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PostPosted: Mon Jan 09, 2012 4:57 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2011 12:41 pm
Posts: 114
Location: Tunisia
Hey guys,
my game is totally based on cocky&funny, how ever some targets get annoyed by it sometimes, others just want me to appologize for what i said, others just want to take the lead of the frame etc...and honestly i sometimes appear needy by feeling guilty for what i said, and sometimes when i don't it get's more complicated.
here's an example:

HB: what did you pass today?
Me: An exam :p
HB: haha, i thought you passed a test :p
Me: i thought so too, but it was an exam!
HB: tune down your funniness, it's too much for me... :p
Me: No i wont, you'll get used to it.. maybe.. :p
HB: nope, i'm not gonna get used to it asshole, how have you passed the exam?
Me: oh god, you started asking those questions i hate again. Once i get my grade i'll let you know. :p
HB: Asshole, you couldve answered by "yea i passed well" or "no i didn't"... :p
Me: I know but i don't answer that, geez, who are you ppl ? :p
HB: ok, sorry

Now, i know this girl, she's looking for attention by "ok, sorry", i just ignored it... this happens generally when i hold my frame strongly, sometimes they just furiously want to take the lead and suck me into their frame, and every time i resist that they turn out cold or they fake appearing cold in order to win the lead and gain my attention.
I didn't reply to what she said, probably i'm annoyed by it and i'm punishing her for bad behavior by withdrawing my attention...

So, what do you guys think about that? is there a better response to that "ok, sorry"?

_________________
Golden Rules i learned:
1- If you complement do it a serious way.
2- If a conversation starts with a low vibe and seems not getting anywhere, be direct but not on an emotional level.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 09, 2012 11:06 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jul 02, 2011 4:37 am
Posts: 3276
you have to learn to set the frame, only stay in frames that are productive to what you want

the frame was,
chatting about schoolwork

she continuously fine tunes the frame and alters/controls it, and you stay within it

here are some frames that were present

(frame starts with chatting about schoolwork)
her: you did well on school work today? (seeks you to qualify to the frame, that it is congruent for you to be smart or not)

you: yes i did an exam (qualify to frame, alter frame, it was specifically an exam)

her: re-frame (asserts her frame)

you:re-frame(assert your frame)

her:qualify you to preference of you not re-framing anymore (assert your frame)

you:you don't qualify, you set qualifier that she has to accept your re-framing (assert your frame)

her:she reacts negatively and doesn't qualify for you, shoots qualifier to you, finding a preference of if you did well or did bad, trying to find what is congruent for you (asserts her frame)

you:didn't qualify(assert your frame)

her:reacts negatively, sets qualifier of preference to you qualifying for her (asserts her frame) this is bad behavior from her, this is a point that you should break rapport in some way, so she doesn't get comfortable with doing this

you:you don't qualify for her, set qualifier of preference that you dis-like these qualifiers (assert your frame)

her:falls into your frame, and qualifies for you


now that you got this, reward girls emotionally for qualifying for you, and break rapport when they misbehave

a response to ok, sorry

would be, don't worry, I know you are a good person, just a bit of a brat sometimes

and with negative and positive validation, just practice pushing and pulling, take away from compliments, and negative validation, before you insult a girl, pre-frame it with im sorry but..., or after a you are amazing, the follow up should be breaking rapport, don't lean to far to one end or the other, unless that is the vibe and frame of the interaction, always set the frame and stay congruent to it, and if the frame is not productive to what you want, cut the thread you are on, take frame control, and set a new frame

but when she is calling you an asshole, you should nip that in the bud before it becomes comfortable for her, bad behavior = break rapport and make things uncomfortable, good behavior = reward


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 10:55 am 
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Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2011 12:41 pm
Posts: 114
Location: Tunisia
Quote:
you have to learn to set the frame, only stay in frames that are productive to what you want

the frame was,
chatting about schoolwork

she continuously fine tunes the frame and alters/controls it, and you stay within it

here are some frames that were present

(frame starts with chatting about schoolwork)
her: you did well on school work today? (seeks you to qualify to the frame, that it is congruent for you to be smart or not)

you: yes i did an exam (qualify to frame, alter frame, it was specifically an exam)

her: re-frame (asserts her frame)

you:re-frame(assert your frame)

her:qualify you to preference of you not re-framing anymore (assert your frame)

you:you don't qualify, you set qualifier that she has to accept your re-framing (assert your frame)

her:she reacts negatively and doesn't qualify for you, shoots qualifier to you, finding a preference of if you did well or did bad, trying to find what is congruent for you (asserts her frame)

you:didn't qualify(assert your frame)

her:reacts negatively, sets qualifier of preference to you qualifying for her (asserts her frame) this is bad behavior from her, this is a point that you should break rapport in some way, so she doesn't get comfortable with doing this

you:you don't qualify for her, set qualifier of preference that you dis-like these qualifiers (assert your frame)

her:falls into your frame, and qualifies for you


now that you got this, reward girls emotionally for qualifying for you, and break rapport when they misbehave

a response to ok, sorry

would be, don't worry, I know you are a good person, just a bit of a brat sometimes

and with negative and positive validation, just practice pushing and pulling, take away from compliments, and negative validation, before you insult a girl, pre-frame it with im sorry but..., or after a you are amazing, the follow up should be breaking rapport, don't lean to far to one end or the other, unless that is the vibe and frame of the interaction, always set the frame and stay congruent to it, and if the frame is not productive to what you want, cut the thread you are on, take frame control, and set a new frame

but when she is calling you an asshole, you should nip that in the bud before it becomes comfortable for her, bad behavior = break rapport and make things uncomfortable, good behavior = reward
Thanks you always reply with detailed helpful frame control and shit test tips. I appreciate.
So by ignoring her "ok, sorry" i just broke rapport when she qualified to me! I thought it was a shit test to suck me into her frame again and be her little attention giver puppy...
And for her very first question, she wanted to know what exam i passed, she knew i'm passing exams this period i didn't fall to her frame by not giving her the answer she wants...

I didn't fall to her frame thanks to your post about qualifying and frame control ect, but i have some progress to make...

The only thing i'm confused about is that in this convo i was jokingly setting that frame, and she replied seriously to it, she always use smileys, but she didn't this, time, she knows I'm joking, but she falls into my frame and react seriously about it... i really thought it was a shit test...

This all happened in facebook she was connected from a mobile, so she can't see if i'm online or not, just 5min ignoring her "ok,sorry" she connected on her pc (yea you guessed it), and we're both online but we didn't re initiate contact... i'll freeze her out 3-4 days and see if she re initiate contact or else i will,

Thanks for the pointers :)

_________________
Golden Rules i learned:
1- If you complement do it a serious way.
2- If a conversation starts with a low vibe and seems not getting anywhere, be direct but not on an emotional level.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 11:52 am 
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Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2011 4:02 pm
Posts: 355
Location: Barcelona
Guys think that being arrogant and funny is easy and the reality is that it's not, specially if you are going to try the arrogant aproach be aware they are gonna test you to see if you are really that confident.

That's what you have to think about. Do you want to keeep trying the arrogant approach?
You can just tell her that you both have different sense of humor and that's it, tease her about it.
Be carefoul when you try the "funny" approach since - like I said before- since they might have a different sense of humor, get to know her first and find out what "makes her laugh"

_________________
Winners have simply formed the habit of doing things losers do not like to do 18/03/12


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 12:02 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jul 02, 2011 4:37 am
Posts: 3276
sent you a pm


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