ride!"

Don't mention it Tagman. I hope you're doing alright mate. It's not the end of the world, these things happen. You're in the right place to up your game so all is good.