Please feel free to critique or provide feedback any and all of these. This is a part of a personal challenge: to develop a new DHV story every week (that way, I don't run the risk of telling the same one twice to the same person).

My first one, from another topic...



Cake

I got home yesterday and there was this giant box sitting outside my door. It was really wide and long, but not very high. Naturally, when you're not expecting a delivery, the weirdest thing to expect is a huge white box sitting outside your door.

So what do I do? I go up and kick it. I don't know why I did that, I just did. I didn't know the top was going to be so flimsy, and it caved in a little. I didn't even kick it that hard, just a little tap! I open it up and of course the side of the cake looked like someone stepped on it.

The funny thing is, the cake said, "Welcome to the Apartments!" (I change this to reflect the actual name of my apartment complex.) I had lived there for 7 months... nobody I knew would've bought me a cake and just left it at my door without wanting some, so I knew it wasn't mine.

I debated a little bit about just taking it inside and hoping nobody would notice, but then I'd feel bad. I called the bakery on the label, and ask who it was supposed to go to (thinking it was one of my neighbors in my apartment block), and they said the apartment office ordered it. I knock on all my neighbors doors and ask if they had just moved in - none had. I went to the other apartment block in my building and nobody had there either. So I go down to the office and leave it with them, saying it must've been a mistake, and hopefully they can get it to the rightful owner. I even called back the bakery and told them that I didn't order one, so if someone where to call back, wondering where their cake was, that it was in the office.

I go back inside, and a while later I go to do laundry. One of the machines ate my quarters, so I went into the office and guess what I saw? EVERYONE WAS EATING THE CAKE!

I was yelling at them, like "WTF!? You guys are eating someone's cake!"

When I had dropped it off, there was only one girl there, but now, everyone who worked at the complex was there. This one guy said, "Yeah, we got it for the new apartment manager!"

The apartment manager waved, and offered me some cake. She was this really sweet looking lady, and I instantly felt bad about stepping on the cake.

I was a little stunned, but I had to apologize, "I'm sorry! I stepped on your cake by accident! It was sitting outside of my door when I got home."

"Oh I see... well we'll need to talk about your month-to-month rate next week, come by the office."

Fuck.

lol haha. Yeah that is actually a good idea. I don't wanna keep saying the same DHV routines. Might as well challenge my own into making new stuff up and in fielding it. Whats the worst that could happen

Chain

The other day, I went into this resturaunt that I always go to because everyone there knows me, and they're all very friendly. I sat in there for a few hours, just talking to everyone and having a good old time. When I left, I got in my car, and noticed that there was this chain sitting on the hood.

I got out and looked at it closely, and it looked like someone had drove by and slung a chain on my hood! It was scratched to hell, and I was pissed!

So I drove home, which was only a couple of blocks, and as I turned the corner to pull into my apartments, I saw this giant box in the middle of the road. Next to it was this little truck, and some older lady crying her eyes out.

I parked in my apartments and walked back out to see if I could help. The lady explained that she had saved up for a long time to buy her son a big screen TV beccause it's what he always wanted, and neither of them had a lot of money, so it had never been possible. He had just graduated high school, and was in the process of moving into his own place, and that was going to be her gift to him. "THREE YEARS!" she said she had been saving up.

My heart went out to her, it really did, and I asked, "Well, what happened?"

"Well I left Best Buy, and was driving, and I guess the chain..."

Wait a minute! A CHAIN!?

"... and I turned this corner here, and the thing just flew out of the back!" She started crying again.

I couldn't be mad at her, no matter how hard I tried, so I offered to help. I told her that I was okay with electronic stuff, and that I'd take a look at it for her to see if it still worked.

By then a cop had showed up, and I talked him into helping me load it back into her truck. I ran to my apartment and got some rope and tied it down so good, we had to cut it apart when we got to her house. She had a little ramp we used to get it down from the truck, and we put it inside.

Now the box was mangled beyond belief, it really did look like it had been thrown out of the back of a truck. Surprisingly, the TV looked in okay shape, but when we went to turn it on, nothing happened.

I tell her to get me a screw driver, and I pop the back off. I'm no TV technician, but I saw this cable that was dangling next to a socket where it looked like it belonged. I pluged it in, and asked her to give it a try... it worked.

She offered to pay me, and NORMALLY I'd have said no, after all, I get this really high feeling when I do something good for someone. HOWEVER, since my hood was all scratched, I took the two hundreds she handed me.

When she pulled up next to my car to drop me off, I asked her to wait a second. I got the chain out from my car and handed it to her and said, "Use lots of rope next time."

She almost freaked out, and offered more money, but I said, "No ma'am! It's okay! What you gave me will cover me getting my hood repainted. It's alright, I promise!"

i liek the chain one a lil better i=t demonstrttses more qualities

A new week, a new story. (If I start to slack off, someone kick me.) This is gonna be a short one, so it's useful in the beginning of A2 or when you run out of stuff to talk about.



Homeless Lady

I was going out to lunch one day, and pulled up to this Thai place in a little strip mall. I don't know about you, but I absolutely LOVE Thai food (begins another possible thread)!

Anyway, so I pull up and there's this little old lady talking to a cop near the corner by the door to the Thai place. As I'm walking in, I hear this cop giving this woman shit for being homeless, threatening her with vagrancy laws and all that jazz. I was halfway through the door, but I went back out and kinda stood against the wall. (This is a good opportunity to lean against a wall so it looks like the girls are talking to you.)

The old lady spots me and smiles, and the cop turns around and orders me to move along. I was like, "Dude, I'm a customer here at the Thai place, I'm just smoking a cigarette."

"Well go do it somewhere else."

I lit my cigarette, and said, "Why? So you can mess with this nice young lady?" I gave her a little wink. "I'm sure she's got someone back home who's not going to like having another dude hitting on her, especially a cop."

At that point, she touches the cops arm like this and smiles, "Baby... If you weren't such an asshole, I'd have to take you home and make you mine."

My jaw drops, the cop's jaw drops, and she blows him a kiss and pushes her shopping cart away. We're both freaking speechless!

these stories kinda suck

The chains one is the best one so far.

Okay fine.

TAG! You're it!

Write up some better DHV stories for everyone.

you're going about this the wrong way dude.

the best approach i've found is to think of a story and then put all the characteristics of an alpha male into it. the characteristics of an alpha male are; leader of men, attractive to girls and looks out for his tribe.

for example, in the cake story, while you're knocking from door to door, looking for the person whose just moved into the apartments, perhaps there could be a girl. you tell the girl the story, she says she feels touched and she invites you in, determined to help you find the missing owner.

her roomie friend (male) and some of his mates are there and they try to talk you into sharing the cake with them. but you refuse and the girl supports you. you go back to your place and she then helps you find the missing owner.

of course, you might want to throw something exciting in there. something funny in case the target gets bored. maybe you're running your fingers through the girls hair and a ring, that your sister gave to you for your birthday, gets stuck in it, you rip a big chunk of her hair out and she's got a bald spot... stuff like that.

the alpha qualities here are:
- girl invites you into her appartment and helps you find the owner of the cake (attractive to girls)
- your refusing to share the cake with her roomie (leader of men)
- birthday present from sister