When you're with your girl, and another man starts hitting on her, how do you handle it? I'm a relatively big guy, 6'2 and 190 lbs. from sports and weights. So it's not a question of being able to protect. From a pua perspective is it better to step in and be the badass, or just act unphased? I could see a girls response going both ways from thinking you're an overprotective asshole, to thinking you're not a real man that stands up for your girl. Thoughts?

One other thought, very much this can be a shit test from a girl to calibrate your potential for being a long-term companion. On the other hand she could read you as being domineering and controlling. I'm hoping there's a definitive right response to this question. Thanks

I always turn to the girl, and ask her what she wants. Just a simple "Is this guy bothering you?" or "Do you want this guy?". Since she's with you in the first place, and you're showing you care about her opinion, and not closing her in, she'll always say she doesn't want anything to do with the guy. If he still persists, then be that badass "overly-protective" guy, and get rid of him (Not necessarily punching him out, or anything, just making him leave).

I think that women really like that super protective guy. Just not the super possessive guy, which I think has become a muddled distinction in our society. She wants that protection, but not be closed in. Besides, being possessive makes you needy. When you ask her what she wants, she feels like she has control over who she chooses, then by selecting you, your guys' bond is strengthened in her mind.

If she gets weird about it after like "You know I want you, not him." Just play it off and tell her you knew that, but you didn't want to make her feel closed in. Simple as that.

Yeah, I find it difficult to stay protective but not possessive, so that definitely clears things up. However, this may sound AFC, but from what I've been reading and told by others, I feel as though when you are straight up asking a girl what she wants, like in that situation you described, you are putting a lot into her court, when instead you should be taking charge and doing what YOU believe is the best option and what YOU want. I sometimes feel that this approach is wrong for a relationship, but I am having trouble establishing the right approach.

Normally, you want to be in control. You're right. But here, you ARE in control.

First off, you are demonstrating that you could "take her or leave her", making yourself more desirable.

Secondly, if she says "Yeah, I'd prefer that guy," then there's something wrong with her or else you've been really messing the relationship up bad (unlikely), so you should eject anyways.

Thirdly, after she has "made her decision", you are back in 100% control again, as she lets you take care of the problem.

You can't be a badass/own the relationship all the time. If she doesn't have any input, then you're not respecting her, and if you're keeping her in a relationship she doesn't want, she's not going to make you happy anyways. If used correctly, asking a girl what she wants is very powerful on your part. When she makes a decision on what she wants, she has to consciously decide "this is what I want", and in her mind, she'll realize "Oh, I must really want this". It's a psychology thing. It's similar to building the "yes" ladder.

You described a scenario that I see with two paths. The guy opens directly or the guy opens indirectly.

Directly, you need to take charge of the interaction in a joking way.
Him (to her): "Hey can I buy you a drink?"
You: "She can't handle her alcohol at all, she'll be throwing up all over you. You're more than welcome to buy me one though!"
Most AFCs will eject here, any respectful guy will understand your position and joke with you before leaving, only a dick will say "No I was offering her one" and you really don't have much to worry about with them. Stay confident and involved in the conversation and your girl will probably want him to leave.

Indirectly, he's going to be ready to put in some effort to maintain this conversation. Use this to your advantage.

Ostensibly befriend him and use his conversation points to your advantage. He's offering topics to talk about, so enjoy the conversation and keep giving your girl kino. If he tries to talk to her privately, use kino on both of them to keep yourself involved in the conversation without seeming like you're butting in. Any DHV story should be met with just a hint of sarcasm.
Him: "Yeah I play lacrosse at ___"
You: "Oh really? My little sister used to play! I could kind of tell, you're giving off that lax bro vibe" (with a small smirk)

He may know you're AMOGing him, but there's very little he can do about it, especially without losing the girl's respect.

Your girlfriend should be: "I have a boyfriend" on any signs of male hitting on her. If the guy tries to continue anything with her, she should: "What do you not understand? Do you want me to call him and let you talk with him?"

This is how a real, faithful, respecting girl will react. If the guy doesn't leave her alone then it's your time to act, you have to put him in place. I only once had a girlfriend in my life and this guy was text messaging her, long before I stepped in relationship with her, then some time ignored her completely, then started to bug her again after a month of relationship with her. I got his number, called him and simply told him: "Hello, I am her boyfriend, she told me you have been messaging her and she doesn't like that. Are you going to stop messaging her or you and I have a problem?"

He said he's not gonna message her again. If the guy responded negatively to this I'd ask him where he is and I'd go find him and ultimately make him not message her again. Be sure If I had to go out to search him for this I wouldn't be nice towards him.

That's how you should react any time any where for your girl. Be sharp.

kino, kino is how to deal with it, tell her what you want to do to her later

Put the guy in the spotlight. Place an arm round her waist, smirk at her and then at the guy as say, "Hey! Look at what we got here! A player! He's going to blow your mind with his line. I can't wait to hear it! Let's hear it!"

You should portray just the right amount of laid back enthusiasm. The girl will have fun, and the guy would just become nervous with the spotlight on him, and you would've come off as the secure, confident guy. All in all, victory on all fronts.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Wow, you guys are fierce hahaha

I'm a little unclear about the title, "your girl" so I'll just provide two ways.

