I apologize if this is in the wrong section or what not, but I feel time is of the essence here.

New member, I read the book a few months ago. I haven't had a lot of trouble with women, but I wasted about 8 years in a LT relationship I probably shouldn't have been in and have only recently gotten back out there.

I'm 28, girl in question is 23.

Anyways, I was recently introduced to a girl via my brother. Wasn't expecting much, but she turned out to be great. Very attractive, a bit shy, but a good sense of humor similar to mine. Essentially, she was almost exactly all the qualities I would have liked to find in one girl. She has some depression issues (going back to a family tragedy a few years ago), and although there is a lot of mood swings and emotional baggage, I felt it was worth proceeding because I really like her. We have a lot of similar interests, etc. We seemed to hit it off very well. In the beginning, I played a bit of a gentleman type role, and let her control the pace. After a few dates, it started to get physical and such.

About 3.5 weeks into us seeing each other, we went to the local fair/exhibition/etc. whatever you call it. Had a cheesy kinda romantic night, kissing on the Ferris Wheel, won her some prizes, you know. Night went very well. That night, she stayed the night (not the first time), and we had sex for the first time. It went very well, I don't need to get into details right now, but I was quite satisfied with my performance. We did it again in the morning, and that evening again.

This was around the point, when I started to fall for her, and let my guard down. The feeling seemed quite mutual, we were enjoying each other's company, etc. I decided in the beginning, to move slowly and proceed with caution because she did say she didn't want things to get too serious, too fast (relationship wise). But by now, things had gone great, I felt a very strong connection with us, talking everyday, hanging out a lot, and now romantically involved.

Now I will back up for a moment. When we first met, I mentioned my cousin's upcoming wedding. She asked if that was an invitation as a joke, and I said sure, but noted she already was gonna be out of town that weekend. Turns out her plans fell through, and she was thinking about coming. She was hesitant though, as she is a bit shy, and well, a girl.

This is what I forgot about. To a guy, an outside wedding is a chance to party and semi-make a fool of yourself, since you probably won't know anyone there. I guess I didn't realize that with her being shy, and the fact that my family would be there, she was a bit intimidated by the whole idea. I never thought much about her seeing it as my family judging her or anything like that. I didn't intend to pressure her, but as the date drew near, I kept asking because I was trying to finalize plans. 5 days before, she was talking to her Dad on the phone and mentioned she would not be around on the weekend because she was going to a wedding. Alright, so she is coming.

Mid week, she is hesitant again. We haven't seen each other since Monday (a night which we had probably the best sex yet), and things had been going well til this point. I go to see her (this is now 5 weeks into us seeing each other), and give her a hair straightener I hooked her up with at a very sweet deal (I had some industry connections to get her a discount). So we go for a walk, and she tells me she has decided not to come after some prompting. I am a bit disappointed (even sad, cuz I'm really liking this girl at this point and wanted her to come), but I tell her I'm not mad. Just a bit disappointed. She gets a bit emo, and we eventually walk back to her place.

Now, at this point, I should have shut my mouth, because of her mood. But something else had been bothering me. Her ex, of over a year ago, and her have stayed in contact since. She told me early on she left him because of his lifestyle choices (drug peddling, drug use, not holding a job, being irresponsible, and somewhat temperamental and violent). I noticed a few weeks in, he had been texting her quite a bit, and as of very recently, posting things on her facebook that were strongly indicative he's not over her/not willing to let go. I know at this point he knew we were seeing each other. I felt he was kinda trying to weasel his way between us to prevent it from going further.

I brought up his FB posts, and the fact that when he texts her, it seems to bring her down a lot, because she had told me before he makes her feel guilty and bad for him, etc. He's one of those, who just relies on her low self esteem and inability to cut communications to kind of keep a hold over her.

