Hey guys, Ive resisted posting this for a while thinking I could find the info myself but after searching on here as well as other places im still unsure. Basically, I've got into a situation where a friend of mine and I have started meeting up for drinks knowing full well itl end up with sex. (taken me ages to get this far)

We sometimes text making it obvious thats what our intentions are (I mostly intitiate these first), but now Ive decided id like it to be exclusive with her as shes really cool as well as attractive, only problem is Im thinking that she still sees this as nothing more than a 'friendly friends' kind of scenario.

From what Ive gathered so far, correct me if Im wrong and please add your two cents if you can....there are a few things I would be better off doing such as...

I shouldn't be the one to bring up the bf/gf conversation, wait til she wants to, and even then say something like 'I'll need to think about it' or 'It will happen I just want it to be special when I ask you' before saying yes.

Make sure she knows that I'm dating other girls, so she can decide she wants me for herself

Try to connect with her, and do things together that dont involve sex

Don't come running every time she's up for it (its usually me who initiates these meetups)

Make sure the sex is really good for her

Other than these things I feel stuck. Honestly Ive liked her for ages and there are other girls that things could happen with, but I'd settle in a relationship with this one much happier.

Lately Ive been pushing for meeting her to do things where we connect in ways other than sex, but we're both quite busy during the week and she tends to put other arrangements before seeing me on the weekends. So I dont want to keep inviting her to do stuff if she'll just flake.

Anything anybody could add would be great as Im getting abit impatient and Im trying hard to make sure I play my cards right with this delicate situation.

Soooo in short....really good mates, hookup now and then for sex, I want to make her mine, dont know where to go from here. Help meeeee!!

PS the 'friendly friends' label is what shes said herself, while we were walking back from the chemists for the morning after pill from the night before (u get me) and she also has a tendancy to ask 'we're still ok tho arent we?' with regards to how we are together after doing rude stuff. She also ends up in quite alot of pain after sex which bugs me cus i really like to please...but shes the one demanding it hard etc while were doing it :S

Also after the last time I went round hers for a drink and we hooked up, we had a lil bit of a chat afterwards, and we revealed to each other that we had both told one person each about what we're doing. For some reason, there's this air about the whole thing that we should be keeping it on the low. (we both have some of the same friends and her best friend that she tols is also my mate)

Hiya mate,

I learned this the hard way - i have been FWB with a girl for about a year and we both see other people, which is fair enough. However, she started seeing a friend of mine about 2 months ago and i got a bit jealous because my feelings for her had grown since we started shagging each other on and off..... So i decided to tell her how i felt about her - BIG MISTAKE! She said something like "But i thought we were just best friends that can be like that with each other?" So, in other words "I thought we could maintain our 'best friends' status whilst having sex with each other occasionally."

What did i do wrong? Well, i showed all my cards, and gave her the power. I also came across as a bit needy and maybe jealous. We haven't hooked up since this conversation, and i'm currently freezing her out (she keeps trying to make contact with me but i'm giving her the cold shoulder).

So, for your situation this is what i would do:

1 - Keep it breezy for the time being. Just do what you have been doing and let it run it's course. Don't become a shoulder to cry on or someone who she can moan to about her life, this will put you firmly in the friend zone forever. Give her what she wants in bed and make sure it blows her mind. Make her give you what you want too, after all this is a two-way thing ;0)

2 - Let her bring up the BF/GF topic - girls are invariably always the ones to initiate this conversation - she will do, because from what you wrote above i can tell she is quite into you. It sounds like she does want a relationship with you but maybe wants you to demonstrate some boyfriend traits before she fully convinces herself that you're the one for her.

SO.......

3 - Display some 'good boyfriend' traits - make her aware that you have the qualities required for her to make her mind up about you. Be subtle. Demonstrate loyalty, discretion, throw in a bit of tenderness here and there, then be playful/teasing again. It's hard to explain really, its kind of like push-pull but in a more gentle way. Let her know that you're in demand by other women, but that you're pushing them back to spend time with her. She'll get the hint and hopefully she will say those magic words - "So, are you seeing anyone else at the moment?"

Hope this was of some help to you buddy!

-Soul