hi guys, cheers in advance for your input.. dont want to bore you too much with the story.. but basically..
im 26, she is 22...
you could say i am alpha.. work in nightclubs... used to be with alot of girls before her.
She was attracted to my lifestyle and my image...
A year has gone by and i concentrate more on work, still put on parties ect, but I cant do it as much as I did, Im sort of over it all... but she is def not...

She has only been with 2 other guys as me... is HOT as hell.. awesome chick.. could trust her whole heartedly...
i worked hard to "game" her as she is classy and wouldnt give in easily i guess.
been with her for about a year now..
maybe the last 6 months... sex has dropped off.. some due to medical problems on her behalf... but its sort of cleared up and things are still dry.. ive brought it out..
but its an issue on my part definaltey.. but nothing changes...

I get jealous very easily althought i have no reason to worry... but maybe 50% of the times we go out and i get drunk i course a fight when she has done nothing.
...its something I have over the last few days realise.. I HAVE TO CHANGE... even if im not with her... it unacceptable...

We have always spend like 5 out of 7 days together at least.... And its not just on my part... she always wants me over.... and i have neglected my friends ect becuase of it... But i actually like just chilling with her, so i dont feel i am missing out on antyhing... Its bad I know, and realise I have to change this...

The last few months... cracks have appeared tho... we fight over little things all the time..
we prob dont get along as much as we did either... she prob doesnt find me as funny as she did... like she takes offence to things i saw et..

The final straw in our relastioship was This last weekend.. over maybe 3 nights, I have upset her... and she has cried over things....

It was the final straw i guess.. and she said she needs space to think.
Because she said she is sad all the time.. and hasnt felt like this since she broke up with her last bf...
I havent been able to talk to her... but the things i have gotten out of her over emails at work is that she is sad... about the relatiosbship in general..
feels smothered..

Now i know why... first of all, i spend every night pretty much at her house... but the thing is she begs me to go over.. if i dont, she gets upset, or sort of makes me feel that way anywa.. Like even last week... every day... she emails me asking to come over, cos she wants to bake me stuff, or she wants to shop with me..

This is a good thing, cos if she didnt want to spend time with me, i wouldnt be bothering..
So i no how to fix that... time apart...

but that is the reason why she is feeling smothered.. cos i am in her personal space, her bedroom, have been welcomed by her family.. even tho she encourages it... i guess it gets too much...

So.... I havent seen her since sunday night... i started talking to her over email about why.. ect... she just says she doesnt no and feels sad and needs some time to think about why..
I have been putting in all the suggesting pretty uch and she gives me back nothing in return...
I also maybe started too soon, yesterday, i gave her a guessing game, and if she got the right answer, she would win the "prize of a dinner of her choice anywhere, and movie tickets" corny and maybe stupid.. but it was going well...
she was emailing back happy good stuff..
then she suddenly said... I just feel sad and i dont no why..

I think i know how to fix this..... give each other space...
and not be a such a jealous fuk when we are out... and course fights..

but my question is what should i do from now... She asked me today to go to her grandmas house for dinner tomorrow night...
I replied back....
Sorry but I have plans tomorrw night already..
She said... ah, ok. Its all good, i will still go because i think she is sad.

I then said a few hours later...
I would love to see you and your grandma, but I already have plans because I thought I should give you and me some space...

I got no reply..
Which doesnt mean too much...

But what should I do from here on in.... Do i leave her alone for a couple of days...

Do i surprise her at her grandmas and pop in, and then say i have go.. so its kept short and sweet and keep things fun.. but at least she knows I care...
I dont want her to lose interest or realise we are better apart.

Like I know the theory of freeze out to course attraction.. But i feel like I have done the wrong thing... So if I freeze out too much, she may think I dont actually care...

another this is she said to me..


"and just when I talk about traveling and stuff. It really scares me when u start asking 21 questions and get angry or upset, its so intense.
When I was with my ex he used to say to me all the time, once I finish my apprenticeship im getting out of #city# or just that he wanted to go here or here. And it was fine, I never said AM I COMING WITH U? like if it happens that way it happens but just that I feel I cant even talk about it in general. Its too much for me when u get that way and that definitely adds to me being smothered. I know im in a relationship but in the end u need to do wat makes u happy or ur going to hate and hold it against the person ur with. "

like yeah i get a lil upset, and yes its very AFC... and i no i have to change it..
just hard when u have strong feelings for someone.

But she is 22... she wants to travel... its enevitalbe that it is probably going to be the end of us, if not now, due to this fact... she wants to travel middle of next year.. probably me overanalysing this fact tho
so yeah...
ive lived overseas ect, so dont have a burning desire to travel... but i would prob go with her if we both agreed it would be best...

