I have two problems when it comes to conversation. One is that, very often, when I'm out with my friends, I end up listening to their conversations with nothing to contribute. I'm just sitting there listening. I can't think of any comments or questions about whatever they're discussing; even if I think it's an interesting topic or story. There ARE times when I have something to say, maybe even a lot to say, but too often I just have nothing to contribute. I'm not much of a talker sometimes. How can I become more talkative?

The other problem is that, when I CAN think of something to talk about, it often devolves into a boring conversation that goes nowhere. How can I keep my conversations lively and interesting? I'm guessing I need more stories and DHV spikes and multiple threads and routines.

Please help me become a better talker. Thanks guys.

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Omeo

Hey Wurmwood,

I had the exact same problems as you but I overcame them with persistence.
I know that everyone says that one needs to be interesting and tell interesting stories, but they very rarely say how.

This is because writing a story to tell or any other small talk is incredibly hard to explain. It's usually done ad lib.

The advice that I would give you is, in conversations with you friends, just jump in at any moment and say something, it doesn't matter what. In doing you'll be able to learn at what times one should enter a conversation and what sort of things should be said.

After about a week of this, you should be pretty confident with the way you can handle your conversation.

Hope it goes well.

- Lilac

question certain things about the story.
"...so then we called her cell and pretended to be the pizza delivery guy outside her door, and she ran out!"
you could easily get yourself involved and say something like "aww man she must've been pissed!"
"what was the first thing she asked for? if the guy was delivering SAUSAGE?"
"I wouldve locked her out after!"

just general comments and questions that go slightly off tangent to the topic, but definitely not off topic.

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DipT
Pick-Up Technician

Totally with PU-Technician here on this one... just throw in some small lines that don't even have to lead the conversation somewhere and you will seem active in it and not just that weird uncertain guy that just sits around! Don't overdo this though... If you blast out a line after every single sentence they say, well... that's even more weird!

Another thing you could try: Lead the conversation somewhere, where you feel at home! Meaning: Get people to talk about a topic where you've got lots to tell. like when people are talking about holiday and you have been on this cool travel lately, just start talking about it! Lines like 'Hey that reminds me of...' and 'Hey that's exactly like...' -- when i was in the states on this awesome trip last year (for example) -- really do help a lot! This will first of all secure your status in the group, secondly make you more alpha and thirdly, if you got a nice story to tell about like that travel i was using as an example it will DHV you!
Good luck!

- DimplomATA -

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In order to get the best, you have got to become the best!

A good tip that hasn't been mentioned before is asking a detailed question, example:

"So the when the two girls were talking and talking, making weird facial expessions, and then suddenly, they both came up to me and threw a glass of water in my face!"

Then you can ask: "What do you think were they talking about?" Or a favourite, all-rounder that will always interest the group: "Were they hot?".

Also asking for descriptions like "what did she look like?" often works.

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"To know what people really think, pay regard to what they do, rather than what they say. "
René Descartes

Questions always keep a conversation going, but too many can be bad and make her feel like you are integrating her. Just for practice alternate one question to every statement.
“How did you feel after she said that?”
“That reminds me of a time I felt the same way.”
“Why did she say (or why do you think she said) that?”
“I said that to my buddy one time.”
Just make stuff up, its flirting, not lying-credit Mystery or Style??

When your friends are having a conversation and you're listening in you dont contribute because you think you have nothing to say or might sound like an asshole... this is not true. Your thinking about something whether its whacking off to grandma porn or playing checkers with your mom, change the topic of the conversation to what it is your thinking about and keep it lively by being interested in what your talking about