[b]Fiancee:[/b]
23, HB9/10?, just started dental school a good 2hr plane flight distance away. We've been together about 14mos, got engaged in Europe over summer.

[b]Situation: [/b]
I'm 30y.o. in SC, she's in RI. Both in grad school. I move to NY next year for work where we'll be much closer, but still apart for another 3 yrs while she's in school. We love each other, express it daily, talk every day, webcam, etc.

[b]Problem:[/b]
She's stressed out and wants to break things off. Wants to face-to-face it at T-giving.
Her listed Reasons:
1) She's too young, hasn't dated enough, rushed into engagement (which she pressured me on), none of her new friends have BF/Fiancees geographically distant
2) Just isn't happy doing Long Distance. Her last 2 LTRs were LD too.
3) Wants to hang out with her new guy friends without feeling guilty.

[b]Why I think she's freaking out:[/b]
1) Stress due to New city, new school, new friends
2) She misses me but has plenty of guys who area available; doesn't seem fair to her
3) She's way over-loaded with school and struggling to tread water, feels bad she can't give me/our relationship the attention it deserves

[b]Decision Point[/b]
We're meeting at T-giving. She wants to talk. She sees no solution though I'm happy with things as they are bc we're both super-busy anyway with school and I visit every 3 weeks. I'm concerned she's already moved on mentally although we still exchange "I love you". Don't think she's interested in finding a solution. Don't think she has found someone else, just wants freedom/options or perhaps to control one thing in her life right now.

Last night I finally told her some of my insecurities, which DLVed to her I think, especially when there are med/dental guys all over (some I've met) who are new and exciting for her. Some are PUA-ish. They don't intimidate me - I'm a 2-time Iraq vet Army officer and used to play the field pretty well.
But they're nearby and I'm not.

[b]Between now and T-giving should I:[/b]
1) Suggest we go on a Communication black-out for next two weeks so we can focus on what's important to each other (and for me to show her I can do without hearing from her, have her see what's it like to not get constant support from me)
2) Continue to reinforce how much I love her, risking possibly seeming needier
3) Bring some of her friends in to have them counsel her (she won't talk with anyone, whereas I've kicked this around with a few buddies who agree she's just stressed)
4) Do something else to DHV or otherwise help her relax/see positive end?

I'll reiterate that we're engaged, not just dating, so it's a little more difficult to take a time-out or otherwise maneuver in this scenario. I think if we can last til Spring it'll be okay, but she may try to bring it to boiling point by T-giving.

I've never been a big fan of the military but I am a huge fan of military men. Discipline, organization, code . . . all good stuff. I think you've already answered your own question through your organized thoughts but here's my input:
Marriage is a contract that usually only works well through proximity. 3 years away is tough. And NOT KNOWING where the two of you will be after the 3 year period is the toughest part of this engagement. I have friends who took offers in Alaska because it was the best professional route for them. You guys are already in different locations because this was the best professional routes for you. If you were thinking relationship first, you'd be together now.
If this is first on her list, she is either already dating somebody or has somebody in mind. Especially so because: "2) Just isn't happy doing Long Distance. Her last 2 LTRs were LD too," is her next stated reason.
Which means she's already feeling guilty.
There's a reason why those emergency cards in airplanes instruct to put on your oxygen mask prior to helping others. You can't help anybody else if you're distressed. She's stressed and she's lonely. What do you expect? Her change of feelings isn't about you or the relationship, it's about her emotional survival.
She's already made up her mind and you know it. You're wishing this wasn't the case but you also know that her new mentality doesn't mean she doesn't 'love' you. Relationships aren't ALL about love. Logistics play a role. Of course if you loved each other THAT MUCH, you'd have created a better situation for yourselves...
No need to belittle the other guys or play the tough guy role. She loves you because she recognizes your qualities.
No. A blackout, regardless of how you justify it, shows you're pissed. It's not as if you fought. . . no matter which direction this relationship takes, I'd say the better route for you HEART is to continue some form of communication.
She already knows this. Does saying, "I love you" 10 times mean more than saying it twice?
Another sign that something is probably already going on . . .
What is the positive end? What is the positive present? She's stressed and you're far away. Can you guarantee that for those three years, YOU won't meet somebody nearby? Can you guarantee that after those three years, you'll be together? Can you guarantee that she won't be stressed out for the next three years? (Obviously, this, you cannot do.)
You probably mean that if you can make it last til' Spring, it'll be OK for YOU. She's already told you that it's NOT OK for her.

@Kasabi -
Thanks for the in-depth analysis. I think your points are all pretty spot on.

1) I think she might have someone in mind though one can't be certain. She's told me that she and another guy have both admitted mutual attraction but realized they can't act on it. Not sure what to do with that information so I told that it's natural to be attracted to other people and that being in a mature relationship means admitting it but not acting on it.

2) When she finishes school she can move around with me and work as a contract dentist, which she isn't thrilled about, but it wouldn't be forever. I could certainly get deployed again of course.

3) Agreed - logistics are key, and I've already resigned myself to the knowledge that being career military will require some separation, though finding good women to willingly sign on for that is another matter.

I won't make my reply any longer, but I do agree with the rest of what you wrote. Bottomline may be that I'm at a place in life where I'm ready to settle and though she may have thought she was there, she may not actually be there at all. - Thanks again

She's only fishing for your reaction. She's already fucked him. Not sure what that means to you but for me . . . it's only sex. What do you expect? The way she is communicating to you only tells me that she respects and cares for your feelings. . . this is a tough situation. I bet that you can probably sense something is going on but you still show a lot of respect with the way you communicate with her.
So . . . you're asking her to decide between a life derailing her professional career + uncertain future + losing her 'youth' and graduate school experience VS. enjoying her life to the fullest and a certain(to her) professional path? Does this right to you?
I'm not sure if 'good' or 'bad' is the correct barometer here. Some are cut our for it, some are not.
This is only your definition of "settle". What you are ready for is a WOMAN TO SETTLE a life with you. This means letting go of her life 100% and tagging along with you where ever they may send you and/or being home alone for an uncertain time whenever they send you away . . . and remain there for when you return.

She may not be the one . . . I feel for you man . . .

Kasabi -
Thanks for your input again, it is much appreciated. Indeed there are many drawbacks to marrying a military man.
I don't think her relations with any other guy have gone that far, but I respect your obvious experience here, and agree that there's certainly potential for trust to be lost here.

Thanks again -