Broke up with my gf 11 days ago because i couldn't trust her and basically she was getting ready to break up with me. First few days were miserable but then really things started to get better. now 11 days into no contact and things are getting worse. I am really missing her a whole lot and want to call but i know thats not the best thing to do. I thought it was supposed to get better with time?

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~Carmo~

Time, yes. 11 days is hardly much time at all... you're just now realizing she's gone.

Out of curiosity, why couldn't you trust her? Are you sure it wasn't your own insecurity?

yea i am pretty sure. Long story short, she was on a dating website saying she was single and giving out her# before we split.

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~Carmo~

Fair enough, then you just need to give it some time. More than a couple weeks, actually. If you were together long and fairly close you may even need a few months.

Just for perspective: It took me two months to get near-ok after my last breakup, then sleeping with a fuckbuddy for a month, then I still missed her until I started falling for someone else.



And I still miss her once in a while.

Only dated a few months but liked this one more than anybody ive dated in a few years. Got blind sided by the whole thing so i didn't want it to end but didn't really have a choice. Been doing well at the no contact thing but if a girl is "looking" for other guys before we even broke up i would say she wont be calling any time soon.

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~Carmo~

its not the ticking of the clock that heals the pain but rather the things you do or fail to do during that time that will make the difference.

first, lets look at the science:

'missing her'/feeling miserable happens because your love hormone oxytoxin levels have dropped cos you are not getting regular physical contact your body has got used to - brain scans of people in love look just like brain scans of people snorting crack cocaine. Your happiness serotonin levels are probably a bit low too.

I promise that what we call 'love' is only the romanticising of these hormones and their effect on the hormone receptors in your brain. The reason humans have developed these receptors is to make us at least partially 'monogamous' as an evolutionary way of best benefitting the human race by making men stay with their mates and family units/tribes to help raise offspring, bond with their babies and to work together to ward off enemies.

find ways (loads of stuff online about this) to increase both of these hormones in other ways and you will feel better - any sort of exercise is especially great, helps you sleep, relieves stress and makes you look even more gorgeous too so much more likely to find fit new gf!!!

also proper psychological studies into this whole thing scientifically prove that you are likely to predict right now that this pain will be worse that it actually turns out to be over the next few weeks (so keep your resolve, be strong dont give in and contact her in the meantime), and also you will feel significantly better and the pain will last less time the more you believe that you forming a new relationship soon is likely.

action: giving yourself a new focus and raison d'etre is really important, make significant efforts to distract yourself, make a conscious effort to replace everything about her and the things you did that were related to her in any way with some other things, set new goals that are just about you and what you want to do and the time will pass so much more quickly and then before you know it, you wont catch yourself thinking about her hardly ever.

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James: "Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say."
Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life"?
James: No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

It will get better dude. My ex is pissed at me SPAM because i deleted her off my facebook. But who gives a fuck right. Stalker material right there, you dont know you have been deleted until you search for someone.

Anyway....i am ranting. If you can't see a future with her hold off the contact for as long as YOU want. Don't feel pressured into contacting her. Dont fall for that "why dont you talk to me anymore" Bullshit!

You do whatever you need to do to get over it. If you need to get things off your chest, just post up. Thats what were here for

I've been there recently. First girl I've met in ages that I really thought was great, she seemed perfect for me (I know, pedestal). We went out for a few months but she broke up with me out of the blue, and within a week of that happening I got laid off from my job (it was a crappy job anyway ).

I was in a pretty dark place after this but this is how I turned it around:

Firstly I accepted the emotions I was gonna feel. I felt down, angry at myself and her, wanted to get her back, everything. I did this for about 2 days until I levelled. But made sure I didn't contact her once. It would make it hurt more and make look needy.

Then rather than sitting around moping I got in touch with my mates and had a good time and a laugh. I talked it over with them but they're there for me and will always make me feel better, because they know I will do the same for them.

Now that I had free time for myself again I reconnected with my passions (that aren't pickup), reminded myself of how awesome I am. For me this is music and food. I''ve been creating so many tunes, played gigs, and my culinary skills are getting ridiculous. My female friends have been giving me marriage proposals These are your passions and they are personal and make you who you are, noone can take this from you.

Exercise, as mentioned, is key here. I would wake up in the morning and think of her so I used these emotions to hit the gym hard. I'm now in good shape and have cultivated the habit so I'm continuing to look and feel better. I feel working out the emotions earlier in the day (and releasing endorphins) help me feel better about the situation. Plus working on yourself makes you a better version of yourself, she's had an inferior version of you

I got into meditation as well. It helps you keep your mind in focus. It also gave my mind a break from feeling upset everytime the thoughts of her would creep in.

