My story is long so I will make a summary and post more if you ask for more details. I would like all of you to write what you think about this girl and the future of our relationship and please answer this question for me: "Would you end it if you were in my shoes?". Thank you.

1) 4 month gf asks me about my exes and I show her their photos. She asks if I want to know about hers and I say "Your past is your past and I don't care unless they have to be discussed.".

2) Together with my gf for 4 months, we go apart for 1.5 months to our hometowns to meet our families and friends.

3) While we are apart, she tells me about things she is doing with friends but never mentioning who they are.

4) One day, she goes to a festival alone with a guy "friend" and he takes her photos there and posts them on FB.

5) I am curious about her friends so I ask her kindly to introduce them to me because that's what I did before we are apart.

6) She sends me a message and introduces all her close friends. One of them is this photo guy (call him A.). She says "He is an excellent photographer. He always takes my photos. He is my EX but we are very good friends. I didn't tell you before becasue you said you didn't want to hear about them.".

7) I can't take this bullshit excuse because even a child could understand what I meant. I call her and talk about this.

She insists that he is a friend and they do nothing romantic, continues to defend their friendship.

9) Becoming suspicious and asking her questions, I learn that she also visited his place to see his puppies but didn't bother to tell me because thought that it wasn't a big deal. He is calling her every two days, inviting her to places, talking to her on the phone about her day like a boyfriend would do.

10) They have been in a relationship last summer for 1.5 months and she left town for studies, they couldn't resist long distance, ended it (it looks like it really didn't end), kept talking online and she called him the first day she arrived at her hometown.

11) I let her know how I feel betrayed, lied to and can't trust her anymore, I am not comfortable with her accepting to see behind my back while she has a bf away and him persisting on inviting her to places knowing she has a bf.

12) She insists he is a friend and offended that I'm kind of asking her to take him out of her life.

13) I say I deserve better and want to leave unless she will set some boundaries.

14) She contacts him and tells him I'm bothered, she wants to see him maybe one time a month. He says he understands.

15) A day after, he sends me a message on Facebook, asking to meet me on SPAM.

16) I call my gf to tell her about this and she tells me "You didn't want to meet him? That's an opportunity!" and continues defending his contacting me, leaving me shocked and devastated.

17) I tell her I don't feel like this relationship is right for me anymore, I don't want to be with a girl who isn't fully committed to me. She begs me to stay and she will do her best to work on healing it. She cries telling me she wants only me and she doesn't want to lose me.

18 ) I tell her she shouldn't have allowed it to happen in the first place and come to this point where she and it will take a big effort and time on her side to mend my trust and feelings.

19) She calls the guy, tells him about these and the guy says he is very sorry and he won't bother us anymore.

20) She sends me a text telling this and that she is still only mine, loves me, "please forgive and forget", "love you".

21) It's my birthday in two weeks and we had plans for her to visit me here and meet my family.

1.) She offered to tell you about her EX's and you didn't want to hear about them.
2.) She's friend with her EX and tells you about it after you ask her.
3.) You act like a bitch. Demand that she doesn't see her friend anymore.
4.) He tries to introduce himself and talk to you.
5.) They see that you can't be reasoned with and give in.

The rest of the story is more or less your mind filling in the blanks cuz' of your jealousy. Did I miss anything?

Don't worry. Have trust in yourself and your relationship. Know that you're the best for her and that she'll leave/cheat on you only if she's dumb enough.

Let her have her friends. Only make a big deal if you KNOW for a fact that there is something going on. Other than that you're Alpha. You are the one for her and you have no doubt about it. Or at least you should be that way.

how do you think she feels when you at your EX her place watching movies with her ...she's stupid ... i mean everyone knows that hanging around with your ex isn't a good idea...

anyway yes you are acting jealous
tell her it's not about her hanging out with a friend ... it's how it makes you feel... she will understand more if you say it like this.
-----------
aside from all of this ... i have a certain intuition .. and somehow it's always right.

she didn't told you she's going to hang out with her ex right ? you had to ask yourself .. hoewever did you really said you didn't want to hear about him ?
she isn't really lying or anything ... and it really seems that she's dedicated to you. however it's really weird that this guy is trying to contact you, it's fucking retarded to be honest...it's not his business and you do not have to talk to anyone , if he gets the chance he will fuck her - period.

but again she can cheat whenever and where ever she wants.. you cannot control anyone. somehow i get the feeling you are seeking approval or attention from her is this true ?

i think you are mad because it feels like she is putting her relationship with her ex above yours...

in the end i do not think you have much to worry about .. she's not lying ( as far as i know she isn't hiding anything about him ) , he did contact you and she still tells you she loves you and so forth ....

what does your intuition tells you ?.. don't focus on the bullshit or jealous crap .. just stop thinking for a few minutes lets say a minute or 5 concentrate on how you really feel without judging. i think it's feeling and not a thought... do you feel betrayed OR do you feel your intuition is right ?

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Thanks for your comment. I personally beleive that it's not all about being Alpha or hiding behind an identity to look cool and careless. Someone needs to have a little intuition about things.

Yes, I didn't want to know about her exes because at that time, I was sure past is past and she wouldn't let her past relationships affect ours NOW. I do care about NOW and she has a boyfriend. Her hanging all day long with her ex and kinda dating him without my knowledge, talking to him on the phone every day like his boyfriend is not acceptable.

Like Lodewijkp said, I don't want a relationship where my gf spends time with her ex while I'm away and then comes back to my arms, always suspecting if the romantic flame between them is all over or will be reborn in the future. I don't want that type of relationship.

