I'm 22 in a LTR with 28yo. It's my first serious meaningful relationship. She had a few.

We're very serious. We've been together for 6 months now. We're living together now for 2-3 months. We've been talking about our future etc. Etc. We never FELL in love but we built a healthy relationship from day one.

That being said. I always had solid Inner game (I was quite a natural) and huge self esteem. I would never in a million years doubt in myself. I probably have god complex.


Here comes a BUT...

I have a feeling I will destroy a relationship with a girl I love. It looks I started being a bit insecure since my "more experienced" girlfriend has a lot of guy friends and talks with them quite often.

Let me be perfectly clear: I HAVE ABSOLUTLY NO REASON TO BE JEALOUS. I'm just being an insecure pussy. I know that every time I get this feeling my mind is playing tricks on me and try to resolve it rationally.

She gets a lot of emails, fb messages, text messages etc. And I couldn't care less. But if I spot any name (we use the same computer) I can get jealous in a second. I can feel crappy but I try not to mention it because I am aware that it's my problem not ours.

It's hard for me to talk with her about her past partners ( I never had this problems and had quite a few partners myself but I was not emotionally involved ). it's hard to talk about how he spend some time with a guy friend (in present tiime) etc. It's just fucking retarded.

I want to get past this without letting it eat my relationship inside out.


WHAT DO???

Since freshmen year of highschool I've been in and out of LTRs. Any time I get jealous or feel like I am getting insecure or feel like my GF is getting a lot of attention from other guys, I will go out and do something exciting without her.

Go out and make a ton of new friends doing something you really enjoy. I usually go hiking or something out doorsy. If you start pulling the attention of other women then great! You're doing your job right! This will make her realize that there is a possibility of losing you to one of these other women. This will cause her to chase you becuse you have DHV by having fun with all these other women.

Any time one of my LTR GFs notice me hanging out with other women they will almost always get jealous. Just be careful because sometimes this causes them to hold on WAY to tight. It is always a plus to have her chasing you and for you to just be enjoying yourself / the company of others.

Hey Saroza,

Thanks for your reply. I actualy noticed a few days ago that dispite the fact that I'm living pretty active and interesting life I actualy "see too much of her". I don't feel like that even when we spend whole day together but if I have super-busy day (playing poker, business etc. combined in one day) I can let things go much easier and I'm out of my head (I never had this problem before LTR). I actualy walk around and see girls turn their head etc.

But I think there is a core solution for all this. I can't just force myself to be busy in order to be my best self and act as I did before and I should be at all times. I love days when I just wake up on working day not giving a fuck and just watch TV or play golf.

What exactly are you worried about? That she will leave you if she talks to another guy?

How close are you two? Do you often open up and discuss problems? Trust issues lead to insecurities and jealousy. I've found the easiest way to build trust is if both people open up and feel like they can discuss anything without being criticized or judged.

Personally I dont think jealousy brings anything positive to a relationship. You know how you react, imagine the tables turned and she was jealous, then slowly became annoying and possessive because she couldnt deal with her emotions.

I agree with having time to yourself because devoting all your time to her will cause you to resent her. Try to find a balance between time together and time apart.

Well that's the thing. I'm not worried about her leaving at all. AT ALL. So the "bad feeling" is just retarded. Like I said in first post I am 100% aware that this is my mind playing tricks.

It's obviously not about fear of her leaving me. What then? Why do I feel crappy (for a moment) when I see her talking to her ex that I know is happily married and wouldn't rationaly bother me anyways.

I think that we both trust each other but (there is always a but) we only discuss issues about our relationship. In past 6 months I don't know if we ever talked about our personal (out of relationship) problems. We don't talk much about each other (my business, our hobbies etc.) we only talk about relationship or superficial things.


I really apreciate your response. I was just thinking about this and will try to "push" us to just talk more about other things so we could at least start to feel like part of each others life (and we live together).

I don't show my jealousy tho. I have quite good knowledge about human psychology so I can put my fillings where they belong and I know when we actualy have a problem and when my mind just makes one up. It doesn't effect relationship directly but it does effect me and it will effect relationship in long term.

you are not jealous .. these are projections of values you don't like because you want them instead of seeing others getting them... you want more attention , like your GF - she is getting all these messages from chodes and all that shit.

by the way ...your inner game is shit .. she just confronted you with it by making these jealous feelings arise in you.

guys who are afraid their girlfriend will cheat just want their girlfriend to cheat ...or.. they want an excuse to cheat themselfs just because they are not really in love or anything. they do not really like the relationship ....

