Not surprisingly, I expect to get some heat for this.
Girlfriend/Situation:
Asian HB9. I been dating this girl since October 2010, but I've noticed I'm becoming bored. However, there is nothing wrong with us while we are together; we get along great, we have great sex, etc. But we also happen to have some distance between us, which is part of the difficulty.

Problem:
I want some variety - I want to see other girls. However, as more people find out and know that I am in a relationship, it does become difficult. To top it off, I am an upfront guy and I do let girls know what they are getting themselves into... I can't help but notice that girls (who have no intention of being in a relationship with me and vice versa) and all hung up on this girlfriend nonsense, when I would immediately have them if I were single. And to top it off, some of these girls have history with guys who already had girlfriends.

My efforts:
I've done the whole "Lets do an open relationship" - she said no. "Lets take a break for the summer" - she said no. But what she did say is I can do whatever I wanted as long as she doesn't find out... "Challenge Accepted". This isnt so much about me and my girlfriend, but more about me and other girls who know I have a girlfriend.

Yes, I do want to have my cake and eat it too, and eat other cakes on top of that... I know some of you may not agree with my actions.. but for those who feel where I'm coming from... any advice? For every 5 girls, there are 1 or 2 who don't give a fuck that I have a girlfriend, but the rest seem to hate on it.

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Always down to sarge in NYC - Holla at me

Dude, I'm in the same situation at the minute, there is this girl who I'm together with, in kind of a relationship, I havn't discussed having an open relationship or even a proper relationship, even though I know she wants to, but I'm still sarging other girls, just as long as she doesn't find out

So, what I'm trying to say is, she doesn't mind if you are with other girls, as long as she doesn't find out about it and that, if you want to, you should do just that

That's what I plan to do, when I'm with her, she's number one, but when she's not there do what you want, I know it sounds kind of shallow, but that's just how I see things

Hope this helps,

Peace,

Troyden

Just because she said "As long as I don't find out" doesn't mean that she's OK with it. She cares about you and just wants you to be happy, but it kills her inside to know that you didn't respond with the "No, I wouldn't do that to you" that she wanted you to respond with.

Perhaps you're so distant because you don't communicate and talk to her? It sounds like your relationship revolves around sex and that's it.

It's not my place to judge you, but it seems to me like you're not mature enough for a relationship. I suggest you break it off with your girlfriend and then go around doing what you want to do. And don't give your (hopefully) then ex-girlfriend any hope of being with her by fucking her while telling her you still care.

While I agree with Young Guy for the most part, you might be mature enough for a relationship but if you are "becoming bored" why are you staying in the relationship? It's just going to drag on and on and on and only going to get worse. The spark you had at the start of the relationship wont magically come back so I think you should stop wasting her time and yours just because the sex is good.

To me it sounds like your just want to be single again. You're holding onto her because of gaurenteed sex.. And in all fairness - No one wants to lose that.

However, by the sound of your post you don't really want to be with her and that's why you want to go and play the field.

Just be even more upfront that you usually are and tell her like it is. You want to be single... Boom.

If she still wants to have sex with you after you break up.. Score. If not, play the game; without having a guilty conscience.

That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Secrets sometimes spill out and will make things much messier than before. It sounds like you are hesitant when it comes to communicating with your gf. You say you want variety and want to hook up with other girls. Is it because you've been thinking of being single again or is it because of the fact that you feel your relationship has become stagnant? If its the latter, I suggest opening up a little with your girl and express to her how you are feeling. If she's understanding, the both of you can work on making the relationship exciting again.

I wouldn't suggest going behind this girls back and betraying her. If the issue is in fact that you just want to experience new girls and multiple girls at the same time, then do her a favor and end it so the both of you can move on to greener pastures.

When I say distance, I mean physical distance, not a distant relationship.

She only comes to NY for school and commutes from NJ. With school being out of session, she has no reason to come here. She has strict parents who dont know she's dating. She's much younger than me, I'm 24 and she's 19, and from a strict Thai family.

So since school got out in Late may, I saw her once and that was a few weeks ago.

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Always down to sarge in NYC - Holla at me

SOUL_FIGHTER: Do you mean that your wanting to find other women because you see her infrequently or because your bored even when you are with her?

As she lives far away there must be room to play the field without her knowing... But as Vietnam100 said, it's just a disasster waiting to happen.

In my opinion if you want to play the fields break up with her. if you want to make the relationship work, tell her that distance (be it emotional distance or otherwise) is an issue that needs to be resolved to make the relationship grow.

But again.. I think you just want to be single and play the field.. I could be wrong, let me know man.

Yeah, that's true, I do want to be single
But the guaranteed sex (during her school year) really makes it hard to turn down
Even a lot of side girls are too busy.

