**WARNING: LONG READ**

I met this girl 5 months ago and we hit it off from the start. Perfect relationship, we got along amazingly and had the same goofy sense of humor. We did crazy stuff together and were ridiculously in love.

There's an age difference, she's 20 and I'm 26. Every once in a while we would argue over something ridiculous and I knew it was because of the maturity difference. It would always be a big deal to her and not really that big of a deal to me.

When I met her, I was at the top of my game. Very confident, studying Pick-up and very much an alpha male. None of the usual tricks worked on her, but we kicked it off immediately due to our personalities.

We dated for 4 months, the last month of our relationship we started arguing more. She started telling me about this guy that she met in her French class and how cool he was. Now I was never, ever jealous - she has all guy friends and I never felt threatened. She even told me once that it worried her that I never get jealous. Now this guy comes along and she keeps bragging about him and it starts to worry me.

One day we get in this arguement, and she asks me if I ever think about breaking up. I said, yea I did once but we talked it out and I felt much better. That night she goes to a birthday party for her best friend and that guy was there. I had plans with my family, so I didn't go. The next day, I didn't hear from her til 5pm - which was really unusual as we usually keep in contact throughout the day. She claimed that her phone battery had died and forgot to put it on the charger when she got home. However this started my suspicions.

2 days after the party she calls me at work and says we need to talk. She's having doubts about our relationship and wants to take a little while off. This was right before Thanksgiving. So we take a few days off, she spends time with her family and I spend time with mine. The day after Thanksgiving she calls me and tells me how much she misses me, so I drive 3.5 hours out to her parents house to see her. We got along perfectly, no fighting and had a lot of fun together.

So the last night I'm at her parents house, we go to the movies and on the way back pull over to "mess around". After she gets done blowing me, its 1am and she gets a call from "the other guy". I asked her what that was all about and why's he calling at 1am. She says he just got off work and just wanted to show her his work uniform and bring her a cupcake. WTF?! So I blow it off and pretend like it doesn't bother me.

2 days later, I was at work and it was really bothering me. I called her afterwards and said look, I need you to do this for me because its really bothering me. I don't want you to talk to Travis for a while, at least until we're back on track. This upset her and made her angry. So I go over to her house that night to talk about it and she says she thought about it and she's ok with it. So we're ok right? So I'm laying on her bed while she's finishing her homework and she very casually says "you're so clingy and demanding". And so I asked her... "why am I demanding?" She says because I don't want her hanging out with Travis. I said well it makes me uncomfortable and this is the only thing I've ever asked you to do for me, I don't think it's that big of a deal. I don't want you to hold some kind of resentment towards me over it. Well it turned into a huge argument and we went to bed mad at each other. She swore to me she had no romantic feelings for the guy and they were just friends.

The next day when I got to work, I sent her a long email detailing my frustrations with the situation and how I wished she'd just be mature about it and respect my wishes. She sends me an email back saying that we were having problems before this Travis situation and that our relationship is deteriorating because of our arguing. Now, let me just say here: we argued seldomly and it was never that bad... it just got worse when he came into the picture.

She decides she wants to "break up but not see other people". I told her that I didn't think that would be a good idea, we should talk out our problems and work on our communication. We have a long conversation on the phone and she's crying and tells me that its just not going to work between us and she just needs to be single for a while so she can focus on school.

This is where my ridiculous AFC behavior begins. I end up calling her and crying and begging her to work it out with me and not break up. She comforts me and yadda yadda but doesn't budge. The next day she calls me and tells me that a presentation in one of her classes reminded her of me and she just wanted to let me know she was thinking of me.

2 days later I delete her from my Facebook friends because I can't stop looking at her profile obsessively to see if she's changed her Relationship Status. That night at midnight I get a call from her, she's pissed off and says "If you don't want me in your life, then I don't want you in my life". I tried to explain why I did it and again started the waterworks and tried to get her back. No luck.

A few days later, I get a text from her: "My grandma just invited you to Christmas at her house. I haven't told my family about us. I feel so sick and empty." I take this as a sign of her being sad and missing me. I decide to meet her at work and bring her an early Christmas present (this poetry book that she really wanted). She asks me if I want to go somewhere and talk and I agree. She opens the present and starts crying. We get to the mall and start talking.. she's very hot and cold. One moment she's telling me that she's been Facebook stalking me and the next she tells me that I'm not her boyfriend anymore and what she's been up to is none of my business. She leaves, I start crying and try to talk to her, nothing. I call her about an hour later we talk for about 10 minutes and she says she doesn't love me anymore. I ask her if its because there's someone else, she says no. Then she calls me again about an hour later. I explained that I was a great boyfriend to her and that I knew her better than anyone and we had a great relationship and I didn't feel like we should end it. She cries, tells me I was the best boyfriend she ever had and we end the conversation on good terms.