you probably don't love her ... you are trying to find a mother in your girlfriend otherwise you would be attracted in the first place. You need security and now she a lot of messages and mails and you feel insecure.....

how is your relationship with your mom or dad ... ? anything special happened ?
you don't want mom to go out and meet other dudes .....

answer this

what do you hate in woman ?
what do you like in woman ?

what do you like about your mom ?
what do you hate about your mom ?

what do you like in men ?
what do you like in your dad ?
what do you don't like about your dad ?

what do you seek into a girlfriend ? what do you want from her ?

not answering these question make me assume im right ... because then you choose to be ignorant .. just like '' I HAVE ABSOLUTLY NO REASON TO BE JEALOUS '' ... you have a reason but you locked it away somewhere in you mental prison

you ignore that fact ... not answering my questions is the same thing so im assuming you will repeat the behaviour and try to avoid my questions.... if you want to get more concious i recommend you give me a decent answer.

by the way ... going out and talking to other woman and pretending nothing happened is denying the fact you have poor inner game... it's ok to game woman as long you don't do it to solve your inner game problems.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Check out the thread I made a while ago, hopefully something in there can help how you're feeling by helping you figure out why you feel that way.

after-jealousy-sexual-enlightenment-vt91940.html

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

I've been in your situation befor. Seen messeges from other guys on her fb. Turns out it was past loves, and past ex's. Immediately i said to myself..ok...am i gonna accept seeing all this shit from other guys and act like nothing happened or am i gona talk to her and confront her about how i feel. Yes, option number 2. I told her how i felt about her talking to her ex's and stuff, and i took control. I told her i didnt wanna see any of does pussy's write her another msg again. I wasn't going to allow any other man try to flirt with my girlfriend. So basically whatever man i see as a threat to me i quickly comfront her and out alpha them. She can talk to guys, but their like choads and thats okay with me :p shit i even talk to them from time to time. So basically what i did was i took control... i didnt over do it, i simply let her know how i felt and i was right, does losers were trying to flirt with her. So today she loves me more than everrr and we always joke about the guys that try to talk to her and stuff. The key is great communication and trust. Dont avoid any topics. Follow your impulses, dont be afraid of her leaving you, cause your just being a man and taking control. thats sexy.

he is afraid of leaving her and he is out of control ... that looks clear .... it's not as simple like telling yourself '' i got control etc ''.

talking to her can help but it can also make you come off like a jealous afc chode...talking to her can help but it's actually a insecurity which he is projecting, talking to her can only make her aware of his issues - making her prone to leading the relationship.

he is already lowering his value by being intimidated by all her messaging around which in the end of course means nothing.

deal with this insecurity yourself first and 2nd talk to the gf.

most woman do not like insecure men...they lose attraction or respect and you also have woman wo actually like you being insecure - they will just message on to make you more insecure to get more control over the relationship this way.

you cannot be confident - not give a shit and talk about this issue with her - if you strike up this conversation she already knows... cmon guys that's how woman think - they aren't stupid. they unconciously read subcommunication like body language etc ... when you feel deflated in a relationship THEY KNOW....if you have a nice but secretly manipulative woman she won't even talk about because she knows it's a way of control. ALL WOMAN do know social proof is a way of control... since they are social creatures.

im not going to give woman psychology 1 on 1 ... it's his problem and not hers - acting like she's is the source of the problem is bullshit... she is not 1 % responsible for his feelings , it's a free country you can see everyone and fuck everyone you want. Talking to her about the issue is a horrible strategy in general.. woman don't give good advice in general and they defenitly won't give away their power.

woman like attention from everyone .. even messages from chode like '' wow you lok good '' give them good emotions - like a drug. It doesn't mean she will fuck these guys and she isn't even attracted to these chodes SHE IS JUST USING THEM FOR BOOSTING HER OWN SELF ESTEEM. if you don't like her doing it and talk to her about it she will just keep on doing it in secret without you noticing - all woman are like this.... no doesn't mean no ... yes doesn't mean yes.

this isn't a relationship problem ... you as well can move the thread to the inner game section because it doesn't have anything to do with her ... it got all to do with him.

cmon is this the only problem you got ? some woman messaging some friends and some dudes ? if you cannot handle this shit you might as well end the relationship... because their are worst things to come when it comes to relationship.
everyone who is into a long term relationship doesn't like it when it ends .... he should be not afraid of leaving her ... waiting for her to leave is just a passive mindset. Ask yourself this question : do i have the guts to leave her when some things go wrong ?
answer - no : inner game problems
answer- yes : your ok

answer is no because he already he's insecure about her messaging other people....if he doesn't reply to my reply and the replies of the guys above - he is being unconciously ignorant on purpose , in that case it's a waste of time to even reply to this thread - because then he cannot be counter intuitive.