I didn't get straight back into the game when she broke up with me because I knew the breakup had hit my self esteem and I'd be thinking of her while in set. But now I'm back in, I'm reaping the benefits.

Also read these, multiple times if you must:
http://therealsavoy.blogspot.com/2009/0 ... trice.html
http://www.seductiontuition.com/carlos- ... irlfriend/
http://uk.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_1 ... dvice.html

I know I've focussed on how I've sorted myself out but hopefully you can take a few things from this. Everyone feels the same in these situations, and from what I've seen, these actions get you back on track quickly.

Don't just sit there waiting for time to pass, it's a valuable commodity, spend it while you have an emotional drive.

I hope this helps.[/url]

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the good advice! Ariana, I’ve studied evo psych/biology quite a bit this last year so I understand for the most part about how what we are feeling are pretty much just the work of chemical reactions or lack thereof. For me though, just understanding what is happening doesn’t necessarily make me feel better. I guess not-resistance as practiced in eastern philosophy might be a good step.

I’ve come up with a bunch of stuff that I want to work on for me and put the plan to action. I’ve joined a gym and started working out again. I’ve also started running in the evening after work along the bay at sunset which is super beautiful and really relaxes me. I like it so much that I started training for a half marathon coming up in Feb. I have been pretty out of shape cardio wise so this is a good goal for me. I also signed up as a volunteer this weekend, who knows I guess doing nice things for others does a lot to make you feel better. Maybe this is the wrong intentions behind it but you have to start somewhere. I noticed that I feel the worst(break up wise) in the morning at work when I am stuck behind a computer when all the endorphins of the previous nights workout have faded. klausmasterk I think I am going to take your advice and start going to the gym in the mornings so I get the feel good chemicals flowing at the start of the day. I’m not much of a morning person and already hate having to get up at 6:30 every morning but what’s another hour earlier if it sets you up for a great day? Thanks!

So last night I broke down and text her. I just mentioned about our favorite bar going out of business. We text back and forth a few pleasant words about the bar and that was that. I don’t know why but I feel a ton better about it now. When we broke up there was no long talk or anything we just ended it and that was that. This feels a little bit like the closure I needed to move on and this morning I feel pretty darn good. Who knows if it will keep up but it’s a good start.

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~Carmo~

Change her name on your phone to something really negative about her eg "Immature Girl", "Needy Girl" or something similar. This will help you feel better about the situation as well as you really have to avoid the contact! You might feel better in short term about contacting her but in the long term it doesnt do you any good at all

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I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. ~Winston Churchill

Ive been broken up with my ex for almost 2 months now but we slept together 2 days before halloween. If you have a chance to sleep with her, at the time it might seem like a good idea, dont! It made my moving on go back a month so now im all thinking about her and being all masochistic. Wellll actually, I did enjoy the sex it was actually worth it I guess haha just remember the consequences.

Hang in there!

thanks aswell to every one who has posted something here it has made me realise a thing or two so thanks again and i like the bit about changing her name on your phone to something stupid

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If you live in western australia and you would like to go sarging send me a private message.

Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since the breakup and things are getting better. I still think of her a lot but its not as intense. I haven't contacted her at all since that first time which is good i guess. Only thing was that last Friday night i ran into her out at the bar. I just gave a quick handshake and kept walking but that was enough to kill my mood for the rest of the night.

I really want to go out and start meeting new girls but when i have tried i found that my game is in the toilet and i am lacking my mojo. Hopefully it will come back soon. Thanks for the advice everyone.

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~Carmo~

11 months ago I got dumped by my ex. It took 5 weeks for her to contact me, trying to get me back with some bullshit story about material things I had from her (we had a relationship for almost 3 years).
Then I got dumped again a week after, took 3 months for her to contact me after the second break-up. I told her I didn't wanted her back after the second break-up.
Took her until last week that she contacted me with again some bullshit story about "I want you to show that I can be a realy good friend".

(around the 6th month she contacted me again, with a master bullshit story about me being her spiritual master and all, which I refused to hear of course. I told her to shut-up cuz I have a heart.)

We dated 2 days ago, not sure what she wants though.
Hurts like crazy, even though I'm picking up women like crazy lately.


ps. I had a rebound 2 months ago for 6-8 weeks. Also she had 2 rebounds, single now for almost 2 months.


So 4 months time is realy nothing, it might seem like ages, but it isn't.
Just wait and see, for some relationships it might even take one year.
A friend of mine had a gf for also 2.5/3 years, she cheated on him, and tried to contact him after 1.5 year. Same story.