My gf and I have been together for about a year now. Within the last few weeks I've definitely noticed a decrease in affection and sexual aggressiveness. She seems "checked out" during sex lately. We also just got back from a 6 day romantic vacation together, and this is probably AFC to worry about but we only had sex 3 of the 6 days. She passed out/fell asleep the other 3 nights--the last night we intended to make especially romantic, she wound up taking double the dosage of allergy medication and was too drowsy for action.

She's also at the point of finding a new job and apartment closer to me, as we live a good distance apart and only see each other on the weekends. I recently accepted a new job myself which will require some semi-frequent travel (a handful of days every few months), and now she's begun to question whether it's wise for her to move closer to me if I'm going to be gone a lot. She's brought up a lot of fears regarding whether I'm pushing *her* away by taking this job and whether I'll wind up missing the single life when I'm traveling, but I've reassured her this isn't the case, I won't be gone that much, and for now she seems good with moving closer.

Finally, we had plans to go hiking with her girlfriend and some of her friends in a few weekends, and I'll be coming back from my first business trip that Friday. I told my gf I'd be back in time and she texted me saying they actually wanted to leave Friday afternoon to camp overnight and not to worry about rushing to make it. I said I'd book my return for the morning so I could still go. She called me a bit later and began explaining why it was ok if I didn't make it. At first I thought she was just trying to be understanding, but she kept going into every little detail about how I'd probably be too tired to come that I couldn't help but get the feeling she didn't want me to go. I asked when she was coming back and she said Sunday--I thought this meant they'd be camping till then but then she told me her girlfriend wanted to go see some band play Saturday night so they'd actually be back in town then. She didn't say anything about possibly meeting up with them on Saturday and we just left it open to see how I'd feel when I returned.

I honestly can't tell if she's just trying to be super cool about the new job or if this is the type of bad news that others could see coming a mile away. For what it's worth, her girlfriend is single and I'm not sure if the friends she's bringing are guys but that's my hunch. I'll confirm who else is going later. Any feedback is appreciated, thanks.

Sounds like 1 of 2 things.

1.) She doesnt like you taking the job and is trying to get back at you/make you feel the same way she is feeling.

2.) She is losing interest and is looking for other options. (i think #1 is more likely)

Its clear she doesnt want you with her camping.

It seems to me that either she's thinking of some other guy, or more likely she's just stressed out. Give her a month or so, then if she still acts like this, then have a talk with her to see what's going on.

And don't worry about the sex too much. It's probably only bothering you because it's coming at the same time as everything else. =)

Well, we can guess but only she can tell you why she's unhappy. Work on communicating with her.

It's always a little tricky, but you've been together a year, it's OK to confess some feelings when asking what's going on. Maybe something like "You know I think you are sexy and I love you but I feel kind of worried lately and I want to ask, Are we OK? You can tell me to stop being silly " Then sit back and listen... don't keep prying if she's dismissive.

Unhappiness is always the root of the problem. Not that she's interested in another guy, or that she needs time apart.. Unhappiness, her loss of interest, causes those things to happen, not the other way around.

Once you figure out what's going on, that will help, you'll be relieved, then start trying things to build up attraction.

Well, she texted me last night that she told her friend if I couldn't make it, she wasn't going to go so we could still spend the weekend together. So maybe there was nothing to it after all, or there was but she changed her mind.

Obviously I feel better now, but I think everyone's right that she's probably unhappy about something and I need to figure out what it is. I've actually told her that something feels off before this but she acted like she had no idea what I was talking about so I didn't really push the subject. I suppose all I can do is pay better attention to inner game and not falling into AFC mode.

Glad to hear everything worked out well. Any updates?

Thanks for asking. We wound out going out alone that weekend and hitting up an adult toy shop, so you could say things turned out pretty well

Hi guys,

I'm in desperate need of help. I've been seeing this girl for 6 months and I screwed it all up some how. She seems to be losing interest and doesn't want to make time for me. We've been fighting a lot, but it's always because of her lack of affection and time for me. She's starting to blow me off for friends etc. Last night she went out with some guy friend when she told me she was too busy.
I've tried not to come off needy but it's really hard with this girl. How can I make up for my AFCing and regain her interest? The next 24 hours will make or break our relationship and I really love this girl. We're supposed to have a talk about whether to continue seeing each other. I don't want her to think I care too much but I don't want to lose her.

Even if you think I shouldn't waste my time, please give me some pointers on how to peak her interest. Thank you!