Hi,

This girl, somewhat younger than me, started to work in my business about a year ago. I had never paid any attention to her because she is engaged to someone. Now, thing is, this someone was away for a long time. During his absence, I noticed an interest on her, for me. And then, of course, I asked her out. And we went on three lunch dates in a three week-period which ended without a k-close, but with quick hand holding, cheek kisses, and nice hugs. Perhaps I could have been more aggressive, but since she works with me, I decided to take things in an easier pace. Since then, when we are alone at work, we always cheek kiss, and hug each other. And I have been escalating very slowly, but steadily since.

However, three months ago her fiancé came back to town. After that she flaked (with ridiculous excuses) on two dates I invited her. In both these two occasions, each time, I immediately applied a two to three-week freeze out on her. Eventually, she would always come back to me to talk.

I then decided to shift strategy and try to build some comfort by asking her out to lunch very close by, in a place where everybody we know goes. After one of these dates, she asked me to go to her office alone where she would tell me a gossip – there was none really, but she started to speak in a quieter manner and to hyperventilate a little as I caressed her thigh. But since someone was coming, we hugged quickly and I left. I thought everything was going well. However, surprisingly, this week, she flaked on two work related encounters. Later, when I called her, her voice was kind of different. Then, I went to her office and she was kind of scared of seeing me, probably, expecting me to try to hug her – which I of course did not. I simply started talking to her, as she was displaying a nervous cough; which, with time subsided. I then placed my hand on her thigh; then removed it by pushing it away; then I repeated that; negged her kind of seriously, and then I kissed her hair and left. As I was leaving, she stood up, almost in a jump, was kind of happy, and excited, started talking too much. I then stopped and went back towards her a little. She then stepped back, and I did the same and left.

This is the last chapter in a 6-month social circle battle.

Of course I have other girls I see outside of work, but I would like to have her as a friend with benefits.

Questions:

(a) Since nothing is yet obvious between us, how can I promise her that I will be discreet without SPAM my intentions?

(b) Why is she behaving in such a curious fashion: by being exceedingly nervous, and full of ups and downs (flakes, nervousness; and loud and excited verbal expressions)?

(c) Am I a bother, am I an annoyance?

What should I do? Help!