Hey guys, i've been going out in an exclusive relationship with this girl for 3 months. I know this doesn't sound like a long time, but I dated her before for a little bit and we both early-on told each other that we had big feelings.

The thing is, i've been noticing lately that she isn't sending me as many "in love" signals as she used to (texting me to say how much i'm missing her after only leaving 3 minutes ago, etc, etc).

I'm pretty succesful at picking-up women, and I usually go for one-night stands, but recently i've thought about giving a shot to the LTR. And this is the first time that I have true feelings for another woman.

I really want this to work, and want to keep her chasing me at all times, and stay interested and in love. I know i'm supposed to be unpredictable, etc, but how can I manage a LTR?
I really have no clue.

It obviously doesn't work like a pick-up and it isn't like all the little game going on before the relationship...

Thanks!

regardless of whatever, dont let your feelings get to you... tell her you love her etc, but dont 'care' for the girl till later..

keep doing all the things that worked at the beginning of the relationship. If you attracted her by remaining aloof, being challenging, charming, funny, etc....keep doing it.

I don't know how often you communicate with her, but cut the amount in half. She has to miss you if you're interested in keeping the relationship 'hot'. Her thoughts have to be consumed with images of you. That won't happen if you're constantly chatting/texting her.

Go out with your friends more, show your INDEPENDENCE. This will make a huge difference in your relationship. She will get extremely turned off if you act like you're sitting around waiting to hear from her.

My 2 cents...

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Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. - Robert Greene

This whole quote is so true. The last two paragraphs are what made my LTR demise, you need to ensure she misses you and that she knows you aren't always waiting around for her. Come across as needy and you'll lose the girl.

Thanks! This is kind of what I thought I should do, just wasn't sure.. We've been seeing each other almost everyday for the past month, even though we both do lots of stuff outside school (I practice soccer at a relatively high-level so I have a bunch of practices), we always manage to see each other.. I'll try cutting that down, but I don't want to come off as uninterested, she knows me and will ask whats going on.

I don't want to come off as uninterested

You do not have to come off as uninterested, but you should give her a hint of 'disinterest'. Make her think....'is he seeing someone else', 'is he loosing interested in me', 'maybe he's bored'. These are the thoughts you want her mind occupied with. If you can get her into this mindset, she will start bending over backwards to get your attention. When she starts putting forth the effort for your attention, THEN you can show her a little 'love'. Send her a charming text out of no where, or paste something she would consider sweet on her Facebook......then, back off again.

This tactic will put YOU in the driver's seat.

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Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. - Robert Greene

Great advice, just what I needed. Thank you!

I agree with Sin. I know it is scary to do the things that he is saying like show disinterest, because you are afraid it will make her angry. I am trying out my first LTR and I am curious about a lot of the same questions you have. What I am wondering and maybe Sin can answer this is, "Is there ever a point in the relationship where you can stop playing the mind games of interest/disinterest or do you need to continue this well into the LTR? Personal experience? I would love to hear. Thanks

I've been dating this girl for a few months and we recently just made it "official". But right after that she said she had something to tell me, said something was bugging her and she wanted to put all her cards on the table. Said that when we first started dating she slept with two guys, and just about a month ago she met with her ex who she was with for two years. I appreciate the honesty, and maybe she really did just want to come clean before we got serious. Either way it was a huge blow to my ego and it wasn't something I had hoped or expected to hear.

One of the guys she slept with was a random, the other one she had been talking to for a few months before she met me. It really bothers me knowing about this but I can't be to pissed because I was just getting to know her at that point. But when she met with her ex we were both starting to get attached to each other which makes it a bit more fucked up. She said he kissed her but she did not reciprocate. That night I remember her texting me telling me that she missed me when I was out at the bar. Two days later she came over and I slept with her. It seems like maybe she wanted to see her ex one last time to compare him to me so she could decide whether she wanted to leave him behind and commit more to me.