The next day I send her a text message saying that I'd like her to add me back as a Facebook friend because I'd like to stalk her too. She agrees and adds a smiley face. My status on facebook was: "I'm not going to give up on this". I drive an hour out to my parents house and when I get there I check facebook, she had deleted me from her friends and sent me an email saying "I knew this was a mistake, I'm sorry". I asked her why and she tells me that my status is "creepy". So I delete the status and tell her. She responds. "Just. Leave. Me. Alone. PLEASE"

So I don't talk to her for a few days. I go to the psychiatrist and get put on Klonopin for my anxiety. One night I decide I'm going to drink a beer before bed. Even though the psychiatrist warned me not to drink alcohol while I'm taking the medication, I decide its not that big of a deal and it'll just make me sleepy. Instead, I decide to call her. She asked why I called, I said "I dunno, I just wanted to talk". She says she's watching a movie with a friend. I asked if I could talk to her after the movie and she says no. So I start freaking out, thinking its the other guy. I decide to drive to her place because I want to confront the asshole. She's not home, it's 2 am. I drive by the next morning, she's still not home. I send her a long email basically saying I knew she left me for Travis and that she broke my heart. She responds "dont ever talk to me again".

I'm super depressed, I took more Klonopin than I should have and start contemplating suicide. I text her and tell her that I'm sorry I couldn't work it out with her and I felt worthless and I was going to take all of my pills. This is my rock bottom. I've tried everything and I seriously felt hopeless. I've regretted this day ever since and I really wish I wouldn't have done it but at the time, I really hated myself because I felt like I had screwed the whole thing up. She calls me, tells me that I'm stupid and crazy and that I need to tell my parents how many pills I've taken and hangs up.

I don't talk to her again for about a week. I decide to write a long 6 page letter basically agreeing with the break up and that I should have trusted her and I made a big deal out of nothing and that I'd like to be friends and keep in contact. I'm on my way to mail it and I get a call from my sister (who hooked us up and who works with her). She says that my ex had gone to lunch with another guy today. So I decide to hand-deliver the letter. I go to her house and I told her I wanted her to read the letter before I say anything. She does and then throws it on her dresser and says "whatever, I'm over it." Then I ask her about the other guy. I said, "I thought you just wanted to break up because you wanted to be single for a while". She gets angry with me and makes me leave. She gives me back the $350 necklace I bought for her... and I asked why. She says "Well do you want me to sell it? I think you need the money a little more than I do." (While I was there, I noticed my pillow was still on her bed, as well as my toothbrush was still in her bathroom -- 3 weeks after our break up). I call her after I leave and I ask her "I just want to know why we broke up... was it because you wanted more space or because you were leaving me for another guy??" She gets pissed off and tells me that I never listen to her and she broke up with me because we were arguing too much. Later in the conversation she lays this on me: "When I met Travis, I knew I could do better than you. He's more respectful and cultured than you!" I call her a cold hearted, backstabbing bitch and that she had fucked up men issues. She says she hates me and never wants to talk to me again. To defend myself here -- I was always highly respectful to her, chivalrous, and I'm about as cultured as they come. I've been to 9 countries and lived in Europe for 4 years.

The next day I take the $160 leather jacket she had just bought for me and threw it on her porch and told her "Left that ugly ass jacket that I hated wearing on your porch... maybe you can take it back for store credit. Merry Christmas!" I was so fucking angry with her for lying to me about the break up.

We have no contact for a week. I start feeling bad about the mean things I said to her. I try to call her Christmas morning to apologize and wish her a Merry Christmas. My number is blocked. So I call from my grandparents home number and leave her a message saying very simply, "I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and apologize for the mean things I said to you. I really miss you right now and I hope to hear from you."

So this is where we leave off. I haven't talked to her in almost 2 weeks. She left me for another guy and I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I've been incredibly depressed. I have no appetite. I've lost nearly 15 lbs in 4 weeks from not eating. Yesterday I went to GNC and picked up some weight gainer and some pills to supplement my lack of nutrition.