Anyways, the convo about this did not go well. Later that night, she told me she wasn't being fair to me and that she was just not ready for a serious relationship. I was not pushing for one (at least not consciously). I was happy the way things were, with us seeing each other or whatever you call it. I really enjoy her company, we get along great, had a lot of fun together, and the sex was fantastic. On top of that, the week before, she introduced me to her parents kind of informally, I met her brother, her sister and her husband, and a few of her close friends.

To me, that was indication of things going very well. I'm not quite sure what caused her to snap and decide not to proceed, but I think she thought I was giving her some sort of ultimatum regarding her ex, or trying to make her choose. That was not the case really. I was just concerned with the fact that he was bringing her down, interfering with us, and not allowing her to go on with her life and be happy.

After she broke it off, I was pretty upset/shooken up. It all came so suddenly. A few days before, I was happier than I'd be in ages. Things were going perfectly. So we discussed it on the phone that night a bit, I told her I was pretty shocked and what not. We agreed to stay in contact and she still wanted to be friends (sigh).

So anways, since then, has been a little over two weeks. Despite having the urge to explain everything, and tell her how much I care and want her, etc. I restrained. She texted me while I was at the wedding 2 nights later, and said she was thinking about me and hoped I was having fun. I responded to her texts with about 30-45 min delays that night, said I was having a great time, etc. despite being kinda miserable. She said karma got her, and her other plans got fucked up.

Over the next week, she got kinda depressed, etc. Since she broke it off, prob only 2 or 3 times have I ever texted her first. Every other day (save 2 or so), she has texted me. My intention was to give her space, and let her contact me when she wanted to. So far she has, but she has kind of tried to reverse it a bit, and often delays unnecessarily, and isn't overly talkative. We've agreed to still hang out, but haven't since. Except on Saturday, where she invited me out to a bar she was at with some girlfriends, and when I got there, was kind of bitchy towards me after I told her I don't see why I bothered to come because they weren't gonna party after (I was joking around, but still bad move maybe). She got pissy, and ignored me for the next half hour or so. Since I didn't really know anyone else, I left.

She basically texted me later saying I hurt her feelings with that statement after I told her thanks for ignoring me. I told her she should know I wasn't serious (I'm sure she did) and that I was kinda disappointed in the way she acted. The next morning, she apologized in what seemed like a sincere manner, about her snobbish behavior and that she didn't mean it.

Anyway, that's where we stand. I know a lot of you will say I should walk away, it's oneitis, etc. At this point, I'm not overly interested in picking up a ton of women. Part of me is, but part of me realizes relationship type material does not come along often. I try to be picky, as not to get myself into a situation like I did before with my last long term relationship. I really really like this girl. I know she feels/or at least felt the same way. Things were awesome, great chemistry, etc.

Please give me some honest advice on how I can potentially work this out if it's at all possible. I realize perhaps with her personal issues, depression, etc., the loser ex hanging around, and her assuming I want it to become immediately serious, perhaps the timing is just bad. But really, I just wanted to keep seeing her, and wasn't expecting a real serious committment immediately. If anyone can give me some insight as to how to proceed, I would much appreciate it. If there is nothing I can do, or I fail at getting her back, then I think I will be on here a lot more to start becoming a legit PUA.

Thanks in advance.

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Red Dragons

Dude that sounds messed up for you, I really hate when things like that happen.

It sounds like she is conflicted with the ex boyfriend situation, I remember seeing a video of Ross Jeffries saying something along the lines that girls get things in their heads that are only temporary and you can break them out if it by changing their mood. I don't really know if this would apply in your case, but I will give you an example even though its not really that similar.

He basically got a girl back to his place, he was just about to fuck her when she changed her mind and said she can't do this because of a guy she was seeing and she felt bad. He didn't get angry, he just rolled over and said ok. Then he says you know what I'll make you more comfortable and put my briefs back on. Then, you know what I'll put my shirt on too. Then, actually I might put my pants on. Then, this would be better with my jacket on. So, when he is fully clothed he gets under the covers and tells her to stay above the covers and puts his hand on his crouch. Then he says, even if you wanted it to, my dick couldn't touch you. She is laughing her arse off and says he is making her horny and then starts masturbating. He then fucks the shit out of her.