_________________

Check out my blog: GDBCrew.com http://gdbcrew.com
Always down to sarge in NYC - Holla at me

Maybe you can put it to her like this.

- We're not real relationship. We see each other once a month, and talk infrequently. We both love the sex, and neither of us want to lose that.. All we are is FWB - We should lose our exclusivity.

Something along those lines maybe.

I went from the otherway round FWB to a relationship.. All depends what she's like, and how she'll take it.

To be honest - If you want gaurenteed sex. She is not going to give it to you without exclusivity. Say you want to break up for the summer. And then when your back together when school starts start the relationship up again.

Personally.. I think cheating is fuck bad - so Break it off, make it an open relationship.. But don't cheat.

You're using her as a safety net encase you cant get any pussy when your single - it's your choice mate, ask yourself what you really want?

You're choice though player

*Face-palm*

You KNOW she isn't into you sleeping around. When girls refuse an open-relationship, and/or a break for casual sexual encounters with others, and say "only if I don't find out..."

What they REALLY mean is that they wish they had the balls to dump your ass, but they're willing to be ignorantly blissful as long as they can remain ignorant, because they "love" you so much.

If you want to be single, be single. Don't string her along, especially when she doesn't fundamentally agree with what you want (in your case, an open relationship).

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- Lux et Veritas -

You are in a LTR but you want to be single. What is the problem? Get out of it ASAP.

You clearly aren't ready to be committed to this particular girl, and i bet not even to any girl in general right now.


Dude, you can't be in a relationship while still charging (and having sex). You CAN be in a LTR and keep on building your social circle. But going out to clubs/bars, whatever, just to pick up a girl while your GF is washing your dishes, NO.

Unless you want to be a bastard. Go ahead then.

Although some on the community might disagree, i feel it's not done to have something like "mLTR" where you have sex with several woman at the same time and be committed to each of them. You are single and fuck girls, or you get serious and stay with one, who at least deeply care about you. It's up to you to choose what you want.


In general, i would just advice you to date a girl a long enough time before entering a relationship with her (about half a year or even more). At least, you will be somewhat sure that giving up on other girl's will be worth it.

"Love lives, love dies"
Quote from Def Leppard. So true.
In this new era we live in, you don't see many love stories. Love lives, and one day, love will die, the spark will be gone, and there's nothing else to do. The "And they lived happy forever..." ending is rarely seen now.
I have a teacher who's been married for 45 years now, or so, I never ask him if he was faithful all along, but you like to think he has been. I kinda look after him and admire him, it is not easy to be married for 45 years.
Now a days, most of the marriages occur because an unplanned baby, which forces them to marry, and least surprisingly, divorce in a year or two.
I've been in your situation, I've felt bored with my relationship, and I've wanted the same variety you want. I used to look at the girls, and say if I wasnt in a relationship Id have them now. True, but I've always been loyal to my feelings, which tell me not to cheat. What happened? That feeling dissapeared. How? More time wiht my girl. I can't be with her all the time and she lives really far to go see her every day. I work, and go to school, so time is limited. I see her..2 .. or 3 times per week, and most of the times we dont have sex. Which makes me starve for it.
To make things small... this periods happen, in a relationship you can't keep the spark up 24/7. Maybe she feels the same and is already doing it behind your back.
Live your life, don't hold back, you can cheat if you want, but don't let her know. It will hurt her.
Some people will tell you to do it, others will tell you not to, but its up to you to make the final decision ust think it trough.

It sounds like you're not ready for a committed relationship with her. I haven't always been the most honest guy in my relationship (7 years now), but I made a commitment to myself that I would be honest with any and every woman that I've met since 1 year ago. It just wasn't worth the hassle to lie.

Anyways, my point is this. If you meet a new woman, tell her straight up that you have a girlfriend... or make it a point to have her "find out" so she drills you or asks you about it. I recently did this when a girl told me "you have a girlfriend, so why are you flirting with me?" First of all, this girl wanted the cock, BADLY. Second of all, my response told her straight up that if she had a problem with it, that we could be friends. (My response was "What are you, the dating police? Show me your badge!") I F Closed her next time I saw her.

I may not be able to follow my own advice in my 7 year situation, but I do seem to have a pretty good handle on advice for outside relationships, and from the information that you've given, I think you need to be honest with this HB9 you're seeing and man-up. Tell her that you want to date/fuck other girls, and if she's not okay with it that you're sorry but you'd rather break up with her than cheat on her. She'll at minimum respect you for being honest and not cheating on her. Plus, now you won't have to sneak around the fact that you have a girlfriend, nor worry about your girlfriend finding out that you're fucking around.

Honestly its hard to take this advice seriously, since you contradict yourself on the same advice you give.
You say you havent been the most honest, yet you tell him that he should be honest, and break up with her instead of cheating when you're the cheater.
Sorry.