So last night was my second date with this girl who I have been into since we made out the Halloween before last (on the first day we met fyi). I realize that I very much have a case of one-itis but I still want to try. The date itself was great, lots of physical contact, we never ran out of topics and she was constantly bringing up more things we could do together. However, on the way home she asked me what I was looking for out of our time together stating that "she is not really looking for a relationship right now". This struck me severely off guard, I mean I was not expecting to have this kind of conversation on the second date. I was honest, I told her that I like her and enjoy spending time with her and would basically like to be with her. She basically shot me down, but added that she still wants to go out and doesn't want anything to change.

Honestly I think I may have come off a bit too strong and caused her to freak out a bit. She's a pretty shy girl but she's been opening up to me a lot lately. I know there's chemistry there. My friend Bryon has had his doubts before but the last time the three of us were hanging out he said he felt as if he was third-wheeling. After reading up a bit, I believe my best bet is just to let her know that if she wants to keep it casual I am alright with that; maybe followed by an invitation to my place for movies and wine. I'm still new to all of this, and still a virgin at 21 but I figure this could at least be good practice. Either way, I plan on starting to play the field more, even if we do continue whatever the hell this has been. Any help would be greatly appreciated, thanks. Still haven't re-kclosed her.

I posted this here because I'm not trying to "game" her, natural game is what I'm trying to build.

Well a pat on the back bro.

In your situation, that is pretty WOAH, for her to say that.
I completely have no idea, i suppose ask her about why, and if you're already quite close. Ask if she's been hurt/ reasoning then you could be the 'knight in shining armour' if you catch my drift.

I like how you think, you sound like a real decent guy.

no, no, no

It's good you realize you maybe have come on a little strong. Knight in shining armor-ing so soon and asking her about too emotional stuff will only steer him into the friendszone more. Next time something like this happens, dont be phased, dont look needy, so she wants to remain casual? so what, you've got other chicks lined up for you (if you dont, just pretend). Dont actually say something like that but keep a strong frame like this.

"She doesnt want anything to change"

you think she'll kiss you again, or do you think she wants the friendship/comfort to remain? ask yourself this.

In your situation, > I < wouldnt seek contact with her for another date, wait for her to ask you out, pretend to be busy on the first date she suggests, and then come up with a different date (thats just a small touch). When you go out with her, don't be her friend-friend, be an attractive (you know what i mean) interesting confident guy and if she starts talking about stuff you would talk to close friends about, steer away from that subject.

Kino her, dont fuck around. Tease her a lot. Triangle-gaze.

Don't bring up the 'just friends'thing, and if she does, tell her you dont plan ahead and that you just go with the flow, you'll find out what happens in the future when that day has come. There's no pressure on you two, you're just two people who like eachother.

I wish you the best of luck.

Chillburg

So is the movie and wine thing a good idea or should I just back off and wait for her to pick up the slack a bit? I figure I'll wait another day or two and then text her something like "look about the other night, I don't want to rush you into anything you're not ready for but if you would like to continue seeing eachother on a more casual basis I'm cool with that". Well, based on her response anyway, I feel like I need to ask her if that statement was her not wanting to be in a relationship or just not wanting to be in one with me, I guess the answer to that question will determine my future course of action. As for the possibility of another kiss, her body language was WAYY different than her speech that night, I mean we were flirting and she was being very responsive to my kino escalation; that's most of the reason it struck me so off guard. Anyway, thanks for the advice.

Do not ask her out, like I said, wait for her to initiate contact.

While 'waiting' for her, you continue your busy life (it should be busy anyway).

While 'freezing her out'...If in a whole week, a whole fucking week, she still hasnt contacted you, then that should tell you a whole lot bro. You can still try to lure her out with a "im going to see ****** and you should come with us" thing but if she hasnt contacted you in that time.. she's probably not that interested or she would have MADE you come out/go out/party with her whatever.

I wish you the best of luck, keep us updated bro.

Chillburg

A week it is. "Women, they make the highs higher and the lows more frequent." Heh.

I'm pretty fucking drunk right now and I don't know what I'm doing on the forums still, I guess its just being bored after going out, but you make sense saying that. Just be busy..or seem like you're busy, just fucking go out and try not to think about your one-itis. Be fucking alpha, make new friends for new times to come you know... shit, I wish someone would have told me when I was younger (I'm still just 22 but anyway). Have a fucking positive frame and just enjoy yourself while being out, and everything will be good, I promise.

Chillburg.

That's just a quote from one of my favorite philosophers lol. I'm always positive, working on the alpha part though, trying to stop thinking as much. I'm great with the opening and holding a conversation, just seems like the escalation has been my downfall. All things with time though right?

So she texted me yesterday, just regular how was your Christmas stuff. We talked for awhile and then I just asked her straight out whether that speech of hers was her just saying she doesn't want a relationship period right now or just not wanting one with me. I said she really doesn't have to worry about my feelings I just want to know for clarity's sake. She went with the first option so I said well I don't really want things to change either, I like spending time with you and I'm really not trying to rush you into something you're not ready for; if you want to continue seeing each other on a more casual tone I'm cool with that. I was about to go to the gym so I told her that and said I'd talk to her later. I'm gonna play it like you said chill, when I see her I'll be confident kino guy but I'm not going out of my way to make things happen at this point. Honestly, this whole wishy-washy deal of hers is a HUGE turnoff and a major dq to her. I'm going to Mason next semester anyway so I'll have more options there.