Hey guys,

I've been seeing this girl for 2 months and we've been a couple for a month and a half. We used to hang out nearly every day in the first month. Lately she is always too busy to come and see me and she wont let me come to her place even for only a few minutes just to see her cus 'it's no use' as she says.

Today I told her she should free up some time for her boyfriend, because she has time for her friends too (she's at friends a lot).

I asked her if she still wants to see me or not because I feel like she doesn't. She told me that she wants to see me but that right now her friends are more important to her than a relationship. Ouch.

I've decided not to consider her as my girlfriend anymore (though I havent told her) and tonight a girl I used to fuck around with is coming over. I really like my girlfriend a lot and when we're together we're great and everything in my life is beautiful, but when she's not around and when she has no time for me, I feel shit, really, really fucking shit.

I don't deserve this, I don't deserve to feel shit. But why am I having trouble letting go? I'd like to tell her that its over because I don't deserve to be treated like this, but I can't (yet?). If I imagine my life without her its just as shitty as it is right now missing her and being treated like crap. I have another girl I really like that told me she likes me last night, and she is great but, she's not as great as my girlfriend (was the first month).

What do you guys think?

Break up with her next phone call and ignore future contact.

See the other girl, have fun, and meet lots of new people. It wont be easy but its best as I was in same situation a few years back.

Good luck !

Ignoring her is pretty hard if we have a lot of mutual friends...bah...she said she'll try to free up some time either saturday or monday...i just texted her back "ok" i dont know what to say to her anymore.

I can give you a reality check because I've been in your shoes.




I've been seeing this girl for 2 months and we've been a couple for a month and a half. We used to hang out nearly every day in the first month. Lately she is always too busy to come and see me and she wont let me come to her place even for only a few minutes just to see her cus 'it's no use' as she says.


"Do you notice that when someone likes you she seems to be everywhere? Like she's the one to call you or initiate to hang with you? I'm suspecting that you hung out with her too much in that first month.. It bored her because you were tooo available.. Gotta understand "challenge" my friend.. I understand because I dated this pretty girl where we hung out nearly everyday on the first 3 weeks.. In the second month I noticed something in my gut, you know that cold something is wrong feeling? I asked her if I can come over and she said "ummm well, nooo I have to wake up tomorrow for school" School on a Sunday? BS.. "


Today I told her she should free up some time for her boyfriend, because she has time for her friends too (she's at friends a lot).

"You mean to say she could hang out with her friends but no time for you? See what I mean."


I asked her if she still wants to see me or not because I feel like she doesn't. She told me that she wants to see me but that right now her friends are more important to her than a relationship. Ouch.


"I would dump her .. Seriously.. Today is Tues.. I have a feeling she's talking to her friends on how to drop you easily.. BTW, if you keep hanging around thinking there might be a chance because once her interest level goes down, it's nearly impossible to bring it up.. it's just being realistic. She can drag you for even 6 months.. I would drop her because I have a feeling she doesn't feel it anymore.. If you allow her to drop you in the next few days or weeks. Your ego will be crush.. "Just say, I need space" Something remarkable might happen here.. She might start to chase you because she's probably never been rejected before.. But be strong.. The deal is when a girl likes you, your happy and she's happy.. WHen a girl gives you mix signals and emotions she's dropped interest and impossible to bring up.. Impossible.. Think about it.. When you don't like a girl isn't it impossible to like her regardless of her giving you attention? In fact didn't it even turn you off?

I've decided not to consider her as my girlfriend anymore (though I havent told her) and tonight a girl I used to fuck around with is coming over. I really like my girlfriend a lot and when we're together we're great and everything in my life is beautiful, but when she's not around and when she has no time for me, I feel shit, really, really fucking shit.


"I have a saying "the person who likes the person more has power" and she has power.. and she knows it... But not today my friend.. Your going to take your power back by letting her go and accept the reality that she's gone.. Not gone gone but gone.. But YOU will drop her.. today or very very soon.. She might say to you even today or sometime this week "hey we need to talk." OOoooohhh .. Let her know "hey we need to talk" and say you need space..

AGain two things might happen.. 1. is to agree and let it be over. or 2. she might say "but I like you it's just there's so many things going on in my life right now.. blah blah blah." What's happening is you've hurt her ego... F'n amazing.

I don't deserve this, I don't deserve to feel shit. But why am I having trouble letting go? I'd like to tell her that its over because I don't deserve to be treated like this, but I can't (yet?). If I imagine my life without her its just as shitty as it is right now missing her and being treated like crap. I have another girl I really like that told me she likes me last night, and she is great but, she's not as great as my girlfriend (was the first month).


"it's called onenities.. Every one in this board has experienced it.. But awareness of it is key. What do you mean imagining life without her? You've only dated this chic for two months.. C'mon man..