So after she came clean about that stuff she asked if I still wanted to her to be my girlfriend. I explained that I wasn't thrilled to be hearing this stuff, but I couldn't really be mad about the two guys she slept with because we were just getting to know each other at that point, but I said that going to see her ex was kinda fucked up even though she turned his advances down and even told me she misses me after she left his company. I also explained that the girl I was talking to before her has been trying to get me to come see her but I never accepted her invitations. Ultimately I said I still wanted her to be my girlfriend but made it clear I wouldn't tolerate any of that shit at this point in our relationship.

In any case she's kind of in the driver's seat of this relationship, but not by a whole lot. She lives a little over an hour away and goes to law school full time so we only see each other once a week or every other week which makes her naturally hard to get. We text just about every day, and talk on the phone 2-3 times a week. I usually keep pretty good control of the tempo when I'm talking to her and when I'm with her, but I can easily slip up and giver her complete control when she pushes my buttons, which I think she purposely does. She has a bitchy side, but I always sleep with her when she comes over. Still it seems like I'm more into her than she is into me. I want to turn the tables. I want to make her want me really bad. What is the best way of doing this? If more info is needed I'll provide it.

Tell her that you should both see other people as given the events that have unfolded it just seems way too early and way too rushed to be in an exclusive relationship. Explain that you are crazy about her, but given the fact that as a simple matter of weeks ago that she slept with two other guys, visited with her ex, was kissed by him, you just can't feel confident that either of you are ready for "exclusivity", "but hey, babe, it ain't nothing personal."

Tell her you want to see other women, give her permission and encourage her to do the same with other men, and go fuck ten other women. GFTOW.

This is the answer. Like it or not.

She said she no longer talks to either of the guys she slept with and is disgusted by her ex. She tends to be pretty honest so I do believe her. So without going backwards in our relationship I was thinking I could be less responsive to her texts, act like I'm going out more, especially with other women, even if I have to lie about it, and be generally less available. She knows there are other women pursuing me and if I act like those other women might have a chance with me it could make her pursue me more. Do you think this would suffice?

Also it seems like she wants to be with someone who wants her for more than just sex which is why she's with me and not with those other guys.

So, you want to sit at home and pretend to go out to make her jealous?

and you want to...

Sit at home and pretend to be interested in, possibly seeing, and being chased by women?

again, to make her jealous...

Why not walk the walk, instead of playing the role?

Instead of "pretending" to go out, actually get a life. Go to the gym, join martial arts, actually take up a solo hobby.

Instead of "pretending" to have other options, actually have other options, see other women, date, live your life.

You don't want to "go backwards", but lying and pretending and manipulating in your mind ISN'T going backwards?

I would say the more healthy approach is for you to admit that you aren't terribly confident with the current state of affairs (hence, you being here, asking for advice on how to keep her interested - which is just code word for "not fuck other guys", let's be honest).

Now, you might read what I just wrote and think "hey, what a dickhead", but I assure you, it isn't intended like that. It's just PUA is about walking the walk, not talking the talk. Be alpha, don't pretend to be alpha! I tried that, it doesn't work.

The more you sit at home, freezing her out, while pretending to live your life, the more AFC and insane you will become.

Not every chick is a wife.

I appreciate the advice and I don't take any offense from it. But let me be clear, she is into me, just not as much as I'm into her. I just want her to be REALLY into me. I already do go out and I still flirt and talk to other women, but I too easily end up working my life around hers.

Then all the usual stuff.

- only text twice for every three times she texts you
- only see her twice a week, at most
- only talk to her three times a week, at most
- make yourself unavailable, and make sure she knows you will be around other women and cool/fun things
- throw her off, be unpredictable, make unpredictable plans, do/say unpredictable things
- push/pull her in a teasing and subtle way, to keep her guessing of your intentions, to make her gina continue tingling just from being in your presence
- neg her occasionally
- continue to court her, or she will find someone who does

i appreciate the fact that you at least genuinely know what you want. too many guys come in here asking "make her love me! when it is clear that the chick doesn't". sounds like you've at least got your head on right.

Yeah I don't get her to sleep with me by being an AFC, ha! Thanks though, it's always good to get advice from someone who understands PUA. I'm definitely going to apply it. I'll let you know how things progress too.