Now before you guys respond: she's a bitch and just move on. Please understand, we had an amazing relationship and got a long perfectly until the last 2 weeks. We were supposed to move in together this month, I was looking at engagement rings. And even 2 days before we broke up she was talking about our hypothetical children. I love this girl more than anything in the world and I think she still has feelings for me somewhere under that stubborn exterior.

My plan from here is to start working out, gain my weight back, start back in school full time, and not contact her at all.

Do I have any chance at all at getting this girl back? If so, how should I go about it. Obviously she needs time and I need to focus on bettering myself right now. But I do love her and I've got no interest in other women at the moment. I trust the opinions of the guys on this forum more than my friends and family and really need some guidance from you fellas.

Let me also add, I know how I SHOULD have acted. I should have agreed with the break up from the beginning and never showed signs of weakness. And showed her that I was fine without her. But I let my emotions get the best of me and I have to live with my mistakes. So how can I fix this fucked up situation now?

Man, even though I am much more younger than you and definatly not as experinced as you so i dont think I can give you advice - I just wanna tell you you've been really brave so far and so sincere, I really don't think you did anything wrong according to what you have posted. Keep strong man, dont let her get you down - you said it yoursefl you hit rock bottom, theres no place to go but up from now on. I wish you the best of luck man. Sorry I can not be of any assistance.

Thanks a lot, Angelz. I really appreciate that.

Man, that was a heavy fucking read, I can understand how terrible you feel.

About the weight-loss, it's normal if you're stressing, but the weight gainers probably wont help that much until you get over it (more), for me it just slowed my weight loss down when I was stressing over my girlfriend.

We all know how we 'should' act, but it's sometimes hard to actually do that, you just did what you felt at that moment and it's no use being mad/disappointed in yourself that you should have acted different in the past. Just see it as a lesson learned

My thoughts on this: I don't think you will be getting her back.

This other guy she's seeing now, he's most likely just there because she needs a gap filled in her life, the gap that you left. She will spit him out after a while too when she sees he doesn't fill it.

There's nothing you can do to make her want you back, and she probably won't forgive you for the things you said or did.

You have to fix yourself, and the only way to do that is to pick up your life again, get some distraction, maybe do some things you've always wanted to do.

What I did when I broke up with my ex girlfriend, was just socialize like mad, the last 3 weeks (it's only been 3 weeks since we broke up) I've been going out 4/5 nights a week, getting to know more people (especially women), and just having a lot of fun with my friends. I've scored a lot of numbers and kisses and had dates with 4 different girls (layed 2 of them) and sure, they dont feel as right as my ex girlfriend, but it's REALLY good for your ego when other girls tell you that you are amazing and that they fell for you so quickly. Be honest about your intentions though, don't pretend to like them as much as they like you if you don't actually do. You say you don't have interest in other women right now and that is understandable, but trust me when I say that they will make you feel better about YOURSELF, and that is most important.

Forget the possibility that you two might end up together again, because it is out of your hands now. Give up on your hopes that she might want to see you again, you will only torture yourself with those thoughts.
This is a good plan, and I wish you the best of luck with it. Stay strong bro.

Chillburg.

Sorry to hear that bro, its never fun.

As others have said though, it's going to be tough(read almost impossible) to game her back into your life.
IMO, what you need to do is focus on yourself for awhile. Put some distance between anything related to her(friends/music/movies etc), and start moving on.
I would honestly start gaming as fast as possible after this, because
A.) it will be an ego boost for you
B.) it will show her that you're over her and are in demand

Also, you said GNC(do you like working out?), if so put some extra time into working out for the next few months, get back in amazing shape and boost up your esteem.

I know those are the tried and true methods, but seriously they work for getting over bad break ups.

And the #1 point to take from ALL of this:
DO NOT contact her again. Delete her from FB, Myspace(or whatever), AND your phone.
If she wants to get in contact with you, she'll have to do it on her own terms, and even then I would STRONGLY caution you against it.

I only had to ready the first half to understand that you shouldnt be with this chick...cut your losses shes not the kind of women you want to be with bro. It can be hard to hear but drop her fast! move on your young and you should learn from your mistakes.

If my gf ever told me she was hanging out with another guy or he made her cupcakes or w.e I would tell her its over....that crossing a line! My gf knows better then to be hangin around with other guys especialy ones who want to bang her! two of my gf's ex's txt her saying that they miss her ect ect...she showed me the txt's and she deleted them from her phone and facebook and I didnt even have to ask her to she just did it cuz she loves me.

