This just happened so hopefully i can get your input before i respond back to the text...

met this HB9 at a party on saturday. called her today (monday), chatted for a bit. not the most interesting girl, but nice personality so i said "hey im going to the mall tonight... you should come with me. i'll let you hold my bags while i shop." she giggled and said "ok. but i'm not sure because i'm watching my cousin's [who is much older, and she lives with her] kid right now and im not sure when she'll be home from work. she's supposed to be here already." i said "no problem.. i'll text you later about it" and she said "ok".

a few hours went by, I got ready to go to the mall and i texted her "mall time! ditch the kid and meet me at X o'clock in the food court."
she responded "im not going to make it, sorry...my cousin rented a movie and we are grilling burgers..."

what did i do wrong? what's my next movie?

She's playing games by agreeing one minute then flaking on you.

Try a bit of reward and punishment. I like to play a game where I give her points for doing things that please me, or acting in a way that helps us move forward in the interaction. Make sure you give her a good goal to aim for. Normally the goal would be a photo of you, your email/number or just your time!

Take points away if she lets you down or flakes and let her know she is failing in the interaction with you; something like "Oh -5pts for you, you keep this up and this is not gonna work out is it!"

Then follow up by telling her your still going and make it clear your gonna have a good time. something like "Well looks like i'll have to just get the girls in the store to comment on how good my ass looks in the jeans im going to buy"

Leave it at that and it should be clear that you dont care if she comes with you or not because you dont NEED her to have a good time!

I would say that your problem is not from the first text but you did shoot yourself in the foot in the second text: "mall time! ditch the kid and meet me at X o'clock in the food court."

You didn't DHV in that text. Instead you showed DLV marks. This by 1) not being a "protector of loved ones" and 2) you were needy to see her like you didn't have any other girl to go there with. I would never do that as if she doesn't satisfy me I already have x other girls to go there with or can go there on my own. I do not need a girl in my life to make my life better but if she would like to join me on the ride she is more than welcomed to join me and have fun with me.

By DLVing you are not attractive so the totally normal reaction from her side is her responce "im not going to make it, sorry...my cousin rented a movie and we are grilling burgers..."

good thoughts, guys. i was in chat last night and chaos and guru0z agreed with you: i shot myself in the foot with that DLV text. i think i can recover though. how do you think that text should have read?

uh or she really had to do that shit.

I wouldnt beat yourself up too much. But yeah be a little more aloof and laid bakc like u dont give a fukk

thanks eminem, that's the attitude im taking now. im trying to define this a little bit for myself though in terms of dos and don'ts. when you say laid "back and aloof," what would you say are some definite do's and don'ts?

laid back and aloof
do's and dont's

do's
be yourself, not needy, laid back, dont care, not a care in the world, free, public opinion (criticism) doesnt really mean sh*t because your used to attention, everyone else too worried worriyng bout how they look infront of others, not you, your a role model and a leader, act like it

Dont's
dont be needy, dont second guess yourself
dont think too much or too hard, first instinct go with it and learn

a few things i learned after i fell flat on my face a few times

amen brother. i appreciate you taking the time to list those. i set something up with the HB9 from the original post for tomorrow night. if she flakes again, it's over, her loss. we'll see what happens.

Well she flaked again. I texted her about 20 mins after we were supposed to meet. She texted back something about her sister coming in to town blah blah blah and sorry but totally forgot about our plans. A mutual friend (a girl) told me in the past that her social circle is quite small and that she tends to place a lot of importance on her family and being there for them etc. Ok whatever.

Well i had backup plans with some buddies so it wasn't like my night was ruined or anything. So I responded "ok, im on my way to meet my friends at X bar anyway so I'll let you make it up to me later..."
She responded "hah...uhm ok lol"

I went out with my friends and actually had a blast, totally forgetting about the flake.

