This is probably too far gone to even worry about, but here goes.

I''m 27. I was at a bar on a Thursday and spotted at a distance a girl standing alone who I could tell straight away I had massive chemistry with. She was acting aloof/bitchy at first, but I pushed past it and in the end danced with her for a couple of hours, tried a kiss (which she held out on), but got her number (turns out she's 20).

I text asking to meet up with her on Sunday. She bumps it up to the Saturday. I agree. We go to a bar, then bounce to a club. In this club we make out a lot - frenching, pulling hair, biting lips etc., but when we decide to leave, on the way home she says she just feels really tired and wants to go home; so I don't ask if I can come with, or invite her back to my place. I also didn't mind taking it a bit slower with her because I'm also just fucking another girl at the mo (but who I don't really like as much).

I don't text her for a couple of days, then ask if she wants to go to a concert on Wednesday. No response. On the night she texts me saying she is basically outside my house and hasn't got time for the concert, but asks if I have time to quickly go to dinner. I was about to eat anyway, so I agree and we get something to eat, and kiss again near my house, then before leaving she asks if I want to do something next week. I say "sure, but I'm not sure which day yet".

Now, she was always meant to be going on a 2-week holiday two weeks later, but she then cancels our third "date" saying she has to fly off early "for family reasons" (yeah right), but she says in her message that she will see me when she gets back.

I don't do much until a few weeks later when she should be back, when I text her asking how her holiday was. No response. One week later, I try again. Nothing. Two days later, I'm leaving a club at 6 in the morning with this other girl I'm seeing, and I see this girl walking towards me with another guy, and it also looks like they have just left a club together. She spots me, and clearly looks worried that I might recognise her, and tries to get the guy to quickly walk in a different direction; but I think she realises that it was too late and I did see her.

Should I just take it that either I didn't do enough to ask her back to my place, or I had made myself too available/not played any games? Should I just accept she prefers this guy? Did she just want a quick shag, not a series of dates?

Should I take a principled view that I know she basically lied to me and so I should try and keep my dignity and give up on her?

I'm a bit gutted as she was the coolest girl I'd met in a long while, and it felt like we had an instant connection.

Seems like she dug you for the moment. You seemed too available in my eyes. Random club chick and you were always able to do dinner or any other activity, even when she had to adjust the time to her schedule. I would have laid off from asking how her holiday was too but that is me.

It may have just ran its course, bro.

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Yeah I'm sure I was too available.

I'm not used to having felt the same way about other random club chicks I'd met before though, we even had the exact same favourite band and same favourite movie (and they were both pretty weird/obscure).

Coincidences don't mean shit. What's exciting about someone who loves everything that you do?

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Yep. That is exactly what happened. You took it too long. She wanted you to LEAD, and make
the move on her...she didn't want you to be her boyfriend.
Right again. If you try to go back to her, she's going to know that you saw her with another dude,
AND STILL came back to her. It is basically saying to her, "I have no self respect and my options
are limited. That's why I NEED you."

Going back to her now or trying to come in contact with her is basically shooting yourself in the foot.

I'm talking from experience.
Probably she felt that from you, but maybe didn't reciprocate. You were putting her in the lead
position, and expected her to direct what to do. Every woman needs a guy to lead her, not
to think how cool she is and fall for her.

Best you can do is learn from this experience. Next time you meet that girl that you think is
really cool - don't give her the wheel. Lead and behave with her THE SAME as you do
with any other girl.

Don't expect her to lead, LEAD from the start and keep going.

Be smart. Learn from your experiences or else you'll just be repeating them over and over
again.

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