I told her after this email, that i am fine with it, and i realise that she will travel, and if its meant to be its meant to be.... i went in with that whole mind set,,
and she said,

that she feels less freaked out now...

So it must be a big concern for her..... maybe im thinking too much into it... but she wouldnt be freaking out so much if she actually wanted to do things with me...
because I have said I will accept whatever happens...
its giving her a YES pass for when it happens and she can say... you said it was ok..

to also get the drift of some of the other emails she has sent me, cos she cant really say things on the phone is..

never know wat to say in emails and texts that’s y I don’t reply
want to work things out with u still, but I cant pin point things SPAM I need more time to think.
I feel really unhappy in general and I feel a bit smothered and that’s not ur fault, and im not talking smothered as in, omg get off me ur hugging me too tight, like just overall.
Its so hard to explain, im really confused though and im on the verge of tears all the time L
I know we need to talk but I just dread it coz I feel like im being attacked, and its not coz I cant take criticism, its just always full on and I feel over whelmed and cant say wat I need to.



Unhappy in our relationship and just consequently in everyday-ness

I feel so sad I don’t know wats wrong with me


I don’t know wat it is.
I just have this really sad feeling in my gut that I haven’t had for a long time…


I know u don’t know wats wrong with me but I don’t know wats wrong with myself!
im sorry if ur starting to think im a nutjob crazy bit ch but im just being honest about how im feeling so I don’t pretend its all ok and then break down on u in a few weeks

after she told me she was sad... and i wrote her the long email telling her i am sorry and that we can fix things... she replied with

Wat u said is all right. We’ll try, if its not meant to be its not meant to be, it sounds so harsh but the way im feeling now, I just couldn’t keep feeling this way and trying to be together.
So we will try.
And hopefully it works.

Sorry I cant write nething longer, normally im so good at long emails but urs r so long my fingers don’t even want to try and compete.

she also posted randomly on a picture on facebook, about 15mins before i sent her the apology email..

on an old picture of her and my best mate hugging while out..

he posted a few weeks ago...

"Leave him, we look like such a good couple, do it do it"

obviously just a joke, although i prob wouldnt trust him if we did break up to make a cheeky move knowing what hes done in the past ...

but she "happens" to find the picture and say

hahah i just saw this. we dont dont we? ill see what i can do

obviously a shit test.... either to see if i react... or to send me a mesage, i dunno,
i just put a comment say...
haha cheers

to show it didnt get to me...

i know she is doing it deliveratley... but it pisses me off because it was intentional...

This is not good at all.... but i think i know the reasons why like i said...

IS THIS FIXABLE...

or should i accept that we are both on different pages at our point in life...

I was never this AFC before, I have prob always been over analysing thigs, but only for people i care about....

sorry i forgot to add..

I miss her and love her so much...

I know I have messed up and the fact that she says she has been sad for a while upsets me..

Cos i never knew... and the fact that she even last week got me over EVERY night...
even when I said one night I needed to go... but she wanted to shop with me cos she was upset... so I wanted to cheer her up..

She is upset cos we fight over stuff.... = spend too much time together

and im a drunk dick and course fights when out..

so fair enough she is upset..

She has said she wants to work things out...

So i dont no what to do and its doing my head in..

Can i message her and give her kisses so she knows I care...
Cos i really want too... but dont want to over do things..

Is it important to keep the attraction up = freezing out.

Or because she is sad.... do i need to gently show her that I will make her happy and that I care..

But yesterday after you told me she was sad ect, and said on the phone that she wasnt sure if we stayed together and was scrared that we would just keep trying and trying...
I unloaded and sent her a long long email telling her why i thikn she is sad, and how i actually want to change things such as the jealousy... and that we can work if we just spend the off night apart..

My mates have told me this is bad... and that i should leave her alone for a bit..

But i cant help but think that i need to at least show her I am here and care and become "nice" again, because to her, she doesnt like the arrogant, or too much alpha male... but prefers to know that I am there for her..
but would that just drive her further away..
first of all i think i should go to her grandmas tomorrow, breifly.. be good, be funny, and then leave for my "friends house"

its probably going to be quite clear to others reading that there are questions i need answered...

can i ask them without sounding too intense... but i think i need to know and have the right to know

eg. do you want different things?

do you feel smothered from having a bf in regards to travelingl? not having a boyfriend?

do you want to be single?

are you sad because of the way i sometimes make you feel?

are you sad because we fight all the time and u dont feel like we are friends?

do you just feel we are on different pages right now?



