On Monday, my girlfriend and I of 1 year broke up shortly after I returned from thanks giving break. I was trying really hard to get over when she sent me a message via facebook telling her she loved me and she just needed "room to breathe". Basically we broke up because I turned into a total wussy. In the last two months of our relationship I lost two jobs because they wen't bankrupt losing a total of 3,500 dollars in owed wages, I sold my t.v, playstation, shotgun, skis, boots, and a lot of other things. I was bumming really hard and became really clingy and dependent on her where before I had been the rock in the relationship. She was really stressed about school, and I was so clingy she didn't have time for her friends. That's why we broke up with a hope for a future. On Thursday her best friend told me she had been spending alot of time with another guy, woudln't tell me who, mentioned to me that she wasn't being honest, and that I needed to hear this type of thing from her. I made this biggest mistake, I went against the book and completely lost my composure. to save some time basically I freaked out called her 30times, threatened to hurt this guy if she didn't come clean. dragged her friends into the mess and made myself look like a total idiot. Needless to say she was furious. She wasn't cheating, just turning towards a male for understanding,. I tired to explain that I was emotionally unstable and led to believe this by her friend, but she was so furious she blocked my facebook account, calls, untagged herself in all of our pictures, and sent me an email that said: this is it, my business is mine and yours is yours what you need to do is move on.

Bam. I fucked up. We have something very special together and I know she will forgive me and we can have a future together if I play this right. I was thinking that around Christmas after about three weeks of separation and no contact I would send her an email describing everything and telling her I wanted to grow and be in a stronger relationship with her.

any advice? If you want to help me, please, I really screwed up I can show you the email we can discuss this, will anybody please tell me what I need to do. This girl and I have something very special, and I need your help to keep it that way.

I wanted to add that if anyone can help me just get over it, that would be great too, because this might be beyond repair. It hurts so bad, I need help please.

Hey man, I just want to let you know that you're gonna get a lot of veiws on this thread.. but probably not a lot of replies, don't take this as a knife to the heart from the PUA community.. (i've read a few posts with 50+ veiws and no replies.. the writer was pretty downhearted by the lack of response)

Me personally, i'm totally lost for words here, i really don't know what to say.. i'm probably in the same boat as a lot of other users here by saying this..

I hope someone will be able to help..

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"They were right when they said "just be yourself" they just never told you what "self" to be.." - Gunwitch

I was hoping somebody would say this.

.... Unfortunately, I don't have anything to say either.

But I'm gonna bump this thread in hope that you will get a decent reply soon.

Stay strong mate.

Does she know you lost your jobs and had to sell a lot of stuff?



Phoenix - "Women want sex as much as men, they're just generally less forward about it."

Wow, this seems pretty similar to my situation. DON'T tell her that your broke.

First, you need to apologize but not in a wussy kind of way. Apologize in a calm and relax way. Agree with the breakup unless your already passed this point which I think you are. If you are, than write her a short handwritten letter saying something like: "Hey, sorry for going crazy on you after you broke up with me. You were right, that was the best thing for us to do." You don't want to overdue it but you could add something more to it like: "I thought about breaking up for a while anyways." I don't know if I would add that in there though.

Second, Do not contact her at all for at least a little while. If she calls, don't answer it the first time. Wait for a second call. Answer it but don't stay on too long. Say something like: "Its great that you want to talk but I'm busy. Maybe we can talk later." Say it in a friendly tone. DON'T tell her why your busy or when you will contact her. This will make her crazy which is good because you will be on her mind more often.

Third, try to focus on yourself. Work out, get a tan, reduce acne, etc...

Fourth, hang out with friends, have fun! Do things that gets your mind off of her. You could play a sport. Most sports don't give you time to think which is good cause you will hardly think about her.

Fifth, If you and your ex haven't planned a meeting since a month or 2 after the breakup then call them up and plan the meeting. When you guys do meet, just act normal. Don't get too excited or anything. After meeting them wait about a week or 2 to meet them again. After meeting them a second time, wait about a couple of days to meet them a third time. Now, if you guys have been getting along and your ex hasn't asked you out by now then you should ask them out. Most likely, the reason why they haven't asked you out is because they either think your going to say no and/or because they are shy and nervous. If they have asked you out, then of course say yes.

This has always worked for me (except on my last ex but that was because I ended up getting clingy again and I didn't wait long enough.) On my other exs I got them back cause I timed it right. Timing is easy if you don't think about your ex too much. With one of my exs we kept breaking up and I kept getting her back because of this and I finally got tired of her and I ended it myself. The reason we kept on breaking up was cause I kept getting too clingy but after every breakup I would just do like I said above.

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Shit doesn't just happen. It happens because you make it happen.

Hey mate, i heavily recommend what Hayatori said, do your best to follow all those tips and it'll be your best chance of sorting yourself out.

Just wanted to add a little, i've been in a similar situation, we all get too wound up and lose it with a girl at some point, constant phone calls etc, it's makes you seem crazy but it's completely normal, we all go through it, and your not alone in that at all. Love really does make you do crazy things.

The advice is much easier to read than it is to actually do. Not contacting her will be VERY hard, and i mean very. You'll most probably think about her for months, there will be a lot of times that you will want to just give in and ring her and tell her how much you love her because you get all emotionally overwhelmed but you really must not do this, it's very important you stay strong and don't ruin your chances. It can seem like a good idea when you've hit rock bottom and just need to speak to her but trust me, it won't help in the long run. You can fix this situation, wether that means getting her back or not, you can get yourself back on track but you need to stay strong!