If the girl is your girlfriend and this guy is just hitting on her like a woodpecker banging the tree, I'll step right in and say something like "hey, baby having a good time? " Most likely she will give me this look, whether she is or isn't comfortable, whichever one doesn't matter because I would then look at him and introduce him as her boyfriend and greet him by shaking his hands. I will smile, I will treat him like another human being. I will look at him in the eyes and give him the warmest, understanding smile ever. Why? Because like us he is just another guy who is looking for that girl and maybe he doesn't know that she is your girl, so I personally don't think it's his fault. This will also psych him out, because I'm not reacting so aggressively or hostile. I'm friendly and warm, which will leave him on his toes and at the same time comfortable, like a lion purring at you while looking you straight in the eyes instead of getting ready to pounce the shit out of you. After all of these greetings shit, I'll probably ask him, "hey, man how are you? Any cute girls tonight besides this one?" *pointing to my gf* and laughs. He will probably laugh too or he doesn't, doesn't matter, I'm having fun and semi-fucking with him, but I'm being nice about it, so...... haha

If he says yeah or no or whatever it is, I'll probably chat with him along with my gf and just chill. Why shoot a guy down when you can possibly make a friend and have this friend blocked other guys that possibly hit on your girl? Once I make this kind of friends, I don't always have to be there with my girl, he helps me out by guarding her when I'm not there, because I just accepted him. Heck, I'll even let my girlfriend be his wing girl if I want.


Okay that was for girlfriend, here's someone you're meeting and there's this guy hitting on her while you're just vibing with her. You do the same shit but this time don't address your girl as your girlfriend. You look at your girl, call her by her name, "hey Jen" or whatever it is. "Having a good time tonight?" You take her hand, look at her flirtatiously, hug her, whatever that shows intimacy or affection and then you pause and look at that guy, if he's still there, and greet him, introduce yourself, and do the same thing as above. Shake his hand, become his friend, talk to him, make him feel comfortable and shit, because most likely he's probably not feeling comfortable and he's out like all of us just trying to find a girl to meet. And like us, we don't want to deal with assholes bfs or aggressive guys, so why not do him a favor and just give him a break. I learn to appreciate and respect those kind of guys the most because he's composed, cool, and just a fun loving guy. That kind of guy is kinda scary because he doesn't even seem threaten and affected, he knows he can fuck that other guy up but he doesn't, it's not worth the time, the energy, and the aggression. That other guy is small fry, that warm loving guy has bigger problems, he's just here to have fun, so when he sees another guy, he doesn't look at him as a competition, because that's just a negative way at looking at a fellow guy. He sees this guy as a guy who's just like him loves women and wants to meet them. He appreciate and embrace this fact and befriend him. I would hate to look at all of you as competitors trying to steal my girl away, and I know you guys are all respectful. So just chill and have fun, and be cool



- Nelson

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F*ck it, let's do it

"In order to fill your cup, you must first empty your cup" - Bruce Lee

"Becoming great with women is a by product of becoming great yourself" - Cory Skyy

excellent post mate

Excellent point you bring up there, nnguy.

I think most of us were taking it from the perspective of "You're with your girl, talking to her, being alone with her, and it's clear that you're with her". In that case, what we all said earlier is fine. But often times, it's like you brought up, and the guy may just not know that you're with her. Maybe you're on a date bowling, and you go to get drinks and come back to find him hitting on your girl. Very different situation, and I think in this scenario, your suggestions are probably better.

You don't want to come across as overly aggressive, just in control of yourself and of the situation.

Thanks guys,

I appreciate it. And of course, if it was the other scenario where he comes and flirt with my girl, knowing that I'm with her, then I'll probably just put an arm around his shoulder, took him to the side and tell him that he's getting really close to the line and I'm warning him to chill otherwise things won't look pretty. But these kind of situations, I would avoid it at all costs because it doesn't look good for my girl and I rather be the bigger guy and walk away than letting him influence my emotions and fight over it. I've learned this saying in my sociology class,

"the power to resist is the greatest power"

and I thought this was really strong because what my professor was teaching us was that people can give you negative comments, fight you, etc. etc, but if you remain calm, cool, centered, and nonreactive about it, the other guy will think what the fuck is with this guy? So yeah, I personally find other guys as one of the biggest threats to my game when I was starting this journey, but after hanging out with cool guys who are naturally good with women, I've learned that guys who are great with women does not find other guys who great with women as a threat, but they simply respect them. They respect them and they hang out and have a good time. So I thought I share that with you guys.


- Nelson

_________________
F*ck it, let's do it

"In order to fill your cup, you must first empty your cup" - Bruce Lee

"Becoming great with women is a by product of becoming great yourself" - Cory Skyy

Normally, you want to be in control.

This is what I can't stand about girls these days. They do not have any sense or honor. If you are in a committed relationship with your man... honor him. When she is getting hit on she should say in the most douschebag way " Ya I'm all set.. I've got a man" Or something like that.

Woman no matter how much they are into you never seem like they want to burn a bridge with a complete stranger.

Which leaves us asking this question about what we should to do.... The fucking girl who says she loves us everyday should be tossing these dudes to the side when they come knocking.