What do you guys think?[/quote]

_________________
She can't help it.

BTW, don't be on the rebound my friend.. Go out tonight and meet some women.. It's a must.. Get some numbers.. She will know that your seeing other women and it's attractive to her..


YOu need to get some David Deangelo or Carlos Xumas or The System man.. You could of actually saved that girl you know. Trust me.

That'll be 50 bucks.

_________________
She can't help it.

ok il answer bcz i somehow like you, il grab a beer first , il recommend you grab a beer to. im telling this uber long story to learn you something and save your life.

...realize this first ....

you are seeing this girl for 2 months.... she has friends which she knows for many years.

You can't make her choose between her or her friends doing that will totally sabotage the relationship and make you needy.
If she finds her friends more important you do the same to show your not-needy
never never do that ... don't start ''living together'' without really knowing eachother.

anyway you can't see her everyday .. you have grown used to seeing her that much and she's getting tired of it because she got more things to do.
if you force contact you are being AFC .. you will become needy and the galaxy will implode.
lame excuse for wanting some time alone, don't ask her to come by for a few minutes.

DON't ask permission to pass by for a minute or 5 .. i mean wtf is wrong with that ? she's just afraid you keep hanging around for longer when you do that.
prove her otherwise ..... just visit her .. talk for a minute hug her and leave next time.

or you just respect her wishes and don't visit her.
dude it seems to you ..... you can't think for her ... omg i have to tell everyone sooo many times not to think for their girl.
i know you are emotionally involved and therefore less rational, write words onto a knife and stick in into your head ; '' you can't think for her ''

for all you know she could be pregnant and she could be terrified, maybe someone died or maybe she got some trauma of her former ex-BF who was needy.

WHO gives a shit what she thinks anyway ? will that give you control ? NO it won't give you control- unless you come from the Pegasus star system by spacecrafts and you can read minds.
start thinking what you should do ! 90% of the time she is thinking about washing hair and 90 % of the time you are trying to find out what she thinks.
you got a point here .. i totally agree with you BUT who are you ? her dad ? don't even try to force her for more contact .. INSTEAD do the same thing - reset your priorities and put her below your friends.
your friends are more important.... she is 3th place, friends are second and you are first.

You are giving her attention while she isn't seeking it .... ONLY give a girls attention when they really want it.

Ouch. ???

it isn't a ouch .... she has a different opinion AND SO CAN YOU, stop thinking it's ouch.

i once had a relationship with a girl who thought her dog is more important than me.

i said '' what is the worst thing that can happen to you''
she : well what is the worst thing that can happen to you? you go first.
me : i think you getting sick or something happens to you, what do you think
she : it would be bad if my dog died or something happens to him.
me : ____ all silent .. fucking bitch gdi_____ fucknig feeling bad_ shaking head
me : what if people you know get hurt
she : well yeah that would be bad to
me : shaking head

3 days later we were laying in bed .... she wants sex....YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID?

she : i want you
me : well i don't want you
she : why what are you talking about
me : well you love your dog more .. i think you should fuck your dog and stop wasting time with me - don't think i really find your sex important.

this is how i fucking dealt with this bitch ... she made me feel like crap ... well if she can do this so can i... think about yourself first.
well you aren't looking needy.... DON't give a shit ... the one who breaks lose from emotional attachment will ironically decide the outcome.
still don't tell her yet

remember you are getting what you want ... it's your ego which is playing here.
you feel like shit because she makes you feel like shit ?? no... this isn't true actually, you are making yourself feel like shit.

i know how you feel ... i faced the same situation ...the best thing to do is untach yourself. it's not like she don't want a relationship with you - it's the way you have a relationship with her .. seeing her every day in the beginning of the relationship isn't good for her.

and she decided she doesn't want that.

dude you give way more ... you give more time .. attention and love ... you are chopping of your dick and handing it to her.
then why is the situation what it is ? why did it went this way and not the other way ? WHAT HAPPENED THAT CAUSED THIS SITUATION ?

of course you can think for her but it's better to talk to her while not giving a shit.

god decided you deserved this .... or somehow your actions made you deserve this - it isn't bad or good .... it's the lesson you need to learn.
you need to restructurize yourself and the relationship , you need a improved set of values and inner game.

remember : you want to see her often and she doesn't want to see you much.
if you love someone you respect eachothers wishes, if she doesn't respect yours then don't respect her wishes.

if she cheats you can cheat .... i mean don't defend or don't negociate what you can or can't get.

however think this way : the relationship is set by perimeters and the perimeter / rules are made BY actions and values.
if she flirts with another guy would you be jealous and AFC telling her not to do that ? OR would you flirt with some other girl instead of getting into a unsolvable ''yes and no '' conversation ?

if she doesn't wanna see you much - YOU DON"T HAVE TO SEE HER MUCH EITHER... and believe me everyone gets a situation in his life where you get needy because seomthing happens.
you are great when your together !

