GF attempting to change me



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PostPosted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 10:54 pm 
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I'm posting this because I feel my gf is trying to "change" my style; I typically dress in a smart casual style (jeans/ trendy shirts) and I like it, I feel that it suits me. though she is trying to get me to go for more of a "sporty" look, with tracksuits and whatnot, basically what I wear to the gym. Obviously I'm not going to change as I'd rather be single and be myself than some lame conformist who is dressed by their gf (it doesn't help that I can't stand the "sporty" look, it lacks class IMO).

I have a couple of questions: What's the best way to respond to these suggestions/requests without being too negative?

and secondly: Why do people feel the need to change somebody once they've been with them for a while?


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 11:58 am 
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well ..... she doesn't accept you for who you are, or she have seen some models/ brad pitt wearing these clothes - social conditioning.
i wouldn't give a fuck .. i would say i don't give a shit and i wear what i want to wear. i didn't say fuck you or screw you so im not really negative ?

they want to change people because they don't respond to their reality, they just don't accept certain facts thus not fully accepting you. often they think they will improve your style but that's a lame excuse to cover up their ego.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 5:44 pm 
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Well I'm not a close minded guy, and my girlfriend loves me for that. So when there is a suggestion for clothes etc I will try it out. Not because I want to please her. But becuase that's me. If I don't like it, then no biggie, I tried it and made a judgemetn based on that. But that's me and I'm not saying you should do what works for me.

In your case you already know you won't like it, you know, that's what you wear to the gym. Tell her that you associate this clothing style to the gym and want to keep it that way that you feel you look best in jeans/shirt look that you have and that because you fell that way you will look better.

As for why people would like to change people. I would feel that you pride yourself in being yourself. That's all fine and dandy but remenber that you define who you are no matter what. If you want to be closeminded about change, be that way and embrace it. If you want to be an easy going, non-confrontational guy, open minded guy, it might not be the way. Do not kid yourself into thinking that accepting a suggestion or a change proposed by someone else is weak and push-over like. It's not. People in relationships want to grow together. And that does imply some degree of change that you both orient together. That doesn't mean growing in a direction that only you or her chooses but a direction that is best for both. I woudn't interpret it as malicious necessarly. If she suggest something and you say 'no'. Then imposing it on you would be malicious. If you say 'no' for egoistical reasons that could also be viewed as malicious. There is a huge zone inbetween those 2 extremes which you can find common ground for.

Cheers!

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 12:32 am 
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I say you could look at this two ways.

She is turned on by that type of look so why not do it to turn her on?

If your really cool and confident with yourself then adding to your wardrobe because your GF wants you to doesn't make you a supplicating wuss if you aren't one.

Think about it like this. You tell your girlfriend she looks really good in miniskirts, she doesn't usually wear them. After you tell her she says no I do what I want, bla bla.

I get that its different coming from a woman but like this could just be something to turn her on so I don't see everything as some personal attack or shit test.

Then again, you don't want to just do whatever she says if you are really against it, this situation could go either way, I don't know her or you. I would just say if you have a chance to add to your seduction then do it. If you think shes trying to shit test you then follow the other advice. Just consider this other angle too.


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