I have a problem with my girlfriend and the time we spend together. She is the type that likes to spend time alone slacking around by herself maybe half the week. This makes me feel like she doesnt enjoy my company because I dont mind coming over and js watching tv while she does whatever she does. We have a reverse schedule with work and she likes to work out two times a day, so this leaves me with a hangout window of 4-9 during the weekday. I work on the weekends and I dont care to see her afterwards so I give her time to have her space.

The problem is that for me is that I want her to WANT to spend more time with me. I dont even know if she really wants to spend time with me or if shes doing it js because I've told her before I wanted someone to be there for me and spend time with me; not js a relationship where we js meet each other up and go out couple days out of the week.

I would think I have given her enough space during the weekend and a day or two out of the weekday. I js hate it when I ask her to hang out and I get turned down. Like we arent even comfortable with asking each other to hang out because she feels obligated sometimes and I dont like that. I rather not hang out with her if its js because she feels obligated.

I am js not sure what to do with this situation. I want her to WANT to hang out rather than js do it because she feels obligated. I want to take the pressure of me wanting to hang out off of her. I have not found a solution to this yet.

Possible reasons why is maybe I am too available but I need someone to confirm that.

I often tell guys not to be so available with their girls or jump at the opportunity to make plans to see them. Remaining slightly out of reach is a great way to build attraction and increase your status.

It sounds like you need to work on building her attraction. A girl who wants to see you finds a way to do so, regardless of her schedule. I would look back at what you may be doing (or not doing) to keep her interested. Her interest level is slipping.

You have to give her a reason to WANT to be around you. Are you boring her, are you making her feel like a little school girl with a crush? How's the sex, is it mind blowing? Ask yourself these questions.

Note: Perhaps she just enjoys being alone, there is nothing wrong with that either.

_________________
Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. - Robert Greene

I do agree i need to build her attraction towards me and be more out of reach. Other than being out of reach is there other ways to do so? Honestly I dont think I am boring her. The sex is great, there is no problem with that. Maybe its a combination of her liking to be alone and me being too available. I guess I am js looking for something that isnt there. I kind of want a girl that is always there for me and be down for everything.

This girl is also awkward when it comes to the topic of asking to hang out. She never says stuff like.."Hey lets go do this, you wanna hang out today?" By her calling me, she assumes I know she wants to hang. When I ask her to hang out I also feel the hesitation sometimes. She also says that she hesitates to pick up the phone on me when she doesnt wanna hang out because she thinks I am calling to hang out. I dont like this whole situation and I havent found another solution to get rid of problem.

I will try to be less available, but that takes away from what I want though. In the end I always thought this girl js wasnt what I was looking for. I am not lookin forward to changing someone to someone I want. I tried to break up with her once before saying she isnt she girl I am looking for, but she told me she wanted to be that girl for me and she didnt let me break up with her.

I've been on the reverse side of this, and the worst thing you can do is spend more time with her. She will feel suffocated, and cut and run. The second worst thing you can do is want to spend time with her. She will see right through it. You will be passive aggressive and your actions will belie your words.

The best thing you can do is give her more space than she requires. Only when she starts to miss you will she really come around. If you don't give her time to miss her, then she's going to fight you at every turn. Missing someone is a very healthy thing, and it helps us realize that person's true value. When they're around all the time, you just can't see these things clearly.

You also have to understand that she may never come around. Perhaps you've already damaged her perception of you, perhaps she'll always need that much time alone. You can't just assume that giving her space will work. She may like her freedom and realize she doesn't want to be with you at all. It's not personal. Some people just aren't compatible.

From my experiences, she never gave me the space and I ended up breaking up with her. She tried really hard to give me what I needed, but I knew I was hurting her by keeping us apart, and I couldn't stand to do it any longer. I did what I thought was best for both of us. I'm not that way with all people, though, she had a mildly clingy side that caused me to require space in the first place. There's nothing wrong with her, we just aren't compatible.