What he demonstrates with this story is, she was feeling bad(temporary) about this other guy so he broke her out of that feeling with humor then got her back to feeling good again.

So I'm thinking, all though this is different, you could try something (maybe not humor) to break her out of these bad feelings when you see something happen with the ex and she gets down... Probably doesn't solve the problem when your not around her though... She is obviously still keen, it seems to me.

Also something else that might be worth considering is looking into some of the NLP that RJ does too. He can use it to associate good feelings with himself. Maybe using this you can make her feel better by being around you. Though from what I have seen, that kinda looks a little bit past beginner level, not sure where your at.

Anyway man, thats really all I can think of from what I've seen on here. Alternatively hang in there and see where it goes, worst case welcome to the community =)

Cheers
Creamy

p.s as a side note, sounds like pushing too much probably wouldn't work so if your getting frustrated might be best to walk away and cool off for a bit lol

Thanks a lot for your reply. Yeah, I will try and look into some of that stuff you suggested might help. At this point, still trying to ease back into actually hanging out with her again. From there, I feel that stuff would be useful to bring her back to the feelings she had before. At this point, more just wondering what I can do to reopen the possibility, or if I should just say fuck it and bail. I don't really want to, because she has/had a lot of potential. But I also don't want to hang around forever. We'll see how it goes from here. Any further suggestions would be very much appreciated.

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Red Dragons

Yeah well something to consider is that your pre frontal cortex doesn't fully develop until you hit like 23-25 years of age (age varies depending on the person but within that range). Now this is the part of your brain that controls consequencial thought.

Maturity is almost always going to be an issue when your into a girl 5 years younger then you and its more then just fucking.

Probably best to cut and run bro. Go out and talk to some new chicks man, you'll forget all about it in a few weeks.

Good luck!!

Hey man,

I think you have a wrong perspective here! You are mature and stable person who wonts a long term relationship that can progress and evolve. Now, for that you need a girl to be the same as you, mature and stable person that knows what she wants. This one does not! You will waste your time and emotions. She needs to figure out her life.

For me the red light of warning was the fact that she was uncomfortable to go to a wedding with you.

I think you gave her enough! Trust me man if you continue to push it, you will regret it.

You know, it's funny you say this. I've had 2 chicks in the past fuck me over pretty big time. They were both 22-23 age range. I figured that was part of the issue here. Younger than that, girls seem to do whatever you want, and become obsessive. It's this 22-25 range where they usually flip their life upside down and start acting unpredictably and as you said, without considering consequence. The last two I dated before this were younger, and still will not leave me alone.

But yeah, you are probably right. It's too bad though...thanks for your reply.

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Red Dragons

Trust me, I considered the exact factors you are mentioning here. I know you are right on the money. It was just something I hoped I could correct. Yes I would like a longterm relationship eventually, but was certainly in no rush. I think something gave her the indication that things were getting serious. To be fair, she was the one buying stuff to leave in my house for when she spent the night. I was certainly not pushing her in that direction.

But yeah you are right, she has a lot of shit to figure out in her life. She's one of those people who just isn't happy. She has a lot of downswings. Like I said, normally that's definitely something you want to try and avoid but because I liked everything else about her, I was willing to deal with it. But I guess they say, you can't love someone til you learn to love yourself. And she obviously has some growing up and self discovery to do.

The wedding thing, yep. She flip flopped back and forth about it. Had she come, it could have been a great benefactor to the relationship, as my family is very welcoming and fun to be around. The girl I ended up taking had a great time, and essentially wants to marry me now haha. Oh well.

Live and learn.

On a sidenote, despite me thinking it's about time to give up, considering we are still in contact, and the fact that she almost gave into a booty call a week after we ended things, any tips on how I can close one? I'd love to give it to her one more (or several) time(s).

Thanks again everyone for your input.

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Red Dragons