| Be careful! Sometimes, this may be just like opening the proverbial Pandora's box. You may also open a few old emotional wounds. But it does depend on the situation. I'm more of a lurker her than a poster, so my cred may be low. But I speak from personal experience.
Now here's the dark side of reconnection. I just went through something like this. Reconnected with someone after 14 years. Back then, it was often chaotic between us. She was very unstable, had serious emotional and mental issues, screwed around a lot, was quite insensitive and rude, etc. Still fell for the crazy bitch though (I was a young chump!).
She crossed my mind one day, and after a quick search, found her on Facebook and nonchalantly sent her a friend request. She immediately accepted and shot me back an email. A few days after that, she noticed I was on FB around 2AM and called me. Good convo, sounded much more normal than way back when. We talked until the sun came up! I initially didn't expect anything to come of reconnecting, aside from merely brushing away a few old squabbles and whatnot. But we did become closer, but over time, still realized that, despite her own personal growth, she still had many of the same tendencies that drove me up the wall back in the day. I turned into a total AFC, probably came on a bit strong and even got the LJBF line. I lost control. I got weak and let her play me again! It drove me crazy to devolve into my old wishy-washy ways, after spending so many years clawing my way out of that! I was going nuts!
And just last week, it all broke down and turned into a massive fight, after I found out she was secretly seeing someone else. After I lost my cool and called her "the best mindf**k I ever had", she immediately deleted me on FB without another word. OK, I know, I probably could have handled that better. But I'm thinking I was hoping for that outcome, as this woman had started to poison my life (the dreaded oneitis), and, as much as it hurt, I would be far better off without that kind of destructive influence in my life. Addition by subtraction. And here I am, feeling pissed off and devalued, though still positive and optimistic, devouring PUA material, fighting to rebound and get my mojo back (also pulled out the old Tony Robbins tapes today! lol). No way that bitch is going to devour my soul!
Suffice it to say, I broke it off with her all those years ago for many good reasons. And years later, those reasons were still valid. It's always hard to say goodbye, and to walk away from a lot of effort, a lot of what-ifs, a strong connection, a lot of deep emotions and a good friend. But if the alternative is allowing yourself to be eaten away from the inside out, then you gotta do what you gotta do.
It probably wouldn't hurt to reconnect in a casual way (I have a few old girlfriends/flings/hookups on my FB friends list and we're all cool). Don't be a detective -- if you can't find her via a simple FB search or whatever, it could come off as creepy. Drop a nonchalant "thought I'd say hi" message if you still have her email (did she block you on FB?). If you can't find her by simple means, it's probably best just to drop it.
If you do reconnect, be very careful where it leads. Keep your emotions in check. Hold her at arm's length and don't get too emotionally involved too fast (unless she just wants a simple no-frills romp in the sack). Think back to the reason you both broke up (if it was you that initiated it). If she's still doing the same things, then don't let history repeat itself. Above all, you've got to be emotionally tough. Stay in control!!! Don't lose your cool if it turns out she's in a relationship/marriage/etc., or if she tells you to get lost, or throws out that LJBF line. Be prepared for anything!
And above all, it's a lot easier and a lot more fun to just meet someone new that works well with your new and improved self. Don't regress -- progress! It's also a much safer route with a lot less emotional baggage. People are part of your past for a reason.
Last edited by Irish1 on Tue Aug 09, 2011 5:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
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CHAT
. and that's it.