That how it should be bro...if its not then you shouldnt be with a girl.

I also think you are going about this in a very healthy way! good for you! work out, go get your self some whey protein and eat healthy, get in great shape! take up a hobby and get back out there pickin up chicks!

Chances are she will see this and come crying back to you...dont take her back tell her to hit the road lol

Thank you all for the detailed responses and encouragement. I was honestly worried you would all tell me I acted like a psycho and drove her away. Which I probably did in a way.

Arcteryx: No, I've never been one for working out, but I know I've got to get my frustration out somehow and that's the only way I can think of. I've been doing pushups/situps daily and I'm going to start a workout routine today. I'm really hoping it will increase my appetite at the very least.

Dark one: You're right, I should never have had to have those suspicions. She should have respected my wishes and never even put me in the position to be suspicious.

Chillburg: Honestly man, that's sad to hear that I probably won't get her back. I really do care for the girl immensely, but I suppose it's just a fact that I have to accept. As far as socializing, man I'm trying hard to. But I'll be honest with you, my confidence is fucking shot. But you're right, I've got to do it. Hell, I have trouble socializing with my co-workers right now and I love these guys.

Again, thank you all for the feedback and not judging me. I was just very in love with the girl and acted out of instinct and emotion instead of with my brain.

Case in point bro, take some alone time(a week or two), start exercising like crazy(get those emotions out/ego up), and then hit the scene(because even if you fail, you'll never be as low as you were after this breakup)
My point being, don't be hurt if you don't score any numbers, just remember things could be worse and keep trying!

Now lets be hypothetical for a moment. Say at some point, when I'm back in control of my life and feeling more confident and don't NEED her and wanted to actually give the impossible a shot... where would I start?

She lives nearly an hour away and the only way I would see her is if I visited my sister at work. (by the way, she was supposed to be the maid of honor at my sister's wedding this fall... however my sister is LIVID about the break up and isn't talking to her)

Hobbit told you a great piece of advice. However, since it's going to take time for your inner self to start seeing things "that way", there is only one thing we can say: move on.

The 2 of you may be each other significant others again, but not now. There is always a comeback for everything, but the 2 of you need time.

There is one thing you want, which is to be with her, and there is one thing you need, which is not to be with her.

Stand up for yourself, choose you, choose to move on.
You gotta fix yourself first, and the longer you have the hope of being with her again, the longer you'll take to "get fixed".


Btw, there are no such things as defeats, only postponed victories.

I would honestly wait 3-6 months before I would even think about doing anything like that...but if I was in your shoes, I would try and make it seem casual, like bump into her where she works/hangs out. I wouldn't try and force things by calling her up/going to her house etc.
Show her some social cred(that you've changed/maybe bring along a hot girl where the two of you will be seen/etc), basically something that will remind her WHY you are important.

That's actually a great idea. And yea I would wait a while before I attempted it. If I ran out tomorrow and tried it, it would only make the situation worse and make myself more disappointed. I'm 100% focused on me right now.

But that's a great piece of advice. Thanks man.

@Carnavorr

Sorry to read that man. It sucks. I have been in more or less the same situation two years ago. What you need to do has already been explained to you by other guys who have posted. You are the only one who can fix this. I would suggest you do the same as the other guys already said. Take the first 2-3 months to fix yourself a little bit: regain weight, work out a lot, work on inner game and spend time with friends. After 2-3 months get in the game again like a mad man. Right away cut all contact with this girl. Even if she would want to come back to you begging to take her back, don't! At least not now! You have to regain control of yourself first. Now you are weak and vulnerable and you would make an very easy prey for many women (especially her).
You really have to take care of yourself first and don't let anybody disturb you in this. Again, cut all contact with her even if she would try to recontact you one her part. Don't let this happen because it will not help you, on the contrary! Certainly do not believe that you can be friends with her. No! If, by any chance, you would walk into her in any way, stay calm and polite. She doesn't matter any more; you don't need to put her down, no need for this. Instead, you have full control of yourself. After 2-3 months you go gaming. Don't settle with the first one you walk into. Game for a few months first: you need to get on a higher level with game again. If your game is on level, you will feel "untouchable", which feels very good indeed! If you do this, in 6-9 months from now you will feel better than ever!! This girl will be of no sexual/romantic significance for you any more: at most you will see her as somebody much weaker than you. Chances are she will carefully start approaching you! You probably won't be interested. At least, this is what happened to me.

Start working on yourself right away. Good luck!