_________________
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@Rye Lee: Thanks. I read your topic before and it was quite informative.

@dtrak: I think you have a very good point there. I would just be very carefull in your situation to not cross the line between "taking control" and "showing insecurity". But I think you handled it well.

In my situation this is not apropriate response since she's talking to her very good guy friends etc. I am (rationaly) not intimidated but there obviouly is a big flaw in my inner game.

@Lodewijkp: I apreciate your response. I really do. But you've made quite a few assumptions in your posts.

1.) I would never in a million years say that she's doing something wrong (that it's her fault). It's my problem. I don't blame her and I DON'T talk to her or show her this feelings. I DON'T MAKE THIS OUR PROBLEM. It's my problem that I feel crappy about this.

2.) Like I said in my first post my inner game obviously isn't as solid as I thought. I never had any similar problems untill entering LTR. You can call my inner game shit. In this situation it certainly is.

3.) "I am not afraid of her cheating or leaving." This is what I would honestly respond to myself when asking the question "am I afraid". But am I living in denial? Maybe.

I have a good self esteem, high value (and know how to show it) and I was never (ever) dumped by a girl. Why on earth would I be afraid of her leaving? But it is possible that this is the core of the problem in deep in my "mental prison". I guess.

But I still have the filing that I actualy am in control of our relationship. The only thing I'm not in control of are my feelings at specific moments.

4.) Trying to find my mother in my girlfriend? higly unlikely. I am physicaly attracted to her from day one even if I didn't fell in love. Sex life is GREAT. I never had any problems in my family. I have a very loving, supporting family. I would have to try reeeally hard to find anything in my past that I could describe as a "problem" inside my family. I can't think of one thing right now.

5.) I don't choose to be ignorant. I started this topic with sole reason of getting different prespective on my feelings. I want to know whats going on. If I wanted to be ignorant I would start a topic "why is my girlfriend doing this to me".

I wanted to answer your questions earlier but after I read your second post I decided to offer my answers to your assumptions first.

If you are still prepared I will answer them without any problem. But I know what you're aiming at and think that your theory might be a bit off.

6.) I'm not going out and gaming girls. I love this girl and right now I don't need any other girl. I just want to sort my insecurities out so I don't feel like crap in certain situations.

----
Second post:

7.) I'll start by answering your last question. Do I have the guts to leave her? No fucking doubt.

I was tought that you take care of #1 first very early. Especially my experiences in business world that I entered when I was 18 tought me that I take care of myself first. Then (BUT ONLY THEN) the ones I love and then everybody else.

I do not want to leave her tho. I love her, we have a healthy relationship. MY issue here are my feeling in certain situations. BUT THAT IS MY ISSUE. It will not change if I change GF. I want this sorted in order to have a better relationship with her.

I would leave her in a second if I thought that is what I want/need. I am being honest here. It would probably be just as hard on me as it would be on her but I would pack my things in a second and walk out.

8.) I did not lower my value (at least not in her eyes) I never showed my feelings. I know that's not her fault and just want her to feel as good around me as I feel around her (except for my "weak moments" ).

I will sum my problem once again as I see that despite his best intention Lodewijkp's last post was a bit in wrong direction.

SHE has absolutely nothing to do with my feelings. She is a great woman that I respect deeply.

I have inner game problems. Relationship is ok. (I shoud actualy post this under "Inner game". You are correct.

Problem: I feel crappy WITHOUT REASON when she gets texts from other guys. I am (at least rationaly) not afraid of her leaving me. I won't leave her at the moment because I love her and she has nothing to do with my probblems.[/u]

I typically prefer to deal with people on the subconscious level because it has been proven that that's where pretty much everything happens in your life, not your conscious thoughts. So perhaps it is bothering you because subconsciously you fear that she is getting happiness, fun, laughter, excitement or whatever emotions that you aren't supplying her with, from other guys. If that's the case, it could be due to the fact that you don't think you're doing a good enough job of keeping her as happy as you want to and you are worried like I said in the other thread, that you aren't enough to satisfy her.

Even without a sexual element that is something most people have difficulty with, I'm still working at eliminating those issues myself and I have no problem with my girl sleeping with other men. Most girls are more hurt by an emotional betrayal than if you cheated just for the sex and most men subconsciously are more affected on that level as well.

