my relationships been going pretty great for the past six months (thanks to some of the advice on this forum), but there's one thing i need advice about

if you are in a relationship, what are your rules (if any) for your girlfriend hanging out with other guys? my girlfriend seems to have a lot of guy friends--now that's not a problem, i know shes hot and guys probably hit on her all the time when im not around--deep down i know, most of these guys are just losers who really have no chance

so when she tells me that shes hanging out with a guy friend, i normally just play it cool, don't really ask any questions, and try not to let it bother me

but to be honest sometimes it does bother me a little. i have the recurring thoughts that do i really want a girlfriend who goes out with another guy by themselves?

now i know getting angry at her or telling her not to do it will just backfire, so im not going to do that, and to be perfectly honest, i want her to have friends (guys and girls), but what i really want from you guys is to tell me, (if you have a healthy relationship):

1) do you establish rules for these kinds of things?

2) what are your rules specifically?

3) do you or should you ask specific details about all of her guy friends?

4) how do you handle this kind of thing?

thanks in advance..

get a lady freind a tag along with her as a third wheel?

First of all, getting a bit worried and angry when your girl sees/talks to a guy friend is healthy. You would obviously not want her to see other guys too often and let them hit on her. But thats a world we sadly do not live in. Girls get along with other guys just as much as they get along with you, and plenty of guys do not respect the 'taken' status of females

Secondly, relationships are based on trust and communication. Think about a healthy relationship without these two things.

1) Establishing a set of rules and guidelines in situations such as these will make her feel confined and untrustworthy.

2) 1

3) For me, these things usually come up in casual conversation. Anything interesting i'd like to know which she hadnt already said, i'll ask out of interest, showing her im not worried of her guy mates. Eg , if i wanted to know if they had feeling for her or hooked up with them, ill ask if theyre good mates, when they met etc, then the answer will usually flow into the conversation
But again, asking her straight out will display insecurity. If ur curious, just flow into the answer in conversation

4) Trust a girl who is trustworthy, and let her know trust is an important attribute to you.
If she asks you for your permission to hang out with a guy mate, you should be a happy man. If not, you have the right to ask her about the guy and what they are going to do and why she wants to hang with him. Dont ask this in an overprotective way. I usually ask in a curious way then be overprotective in a joking way, saying like 'is he a good guy, i swear he better take care of you'. Theres always a little truth in jokes, she will nearly always see the truth behind it
Still you will feel worried and such, but dont let her see it. When she talks to you after shes hangs out with her guy mate, dont ask her about it. Just talk normally. She will most probably wait for you to ask her about it. Dont ask and she will be happily surprised

This is just my point of view on the situation
Hope this helps you mate, take it into consideration

Build trust with your girl, let her see it, and she will respect you for it.

Hobbit..i was hoping you would answer because you really know what you're talking about..thanks, and I actually agree with you 100%, believe me im NOT the jealous type and ive NEVER made a big deal out of this kind of thing with my girlfriend EVER, but i mean, there has to be a limit.. if your girlfriend gives another guy a bj your not going to say..oh its an "issue i need to work on" or "its in "my mind"



in your own relationship, whats the limit where you would finally confront your girlfriend about something if she did any of these things: she goes shopping with another guy, some guy leaves her a provocative note on her facebook wall and she responds positively to it, she meets some other guy she tells you she likes, she tells you some guy she just met has been calling her a lot, she tells you she called some guy that she just met, she goes on a date with another guy, she kisses another guy, etc..




..and if she reaches your limit (whatever that is), what are you going to do about it: ask her to explain herself, ask her who the guy is, tell her not do it again, get angry, break up with her, etc



lastly, did you in your relationship establish rules about this (ie, if dating another person is your limit, did you establish at the beginning of the relationship that she wont date other guys if you don't date other girls)
when i got together with my girlfriend i never sat down and talked about it, i just assumed that we both should already know



I appreciate any answers, but hobbit sounds like you really got a healthy trusting relationship, so id be interested to see your perspective on this..thanks again

really appreciate it man...thats really solid advice