Sorry that is long post but please if anyone has actually read all this... I THANK YOU

and i would really appreciate any help from anyone.. I know I have fucked up, and I know I shouldnt be letting this get to me.. but i have feelings, so its not as easy...
BLAH SUCH A GIRL
any advice on any of the things I have mentioned will be much much much appreciated... thanks for you time guys, but i really need your expect "guy" advice on what to do, or if u think i should just cut the losses now... cos i admit, even just writing this, it doesnt sound too good.

work on your inner game, seem abit insecure too!

But what i would do is just lay back abit give her space etc n let her come back in her own time, obviously make clear its not a "break" n u are still together.

Dont email her as much etc and be urself with her when u do have contact (urself without the crazy stuff).

So when u didnt speak for abit she wants u to come to her grandmas ? Kinda proves she will miss you when u stay away n break contact a little.

DO NOT ASK THOSE QUESTIONS AND DO NOT SPEAK TO HER TOO MUCH, AND DONT SEND KISSES ETC N LOVE MESSAGES COS IT WILL BE TOO INTENSE.

Thats all i got, thanks for making my last few minutes in work go faster though :p

oh man, that sounds like a horrible situation

yeah basically you need to cool off a bit, you can't try to logically convince her to stay with you or anything like that, just distance yourself. Stop emailing and give her chance to miss you.

There's alot of red flags there, I'd also reccomend firing up your social life and spending more time with friends, especially girls.

ok, an update..
been a rough week and alot of soul searching...
i have realised that I need to get my own life back... regardless of if i am with her or not... its important to keep your own life, in case anything else fails in a relationship, u need to have your friends ect...

so i went to her grandmas.. i said that i could only pop in cos i was goign to a "party"

sounded like i was getting on with life, but did the right thing..

It was really casual cos her brother who is a good lad was there... so i just chatted with him and her grandma... didnt really talk to her tho as she wasnt really giving me much..

had small bit of contact..

its friday night and i asked if she wanted to do antyhing on the weekend and chill out.

she said maybe sunday.. but we have a party tomorrow night that we will be at and she said it depends how big it is and doesnt wanna committ.

i spoke to her on the phone.. jus made general chit chat..

then before i went she said....
"tomorrow night... i dont want to talk abut things and have u sit me down, i just want to have fun with my friends... ect ect"

I go to her...
"Ok, i havent put any pressure on u to tell me your feelings, and i wont... but you have to realise that I have had realisations about myself, and an ephoney... that i need to change certain things about myself..
Not just for you... but for myself, cos if we werent together anymore, i cant be doin the same thing.
I said that i feel like i am at peace with myself and what i have to do in my life now... ie hang out with my friends more... not be jealous and insecure.. and that we both need our own seperate life..
I cant it cool and made it sound like I am very much in control of my feelings... and i kept sort of dropping in that fact that If we arent together I will be ok with that.. "

To be honest.. I actually am feeling like this.... This last week having some space has made me realise that I dont need her as much... obvioulsy im still a bit painful in my chest ect... but I have been hanging with my mates all week, and bilding up that side of my life..

I said after that... do you have antyhing to say..

she goes " no not really"

and i played cool, and said... look thats fine.. im not gonna pressure you into anything..
I know what I need to do so Im not gonna tell you what you need to do"


The thing I have probably realised... is that all you can really control is yourself..

My head might be up in the clouds..

But by realising all this... I am probably not so worried about what happens with me and her...

If I can make myself the best possible person... then that is all i can do...

and other girls will come should this fail..

If she isnt willing to communicate with me.... which has always been a problem for her to open up with her feelings ect... then yeah whatever..

but im not gonna be waiting around forever...

I honestly feel that I have sort of moved on already... things could easily change tho if she decides to give me some nicer attention than I am getting now..

But yeah, I will keep you updated..

But I really do feel like snapping and telling her to fuck off when she frustrates me...

But ill try and keep my cool and be civil

But I thanks for your advice guys, and for other threads on this forum for helping me through this and helping me see the light.

In the mean time I am going to start brusing up on my PUA skills once again... as I havent had to use them in a year... I am rusty..

So If we fail...I am ready... and it will also serve as a good purpose to keep her attracted if we do stay together..

wow i felt I was being smothered just by reading it! but im glad that you saw the light...im somewhat in the same situation but without all the crazy, no offense, but you knew even before you wrote the first post that you needed space but you let your feelings and your insecurities get the best of youor your inner AFC...and it only accomplished to push her away more...keep doing what your doing now..build your life...build your social life...and things will fall into place...as for this girl i dont know if she will come back for you but your best shot is to give her ample space and hope that you havent messed things up too bad...Good luck bro and stay strong!

Very similar situation...