I have an early morning tomorrow so I came home a little early tonight and as I'm checking the forums here, I'm thinking about this flake. What should I do? I was getting so many IOIs on day 1 that I would like to continue pursuing this (how should I go about it?) more for academic/learning purposes than anything (see how far to push it, etc...), or am I just spinning my wheels with a girl that's not attracted to me?

I'm currently successfully gaming other girls so either way, it's not a big deal.

100 points!

In the current status in which ur in, ur being needy cause u think abt her to much! How can u free urself from her if u keep chasing her. Remember, she should be chasing u instead!

So what u do now:
Stop looking for her online, delete her from your list if u cant stop looking at her profile
Maybe one day, when u see her at a bar u have lots of chances to DLV with two ladies decorating your shoulders . Then u try again...but in the time between keep practicing and gaming!

the first thing that came to my head.. was that you already tried to see her twice in like one week. I think that is showing bad signs as if you have nothing to do. I realized that women love a rare commodity. Being the guy that met her and gave her such great feelings when they met, and when you choose to talk to her make it brief text messages that are to the point and when you do hit her up it'll seem rare cause each time would have ended on a good note.

So after you meet, first text, "it was nice meeting you".. something simple and sweet will definitely get a reaction.. If you do choose to continue the convo after her response try to spark a positive mood.. then vanish and leave it at that and don't respond.. Cause you have better things to do, right? Go make some food, play some video games or even read the forums.. anything.

One thing I realized is that women love a forecast of good times ahead. Like say if she said in the first text, Omg, it was crazy that night I had so much fun! If you guys really had a good time then let her know that it's what's planned in the future and she's welcome to join. Don't say it in a cocky nor funny way but be like that's something that's normal to you and she'll be in good spirits to do it again. You can say she's down to chill again "sometime". Make sure you say sometime. Women also love uncertainties because you're not necessarily setting a date or time you just said sometime. And in this day and time, "sometime" could come around or sometime could never. So it builds intrigue to know if she's gonna have another amazing night with you again.



So talk to other women and wait a bit like a week or longer and randomly text her letting her know you wanna get together next week, but not discussing what and where. If you give too much information of what's on for the day, most people usually weigh their options and see what's better. Hey, it's only human and we all do it. Like say another guy she's also interested in wants to take her front row seats to a justin timberlake concert and you told her you wanna go to the local bar she's been to 500 times. What do you think she'll wanna do. She'll say something came up.. but then again if she's really into she'll make time.

Just be patient there's no rush. When you hit her up let her know you wanna see her like next week and you'll hit her up then and discuss the top secret plan to her.

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I made the mistake of being charming and handsome... I apologize

thanks sparks and SPAM for your input. i guess i was being too eager, and the frustrating part is that she was all over me at the party and now nothing and i'm really trying to figure out where i went wrong, since this has happened before w other HBs. like you said, sparks, i'm probably making myself too available.

UPDATE: So I was talking to a mutual friend and it turns out that the HBFlaker is in a long distance relationship with an out-of-town boyfriend that comes and visits every so often.

I don't have much experience with boyfriend destroyers other than using neg-like comments about the boyfriend. Now, I know I will see the HBFlaker again since our social circles seem to intersect every so often, so does anybody have any advice on how I should proceed when I see her?

Thanks for your input, guys. You've helped me out in the past more than you know!

Honestly.. Show that you don't care that she's even in the room.. because you don't. Talk to other women and don't worry about one girl when there's other women that you can vibe with and that are just as attractive if not more attractive that click with you. I think the only way up is to move on. But of course be cordial to her if you see her when your out with friends but just don't pay her any effort or mind.

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I made the mistake of being charming and handsome... I apologize

this happens to me over text way more than over a call or in person...first off you shouldn't be texting, it removes way too much of the personality from a convo. it gives people an excuse to flake out easily, since they don't have to confront you about it.
my favourite line in this sit (not that its great, but its a little neg, and i think its clever, even if no one else does) is reply "wow you're flakier than a biscut!"