Okay so here's the deal. My girlfriend of 3 or so months recently ended things with me sighting a lack of a romantic connection with me. This despite telling me that she loved me...and loved "us." In her breakup speech she gave me the kiss of death by telling me that she now just "loves me...as a friend." Needless to say I was crushed as I had really fallen hard for her, to go along with a deeply bruised ego.

In trying to get to the root of why she dumped me I thought about the timeline of the relationship and the events that transpired leading up to the eventual dumping. We first met by happenstance when I saw her at her work. I mustered up the courage, as she is quite stunning, and asked her out. We hit it off immediately and quickly fell into a relationship. Despite our comfort and rapport she wanted to take in slow in the bedroom. We would get pretty intense but just no sex. It was killing me. She would make it a point to let me know that sex was a really big step for her and that I needed to respect that.

Now...I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that was just her anti-slut defenses kicking in and you know what? you're probably right! Nevertheless I respected her wishes and it wasn't until a full month into going out with her that we finally had sex. At this point I knew we were behind the 8 ball so to speak. When you hold sex on this pedestal it can become awkward once you finally get around to it. So anyways she was going through some personal stress in her life (she moved out of her old place and had to live with her Mom for a month) and we ended up not having that dynamic sexual vibe that I knew was so very crucial despite how well we got along when talking and doing couple type things.

Which leads me to the breakup. I myself had been out of town for the past 2 weeks on work leave and was dying to see her when I got back. Needless to say very horny too. I envisioned seeing her and ripping her clothes off and having wild sex through the night. That did not happen. Not even close. We fooled around a bit at her place and she would then say she was tired and had to be up early in the morning - definite signs that something was up. This trend continued for the next 3-4 nights until I had had enough and called her on her shit. "You're always tired and not in the mood!" I screamed at her. She looked at me like she had something to get off of her chest. Then we had the 'talk.' She essentially told me that while she is attracted to me and loves my companionship that she just hasn't felt romantic with me. She was crying and clearly was having a hard time with it but her feelings were clear nonetheless. She loves me...as a friend. Probably the worst thing a guy would ever want to hear. I sort of nodded in shock and left her place. This was over this past Sat night and we haven't spoken since after having talked to to each other every day for the past 2 months.

So she ended it. She wasn't feeling it. I obviously let her get away with her "sex can wait / I'm tired" routine for far too long...until she probably saw me as a pushover. The thing is I know I'm an attractive guy and I have plenty of experience in bed with other women AND I really pushed for sex very early in the relationship but took a step back when she said she wanted to wait. Her waiting then turned into conveniently being too tired or not in the mood. Obviously all bad signs. So I can blame her or I can look inwardly. I choose the latter but I need help. I know what you're thinking...this guy wants to win her back but it's too late because he can't change her mind. But what if I could change her mind. I was in love with this girl and she said she loved me but somehow I missed the boat when it came to sex. I don't want that to be the end of the book between me/and her. I want to write another chapter. The chapter where I show her that she's missing out.

I think I should hold off on calling or contacting her. We either saw or talked to each other practically everyday and I want to build a sense of longing in her. What do you guys think? More importantly, where did I go wrong? I want to learn from my mistakes. I wanted to her show her that I wasn't just a typical guy after sex in the begining...and that turned a relationship hole. I can't look at myself in the mirror now. I'm the dreaded friend; able to fill all of her emotional needs but fails to make her engine rev. This is killing me. Talk about an emasculating end to a relationship. I need help. Thoughts?

-C

Problem numbero uno right there bub
You werent confident with the relationship from the start...

While i try to limit how much advice i personally give, i do search around for
people who have dealt with ALOT more than i have's experience

Heres afew good reads:

my-issues-my-exs-issues-vt63074.html?hi ... end+dumped

if-your-girlfriend-likes-someone-else-v ... end+dumped

she-loves-me-but-sometimes-vt62283.html ... end+dumped

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Thanks man those links were helpful. I don't know what to do really...my friends are telling me that I did all I could and to just cut my losses and move on. But there is this part of me that is really pissed/humiliated that I could be such a great BF but come up so short (no pun intended) when it came to our sex life. I really want to show her what she's walking away from. Maybe waiting to have sex in the beginning (her wishes), while showing I wasn't just looking for a one and done, inevitably slowed down her sex drive to the point where all she really wanted me for was a cuddle buddy and sounding board for her. It's painful to realize that she saw me as a friend towards the end. Who wants that shit?! We all want to be the guy that women go wild for.

I know it's not manly to admit but my heart really is broken. I've debated whether to send her a huge long e-mail about how I feel or to meet with her in person. If I never see her again I don't see the shame in baring all. She said she wants to remain friends but how can I be her friend and watch her inevitably fall for some other dude who ends up fucking her 24/7. The very thought of it makes me sick. So what this little voice inside of me keeps saying is show her that you're fine with the breakup, even agree with it, and then win her back and show her that you can satisfy all her needs. But again my friends say to swallow my pride and move on. It'd be hard to have her from being a constant presence in my life to being removed completely...but what's gnawing at me more is the fact that I think she WOULD fall for me completely if I could show her how (for the lack of a classier term) I would be a great lay.

I'm rambling...but please I would love more ideas on the matter.