_________________
"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

im not insulting you .. im being short - direct....these questions can sound instulting and the assumptions i make is just to get a clear answer.

there is something on subconcious level , it needs to rise to a concious level.

now let go of the idea my post was in the wrong direction ... what if it's not true but not false either.....stay open minded.

a real mature man wouldn't feel these insecurities and they can be a real pain in the ass if they develop to a higher level, a real man wouldn't feel insecurity at all. what is holding you back from being a man ? is it something in life ? problems at work ? or does it have to do with parents or friends ?

what is corrupting your values from deep within ?
well you are afraid she will leave or cheat otherwise you wouldn't feel crap when she gets texts from other guys.... i don't believe you perform this behaviour out of love or anything .. i think it's fear - maybe projections from your past ?

still would be cool if you anwered my questions , those described earlier. - just keep them short and clear .. no long stories etc... i got a extra question which can be longer ; what is your purpose in life ?
anwering these question can help ... you got nothing to lose by answering them.

if something is subconcious there is no way you can solve it by reading some simple messages from a board , most people give up at this point and only offer some simple advice to ignore the fact that it's a complex problem. it's true that one idea can change it all but it doesn't change the fact you need to dig into your inner core.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

You say you're very secure in yourself and all, but that's only because you've never been in a relationship. So....you're now just seeing a different side of yourself you didnt know existed. If she's 28 and you're 22 then she will leave your ass in a heartbeat if you display a lot of jealousy, as she will see it as you being too immature for her. She's probably at a stage in her life where she wants to find the one and doesn't want to tolerate childish bs, so get your act together and just trust her until she gives you a good reason to not be trusted.

@Lodewijkp: I will get back to you at lenght later (I'm quite busy these days).

@Impreza_217: I hear you. I was thinking exactly the same and that's the reason I posted here.

I never talked to her about my jealousy. It's not her problem and it would only lower my value. Yes she's at the stage of her life where personality traits matter the most as she looks for someone to spend a life with.

And to be honest this is what I want (or at lease very long term relationship). I've had huge success with women but kept it at ONS or just booty calls. Now I want more.

Anyway I got a great advice from my (PUA) friend. I've basicaly joked with her about how she must be getting tons of booty call text messages all the time etc. We really kept it as a joke but we actually talked about why both of us need more than flings in this point in our lives (I have few very successful companies, I've done more than my fair share of crazy things young guy can do with enough money etc.).

She read few attempts from her exes to get her in bed and we laughed about their pathetic attempts etc. It helped me A-fucking-LOT in 15 minutes of conversation and she feels much more secure now too (she has basic idea of my past and has seen random girls hitting on me). It helped both to just talk to each other about why we chose to be together.

So yes. My inner game is not at all as solid as I tought and I needed this. I will still keep up the thread I started with Lodewijkp out of interest.

LODE is SPOT ON!

He isn't being insulting at all...he is just trying to illuminate yourself to your subconscious beliefs.

Next...even if you in noway vocalize your insecurities, she can FEEL it. This all stems from YOU my friend. I'm not saying you are not confident or can not PROJECT confidence is the more accurate assessment. What I'm going to say is, you can most definitely delude yourself into confidence when in reality you are suffering from deeper insecurities. It really stems from egoic attachment. You want to OWN your gf, while at the same time giving her SOME freedom. Once you can accept she is free, and so are you, you can start to move on. I find that alot of times in relationships, we expect our significant other to behave in a certain way. Also, this gets combated by HOW we WANT her to act. So you have this internal struggle going on. You don't want her to talk to her ex's n other guys, but you dont wanna be the insecure guy telling her "DONT TALK TO THEM OR WE ARE DONE". You really DONT want her to talk to the guys, but you dont wanna be THAT guy telling her what to do. The 6 month mark is really when the relationship is cool or isnt in my opinion. The novelty has worn off, and you are trying to gauge what position you are at.

GUESS WHAT?!?! YOUR GF IS FREE TO FUCK OTHER GUYS AND IF SHE WANTS TO SHE WILL *GASP* guess what?!?! YOU ARE FREE TO FUCK OTHER GIRLS TOO!! What happens in relationships is people attempt to control the other person by whatever means they have possible. Right now, you desire control over an uncontrollable being (her too). The key is to LOSE the ATTACHMENT. It's Buddhism at its core. Attachment is the cause of all of our suffering. You need to instead of desiring control and making her one of you play things, enjoy the time with her and appreciate it, not desire to control it. When you realize you are in no way in control of her...it can be devastating. When you realize you are in no way in control of her, and that is perfectly fine, you will be in a much more enlightened relationship.

Hope this helps...if you want me to elaborate, I definitely will. GL buddy.