| I've been seeing this girl off and on for a while now. She's in her late 20's, and I'm in my mid-30's. She has had multiple short, bad relationships, I've had long, bad ones, but haven't given up on romance. It's been back on for the past month or so. She has been a bit hesitant about wanting to date, and instead wants to take things slow and "hang out", yet she has displayed a lot of IOIs, has been more aggressive in pursuing me (IMHO, she will text me before I text her, and is suggesting what we can do the next time we get together before our current date ends, etc.). We kiss every time we get together, but she generally keeps us from situations where we'll be alone somewhere that things could escalate (the most activity has been a frenching session outside a bar before a friend took her home). I've been good about things, have told her that I'm fine with taking things slow, and will follow her lead in things. For Valentine's Day, I did try to make it a little bit special, and took her out to a VERY nice restaurant (the bill was $160, and that's with minimal drinks), bought her roses (not red, but pink/orange) and a card, and gave her a small but meaningful to her item as a gift. We had a grand old time, she again started to make plans for the next weekend, and again lots of kino, kissing, etc. before she left for the evening.
My concerns are that she is more than a bit of a flake. Every date we've had has gone through some type of last minute change, even the Valentine's night date (originally we were going to do something after, but she then said she had to go to some family thing). More often than not, the changes require me to have to jump through hoops to be able to get together with her. When we get together though, we both have fun, she is the one that brings up getting together again, and all the rest of it.
Part of me says that she's using me for cheap entertainment and a boredom blocker. Part of me says that she's very inexperienced in terms of relationships, has been hurt badly in the past, and doesn't want to rush into things. Part of me says that the fact that she keeps coming back to me says she likes me but doesn't know how to proceed (the card she gave me for Valentine's Day said she hopes to spend more good times with me). Part of me says she wants to be able to play the field (she has kept her on-line dating profile's active, and checks in on them every few days or so), and wants to keep me around as an emergency "dick under glass" so to speak.
Last night I was texting with her to see how her day was, and to help try and reinforce the good vibes from the Valentine's day dinner. I joked about the gift I gave her, saying that it was too early for jewelry and that lingerie would not have been a good idea either, but that I wanted to get her something appropriate for where we are and that she'd like. She responded back with while she liked the fact I was so thoughtful, I don't have to buy her any more presents because we aren't officially dating at this point and that she felt it it was a bit much. The next sentence was how very happy and appreciative she was for the gift though.
What do you guys make of all of this? Does it sound like she's playing the field and trying to keep me in play, that she wants more but doesn't know how to do it, or that she's a total and utter flake who should be avoided? From my side of the equation, while I don't have "oneitis" with her (I'm currently seeing someone else on a non-serious basis), I could see things progressing with her, and would want to do that if she ever gets her head together. I just don't know whether I should keep trying, or pull the ripcord now before I spend more time, effort, and $ on a flake. All opinions are greatly welcomed.
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