Finally, if you break up with someone, you break up with them. Period. You fell into her trap when you didn't. Now she knows she can string you along virtually endlessly, get what she wants, and not give you what you want. You need to make it perfectly clear that if you don't get what you want, you will find it somewhere else and that's all there is to it. Your needs are just as important as hers, and to you they are actually more important. Don't be a chump.

everyone you guys have made sense. i think i shall start giving her more space than she wants. i think this hsould work. it isnt like she doesnt want to spend time with me, but its only some days where she doesnt want to. and i guess she feels like she is obligated only on those days. i do not think it is too late to turn things around if i keep this up. its a matter of will power from this point on. i thank you guys for your input. any more information would be helpful as well!

Just another thing to consider while you give her more time...as previously posted, all is great, yes, give her more time and don't be soo available...but I would use this time to find yourself, ground yourself and find what you enjoy to do and do it. Don't sit at home and think about what she is doing, you will find yourself calling or texting her and then guess what..."Let's do something"...Fuk that!

Enjoy this time to do what you love...not necessarily gaming other girls, but focusing on you!

_________________
You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.

i was js wondering. i do hang out with my friends when she isnt around though. i go out and do whatever. i am js wondering what happens if she asks me to hang out? should i jump at the opportunity or postpone with her to hang another day. or should i js deny it for that day and not postpone.

If you listen to the previous suggestion, you'll have no trouble making this decision. If you are genuinely busy, the decision is really simple: hang out with her when you have time. She'll understand too. You could just let her know that you started doing X on Y and Z days. If you're doing things like working out, taking a class, or something like that, she should understand. She'll notice that you are raising your own value, and it's possible that she'll actually want to be with her more. Stay firm in your desire to better yourself, though. Once you've told her that you're busy, don't compromise. You'll reduce your value if you do.

makes sense..but what if i am doing an activity she can do with as well? if she wants to do it with me, do i include her? ex. going to the gym, playing tennis, etc.

Do it for yourself first, but sure. Sharing activities like this can create a really strong connection. Make sure you're doing it for yourself though, or she'll see right through it. If you workout because that's what you want to do, and you let her know that you're busy because of this, then she might throw up the idea of doing it together. I don't see any problem with this, but I wouldn't bring up the idea yourself. If you start working out because you think she'll want to do it with you, she'll see right through it. You'll have a hard time seeing it through because you're not doing it for yourself. You'll also do things to try and get her to ask you if you want to do it together, and it will be very transparent.

I think what you should do is stop initiating contact and see what she does. If she likes you, she will come back to you and initiate a meeting/contact. If you stop contacting her and she does not contact you first, you know she wasn't that into you and you can move on. I have recently dealt with this, and it sucks, but it's best that it happens early on so nobody is too invested in the realtionship

@VICTOR...you are putting way too much thought into this relationship...it show flow natural without having to think about what step to take next...if you find that you need to think before you speak or take action, it's probably not a good relationship to be in...obviously, you want more time with her, she wants less time with you...Relationships are about compromise and working together, perhaps she isn't ready for one or you two may just not be compatible...ask yourself, where do you see this relationship going...is this "more time apart" ok with you???

Think about the pro's and con's and as previously stated, do it before you invest too much time in a dead end relationship.

Good luck!

_________________
You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.

I already failed at this what can I do to get her back? I'm pulling the no contact thing with my ex to try and get back with her I havent called txted or tried facebooking her. The problem is we are both in a marching band and see each other almost every day. I don't look her way or talk to her. We also both have similar friends in our social circle. How can I apply no contact with my ex if I see we see each other everyday? I want to make her bealive that I don't need her and I truly feel Tht I don't but I would like to win her back. I've been looking at other options as well. Any comments would be helpful.

Dont focus too much on it, go do something else if she isnt giving you attention when she wants alone time. I wish my gf would piss off when I want alone time lol. So I know how she feels

I think this should not happen in relationship..If someone keeping space in your relation then there might be problem in future..you have to discuss with your girl friend..