I have been dating this girl about a month...give or take, we were friends hanging out since august. I mentoined a girl "crushing on me" s while back on here..and havent been back since cause I went for her.

This girl is everything I want in life...you have no idea how good the connection is. I could go on and on...but heres my problem. She now misses her ex. at the same time she wants me. we are very open and discuss EVERYTHING. the communication/bond/chemistry is amazing! So talking about thins make it better.

She moved in with me 2 weeks ago. one night she got sad and i asked what was wrong. I finallly got her to spill the words "...I miss him....." and she was sad til bed an hour later, then woke up saying it was just a bad phase/moment and its ok. See...she dumped him for me. the initial cruah pulled her away from him and to me, and now that I DO like/love her, its like the roles are reversed and Im the one totally into her instead....while she is having these backfires from missing her ex.

I know I know.....90% of you will say to ditch this girl..she aint worth getting hurt over...etc. I cant!!!!! I am in love....call me a wussy, but I cant NOT have her. My question here is HOW do I get her to choose me over her ex this time? she is only 19...young and obviously confused and cant tell what she really wants. One min she talks about marrying me...doing stuff around the house come spring..etc, then she will have a sad spurt and i can tell shes thinking about going back to him again...then its fine again the next day. Ive been thru a divorce...I understand the initial pain of break-ups...its natural...so masybe i rueshed it...but so did she. I dont expect her to NOT miss her ex of 4 years (hs sweeties)

what do I do to make this girl fall back into me like it was when she firsl wanted me? Please help!! I dont care how stupid I am being...Id rather deal with the conciquesnces later on......just please help me!
Thanks guys

Relax you are not stupid calm yourself that insecurity she will see right through it and this will play for your disadvantage. So first thing you should do is tell her that you like her but this cant go on, you guys need space so she can figure it out what is the best for her, not the best for you, I would tell her that I wouldnt be with someone that has doubts. And I would go my happy little life waiting for her to return, which it will happen probably if not she is not the right girl.

She is missing her Ex its easy she needs to start missing is you not the other. so do the non contact thing.

thanks. Like I said, we are very open, everything is talked about. in random convo last night after she was looking out the window while Im driving, she uttered "what would u do if i did go back to him.....? what if i didnt come back..?" she didnt say it to be mean...it was just a goofy comment she made...but it hurt me

we dated for a week last month...right after she broke it off with him, then broke it off with me (remained friends like we always were from the start) so she could go back to him and test the waters. not even 5 days later she broke it off with him and said she wanted me. its like the same thing all over again...only this time she doesnt wanna hurt him again IF she does go back. But it doesnt help that she lives with me AND we work together. maybe the fact that we are never really apart unless work scheduls differ is making her feel "used to me" now and "missing what she had"?

I know for a fact she would start chasing me again within days...even tho she says she would leave/hurt him again.....?

I might add

instead of pouring my heart out in a talk....I should just play the "it was fun, but you need to do what u need to do.." thing? will that work better than being myself expressing my love?

Even tho she says she wouldnt leave her ex again and hurt him, you still think its possible after a few days/week, id be getting texts and stuff from her saying "umm...can we talk...?" regretting it?

Have more respect for yourself, you can't let this girl use you like this, screw that, right now she is in control, I say tell her straight up, look either you go back to him, or you stop bringing this crap up and stay with me, and if she does it again kick her out, I mean clearly she's hurting you man,and toying with your emotions, and you don't deserve it, after you've opened up your house to this woman

First it wasnt a goofy comment she wanted to hit you ,that was a shit test to see how far your limits go and guess what you failed, she is playing both of us. If she really like you tell her " Choose for good i will give you a couple of days dont contact me until you have answer, Im sick and tired of this. Believe she will go on and on with that shit. She loves having that power of you and her ex or current

Pff good luck... That's not as bad as it seems,i don't think 90% of the girls would tell their bf that.It's good she's sincere She's chose you if she wants to,don't try to convince her lol.I understand you don't wanna split up but at least try to keep a balance,don't be very AFC now. It's never gonna be like the beginning don't worry
So act normal with her,like before.Don't panic and be more needy through ass kissing or arrogant bitch behavior.
You can't/don't have to ignore the problem.Just accept you have nothing to do with it,no matter what decision she makes.

Hey, i feel your pain as i am recently out a relationship that finished. I dont think you should come across as needy to her. Make sure if you are not with her you always seem busy and when you are with her try and make things as fun as possible. hopefully it works out C

Did you pick this girl up as a rebound off her previous boyfriend?

If so, yuck. In my experience, one phone call or text from an ex can make someone's whole world go spinning... and if they are rebounding, that usually means they are not in a position to be whole and complete by themselves. It is very hard to maintain a relationship with someone who needs external validation.

I had a girl play this one on me once. "I don't know what I want... I need time... I don't want to hurt him..." etc. etc. But I was the ex! I just said, "Look, I want you around, but it is clear that you have something to sort out. I can't help you with that. So let me know when you're ready to continue." Then I WALKED away. Hence "WalQer"

You can't do the above because she is living with you? Bull. Tell her to go stay at a friend's place until she has this sorted out. You don't have to be an "option."

PS -- once you are no longer the source of a roof you'll see how valuable you are to her.

If you can't look at these three selections from your post and immediately understand what the problem is, there is very little we can do to help you.

Your boy,
870

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This is your problem right here.

I hate to say it but there is alot of good advice being thrown out on here...

Most if not all of us have been here before and we are trying to help you...

Honestly...I have been in your shoes...well, kinda...but I would get the advice I needed and do the complete opposite and then think to myself...WTF did I just do. Was I in love...yes, very much to the point we talked about marriage but I did the "I'll do what it takes to show you my love"...once you hit that...it's over.

She has you, you have no balls in a sense and will do whatever she wishes with you and that's not what you want unless you want to be a doormat and while you aren't around...she is going to bang that alphamale in your bed!

F'K that...I snapped out of it. Was she pissed that I did...hell yes.

Ok...back to you.

No matter what we say...you are going to do what you want to do...bottom line.

Ask yourself this...

Are you happy with the current situation you are in?
Are you willing to stay with her with how all this is unfolding in front of you?
Do you want her to walk all over you?

Don't anwser the above here, ask yourself this and be honest.

If you are willing to do whatever it takes...then heed what advice you are given here because it is good advice...or seriously...don't ask...and I don't mean that to be disrespectful...but honestly...there is only so much we can do to help....it's up to you to decide what will make you happy and if staying with her makes you happy, then so be it...no one will judge you. Good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for.

Oh...and if this is a rebound...honestly...you have no chance...she is confused and you need to let her sort out what she wants, pressuring her will only make it worse for you...why??? Because she will tell you what you want to hear to keep you around and while you think it's you that is on her mind...guess what is really going through her mind....(you know the anwser to this) and if you want a real mind F*k...well, I'll keep my comments to myself here...it won't help the matter but if you want to know...PM me! Most of you here, im sure you know what I am thinking.