And regarding him, contacting me. I shouldn't be put in a position to compete for my girlfriend in the first place. He is contacting me because he is persistent to see her and doesn't respect her decision and relationship, even if he said he understood. I don't deserve to be put in a position where I have to talk to a past love interest of my gf for him to convince me that nothing is wrong. It's her responsibility to tell him at the first time that she is in a relationship and she can't spend time with him.

i know what you are saying and i know how it feels ... its just like the quote '' i rather die than live in fear for the rest of my life''
+10

communicate this to her when you get the chance .. it's all about you communicating how you feel in a genuine proper understandable way !

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Thank you for the replies. They help a lot.

I'm planning to be cautious and want to bring up this topic once more when she visits me face to face. Just to make sure that we understood each other because from what happened, it's clear that there is a communication problem in our relationship.

What would you recommend? Do you think it's a good idea to talk this face to face one more time?

my ex's man wants to talk to me. they've been together for two years now. (she's the mother of my child).

i see him twice a week, and he looks down and walks away, because i said "tell him, if he ever speaks to me, i'll shove my foot so far up his ass, that i'll kick his throat out his mouth! other than that, we're cool!"

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

What's the nature of her friendship with this guy? I gather they're from the same home town, so are they long time, childhood friends who just wound up dating last summer? Or do they have an extensive history together? Or did they just meet last summer when they dated, and now she's back in town?

I think that will determine what your next move should be.

Really? mcare put it in a very basic way.
She didn't tell you because you basically acted as if you didn't care. Not everyone ends up bad with their ex's she has the right and you have NO RIGHT to tell her who she should be allowed to see or not, be it an ex or just a guy friend, you have to deal with it. She's your girlfriend, not your possession. And btw, its not a child excuse, its exactly what you wanted. You're just getting insecure and jealous because you saw her with a guy who turned out to be an ex boyfriend, if you let this insecurity and jealousy take over you, you're going to destroy the relationship, which, you already started to...
She told you that she was to her place. Maybe the guy has other toughts in mind. For her, its dead, but for him, maybe he wants her again. Trust your girlfriend, don't trust other guys.


17) I tell her I don't feel like this relationship is right for me anymore, I don't want to be with a girl who isn't fully committed to me. She begs me to stay and she will do her best to work on healing it. She cries telling me she wants only me and she doesn't want to lose me.

18 ) I tell her she shouldn't have allowed it to happen in the first place and come to this point where she and it will take a big effort and time on her side to mend my trust and feelings.

Honestly, you're acting a little bitchy there, you can't expect for her for you to be the center of her world, and the part where you say it shouldn't have allowed it to happen and come to "this point"... What point man? Its not like she cheated on you, and saying that it will take big effort and time to mend your trust and feelings??
Man... grow a pair...

I admit you are correct about me having no right to tell her who she sees.

However, you are forgetting that trust is a two sided concept. Yes, I trust her with all my heart UNLESS she does not introduce complications into it that could make me question my trust or she does not put me in a position to ask questions.

On my side of things, I always tell her who I am meeting, I introduce all my friends to her, I inform her what my plans are or what I did that day before she asks me. I do that because:

1) I'm happy to share what I have done and who's in my life with her. It makes us feel connected.
2) I respect her feelings and our relationship so I put everything in the open, leaving no points for any questions or gaps in her mind about me.

I guess it all falls down to communication and being open.

She was not open with me and she crossed boundaries by allowing her past love interest to call her every single day and ask her out.

Boundaries are not for restricting people but they are limits to prevent suspicions in a relationship and allows full commitment and trust.

I'm not referring to you but I see that some people do not understand that and they can easily label people like me as insecure and jealous because they were never in such a position.

exactly.

trust is one thing.

stupidity is entirely another.

i hear it repeated too many times on this forum:

"it is total afc chode behavior to show suspicion toward your girl"

really?

even if she is walking around smelling like manjizz and cologne stumbling bowlegged and not making eye contact while constantly texting to a friend on her recently password-protected cellphone while wearing all new sexy clothes?

there are times when suspicion is not AFC behavior, but is instead intelligent observation.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

im with you on this one adonis.

you have right for some suspicion. to me it dont sound like the girl was totally straight with you, more like she slipped the EX in there hoping you wouldnt notice or mind... it all comes down to her putting it right afterall she created the mess in the first place. she needs to set her ex straight, tell him to back off. you really have to sit down and talk to the girl, tell her how it makes you feel and how would she'd feel if the shoe was on the oppersite foot ... its a hard one mate cus it either makes you look kinda insecure or a selfish c*nt.

It still isn't clear if her friendship with this guy was born out of them dating last summer, or if they were friends before that.

Either way, I'm with Mack on this. The thing is, she SHOULD have known better. Friends or not, she has a romantic (sexual) past with this guy, so even if it was absolutely necessary that they hang out as friends, they shouldn't be hanging out all the time, he shouldn't be the first person she calls getting back home, they shouldn't be talking on the phone every day, and he sure as hell shouldn't be trying to contact YOU about it.

Everyone always says, trust the girl but don't trust her guy friends. I think that's a load of crap. That's exactly how people find themselves in situations where they say, "It just happened, it was a mistake...." Bullshit. It happened because they put themselves in high risk situations and then act surprised when the risk became a reality.

Regardless of whether she's cheated on you with this guy, she's still putting herself in a situation of some intimacy with him. Does she hang out with any other friends back home as much as this guy? And more importantly, they have a romantic past together that ended only because of the logistics of living apart. So the question is, why is she playing with this fire?