We're all rooting for you mate, keep busy, get out and enjoy time with your mates, focus on yourself and the other things will follow.

Keep us updated on the situation, many of us have been through similar fazes, it happens to all of us and for me personally it helped a lot to have people to talk to about it that knew where you were coming from.

Best of luck! Stay strong, i hope every works out.

Hey flottmana, some great recommendations from Hayatori and Jsolo. Let me reassure you there are plenty of us out there that have been in a similar situation. 6 months ago I had a exceptionally identical experience with my now ex-girlfriend. I did not lose my job, but my finances went down the drain when I was arrested for a DUI with my $15,000 car loan. I'm part-time employed and a college student with limited income, I had just enough to get by thanks to grants, scholarships, commuting, etc.

Regardless this hit me hard and I started to spend all my time with my ex and when she went to school it was extremely difficult for the both of us. I had built a strong foundation with this girl and we were developing a strong love in our relationship. This girl at one point the love of my life, but the first week she was in school shit hit the fan. First I ignored her because I became infuriated with the situation. She had started clinging to some friends and just became really friendly with them, but at the time I did not see this was a result of my actions. I became extremely jealous and annoyed. I felt that I had been there for her so many times, and I just needed her now.

At this point things got out of hand and we finalized breaking up on the day of her birthday. She invited my friends to go to party with her when after she denied my request to go see a movie because she was calling it an early night due to school.

I refused to believe it at first and I have her the constant constant calls and text messages. It was the wrong thing to do, and I pulled myself together and left her a final message telling her I was ok with us breaking up and I hope she found what she was looking for. She immediately started going on about how she wants to me again one day, funny how that works ,eh?? But I noticed as soon as I went along with it she pulled away again.

In the end I decided she was not worth my time because of the person I started to see that she was. Most times I think relationships end for a reason beyond that of what your seeing. Problems in your relationship that you did not come to terms with still mingle in the back of your minds.

During these 6 months I needed to get over this girl and here are a few tips that I have learned, thought critically about, experimented with, and worked from material that I have read.
1. Stay active, and most importantly seriously set realistic goals for yourself. When you get in relationships it is often you put off self improvement because you already have someone, who are you trying to please? Well now you have a whole entourage of women to please (this includes you ex if you still decide you want her back)
2. Have the mind set that she should be chasing you, sit down and really think about the situation. Should you put yourself at so much fault? You were in a relationship that didn't work out because of lack of appropriate communication and support. That takes 2 people my friend.
3. You now have an opportunity to see what else is out there. You may still feel your in love with your ex, but why not self improve your game while your taking a break. You want to improve yourself before you can expect any girl will want to be with you again. Build your confidence and other self improvement you've been putting off.
4. Your friends and family can help, and sometimes that just what all of us need. Someone to talk to and vent with, but remember you must take action for yourself. Make those necessary changes in your life to make yourself stable again. This can include but is not limited to working out, meeting new people, finding new job opportunities, and planning out your future. This really helps and has been beneficial in so many ways.

This isn't the end of the world, and I know because I've been there bro. I'm telling you it's going to take effort on your part and you really need to take this seriously. Take control and action in your life, you know yourself best and if you search you will find what will better improve your well being.

Good luck.

Mortal

Guys

I can' thank you enough for your help and support. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do. I've been hitting the weights like I used to and my muscle memory is kicking in and I can already see my body coming back. I used the loss of appetite from depression to cut some weight and I'm starting to look better than ever.

I mentioned she blocked my Facebook. This means she couldn't see me and I couldn't see her. I noticed she unblocked me, when I was able to search her name with results. I think she is starting to miss me, because her only reason to unblock me (since were not Facebook friends) would be to look at my profile. I intend on remaining silent, but I thought it might be a good idea to send her a letter around Christmas, expressing my regret of how I acted, and agreement with our breakup. I just feel like if I want her back it will be up to me to break the silence in a way that doesn't say "come back to me!"

I'm still unsure if she has feelings for someone else, but I don't think that's what caused the breakup. In fact i'm pretty sure she has feelings for another guy but when I say feelings I mean she thinks he is fun and cute. But this doesn't bother me, I don't see going out and sleeping with this guy, we dated for a year and judging on how I handled the break up I'm guessing she is in the fetal position at night.

Now I know she didn't cheat. Her friend said she wasn't being honest with me when I told the friend the ex told me she wasn't spending time with anyone. She later admitted to this, but I think this guy is just someone to talk to.

I'm most interested in your thoughts on a short letter saying why I did what I did expressing my regret, folowed by a paragraph about how I think the breakup was a good decision and maybe mentioning something about how love is separate from relationship troubles.

thoughts?

All you can do is grow some balls and get your shit together. Hell, from the sound of things, you might even need some professional help.

You will not win her back as she has seen a side of you that will keep her running the other way. So accept that fact right now and move on with your life.

Also, FB updated their privacy features, so she may have 'accidently' unblocked you by accepting the new privacy features. Don't read into that at all.

MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE WITHOUT HER!!!

Best,

J-Dub

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J-Dub in DC

Its better to be the predator than the prey.

You need to be a good player if your gonna be successful at the game.

Your not going to write a letter if you want any chance of ever getting her back... I'm telling you man. Listen to the advice we gave you or your going to be cooked.

point taken.