Hey,

Seeing this girl on and off for a while. We mostly have a good time together, but sometimes I feel like she's using me.

She hasn't got internet (!?!?!) and I've helped her get cheaper deals on things in the past. But every so often she'll contact me out of the blue and then ask me to look something up for her, or email a company for her. It's not that often (once every month or so) but I guess cos I never need anything from her, I get the feeling that I am being used.

What do you reckon?? What stance should I take here?

Cheers,

Zan

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"The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

- Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

It's hard to say without more information.

Do you see each other between the times she contacts you asking for something? Do you talk? Or do you randomly get a message from her after weeks of no contact, asking for something?

If it's the later, tell her you're not going to be her little go for guy. If you're talking and having fun between her asking you to do stuff, it's not quite so bad.

If you don't want to do something just say no.

If its just little things and your getting it in, who cares. No need to make a big deal about it.


I forget where I've read this but the more time you invest in someone one, like doimg favors the more you like them/care, (because you have more invested). Try making her do something for you and see how it goes

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Thanks guys!

As always, it's great to have other people's insight into these things

Zanny

_________________
"The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

- Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

Sidenote: You should definitely make something happen soon, or you will lose her.

This on and off thing only lasts that much.

I hear you Little Panda. I agree totally. It's been on and off for about 4 years though. hehe. I think it's only really me that's making it "on" again. She keeps taking me back though.

I've gotta stop going back for her, but she's got this allure that I can't resist. Oh, the temptations of the one-itus! Hehe!

I'm only an AFC human I guess! Trying to reform into some sort of semi PUA

_________________
"The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

- Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

4 . . . YEARS?

If she hasn't friendzoned you yet, I promise I will run naked in my neighborhood yelling 'fredooom!' and flipping old people off. Because, you know . . . that's what you do when you find out you have not been friendzoned when you thought you had.

Anyways, start flirting and adding sexuality in your interactions. Start off with that and see how she responds to it.

Don't go any further than that and don't go any less than that either.

I can see where hes coming from. Me and an ex girlfriend were on and off for 4 years, and despite her constantly saying we're nothing more than friends, it didn't stop me from fucking her in every room of her house every now and again.

We ended up getting together for a while, but then broke up, we don't talk anymore.

That's right Danzella, that's about that same sort of "relationship" I've got with her. I guess I should just leave it alone as a bad job, but she's got a great body and I enjoy her company!

Still sarging though. Pity it hasn't worked out with her, but that's the way it is!

Will also take your advice about flirting and what not Panda!

Cheers guys!

_________________
"The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

- Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

If you pay a prostitute $100 for a blow job and she gives you the best BJ of your life and you walked away satisfied and thinking it was an equitable trade off - was she using you for money??

We all use each other for something and as long as we feel we are getting out of it what we are putting into it, then it is all good.

If you feel you are putting more into it than what you are getting out of it and at the same time you feel that the other person is getting more out of it than what they putting into it, then there is a problem.

I get the idea that you feel she is getting more out of your arraingment than what she is putting into it while at the same time you aren't satisfied with what you are getting back.

If that is true then you have a problem regardless of what her intentions are or not.

It may be time to move on.

You're pretty astute here2play. I have been feeling like that for a while.

Funny thing is, as we all KNOW, every time I pull back and leave things alone, she becomes interested again. It's knowing how to play it I guess.... or just leave it alone as you say.

The good thing is that I'm not devastated when it goes tits up and I just carry on with my life regardless.

_________________
"The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

- Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

If it's not hurting you emotionally I don't see a reason why you can't carry on. When I was in your situation, I backed off from her, I saw other girls and thats when she became more interested.

When she becomes interested, continue showing a lack of interest, and then gradually slowly increase your amount of interest until you're "seeing" each other again, then, start talking about another girl you're interested in. It'll give her a fear of losing you, if you want to be with her, you can ask her out a couple of weeks later.

as said before...see other girls. she'll come back to you. so she won't see you as a pedel-stool then.

OK.. Thanks for your input guys

Zanny

_________________
"The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

- Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)