HOWEVER when she's not around you feel like shit ? lol you are really telling me your life sucks when your alone ?

you made her center of the universe ! you beat god at that very fast young skywalker - how about you wake the fuckup and put that lightsaber in your ass.
what you are literally are saying is that your life is shit when she's not in it ( around ) AKA you have made her center of your universe ..... you made her miss universe LOL that's bad dude.

when you are alone you should be fine ..you should feel good and coop with youself. there is something missing in your life and i think you need to find it - It's not a girl who is missing.

it has to do with you inner game, there is something wrong and you are the only one who can find what it is. if you can't feel good on your own then every relationships you have is doomed.
somehow you are not fully living your life ... you life is shitty ... stop this shit and jump in .. grab life .. life is too short. i think you got some other problems.
yeah other people can make you believe whatever you / or they want.
how about you stop right here and think why you should get a GF... ? i think you should invest in yourself in a right way.

you shouldn't invest in this girl because you didn't like the relationship ( first month ).
what do i think ?

well ..... you should let you GF know your friends are more important to , but don't say this literally in her face.

go like this : you told me your friends are more important than our relationship...
i agree to some degree , you know your friends for years and we only got something for about 2 months. I don't want to make you choose between me and your friends however i just feel like we should do more fun things together.

beleive me this sounds so f325213521ucking mature , and by not putting up your defense she can't throw her garbage on you. You only got a fight when one side attacks and one defends ( dalia lama )

what do you convey with the above ? what do you tell her in underlying context ?

1. you respect her wishes and you share the same mindset
2. you find your friends more important than her ( theoratically )
3. you don't force her and don't push her in a corner
4. you show only you want to do fun stuff .... she's just missing alot of things

you should be freezing her out occiasionally ( not long every freeze out ) you have to become un-needy you have to become as needy as she is.
not high quality .. not worth it .... don't use her as a way to make you feel better... instead give yourself the feeling of feeling better without depending on anyone.

you should communicate with your current ''GF'' in a mature and emotionless ( no anger and frustration) way.

everything is not as it seems ... do we waste al our time considering all possible options and outcomes or do we contain ourselfs and control ourselfs so we influence the outcome ?

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

what i tried to do for you is giving you a way somewhere in between ( above post) .

now i have to say something from experience.

you have one-itis for sure ... otherwise you wouldn't be so affected. if you progress with your relationship and she dumps you later you will feel so fucking bad.

you could end it right here and right now ...... you are more important than she is.

from experience i can tell you... when you see a girl that much in the beginning the relationship is prone to end. you were to available.

it happened to me 2 times ... first time i got whacked by my ex.. it made me feel bad for 4 months
second time i dumped this girl ( former ex-GF) ... well yeah it made me feel bad but only for 2 weeks.

one mistake i usually make is insulting or hurting the girl while breaking up, this is a nasty habbit of me - i mean you hurt someone already why would you insult :S. however you should just walk away without saying anything , chances are she will chase you which makes you feel much better ''KNEEL FOR YOU GOD BITCH ''

she made you feel like shit .... at the break up you can turn it around by just walking away after saying what you need to say.
don't even start '' we should be friends '' if you tell that you are dumb.... don't give her too much rope to hang on.

here's a fucknig hardcore move you should keep in your mind

she find her friends more important than you ......

if she's starting like '' we could be friends''

react by saying '' o h does that mean we suddenly can see eachother more ? wow i promoted from boyfriend to friend .... you find your friends more important than you BF so that means i get more attention and sex.
well guess what .. your sex and attention isn't important go give it to someone else - i don't want a friend like you.''

girls use the ''friend'' word to control you .... the word friend is somewhere on a shelf between the grenades and throwing knives.

of course you would see her again ... you got mutual friends

how about you keep meeting those friends ... sooner or later you will meet up again - just flirt and go after other girls while she is watching.

she made you feel bad.. what gets around comes around bitch.. this will make her feel bad..
good point.

----

don't be mister nice guy while breaking up ....... she could take advantage of that.
just be sure to ignore her when you see her again ... delete phone number and msn etc.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Lodewijkp I LOVE your posts! I laughed so damn hard and its really good info Keep it up!

_________________
There is NO secret ingredient. Theres just you.

I agree. You are a blessing to this community. Keep it going!

well this post is not as long as lodewijkp

but i cant tell you right now that u are living the life i lived the past 4 months word for word. The outcome (i got dumped three weeks ago)

The lesson i learned:
she doesnt care as much as you do about the relationship
you are making her your center which isnt good at all and she knows it
dont ever let her take the decisions

What you should do:
Get a grip of your dick and dump her ( i failed to do this twice) and i regret not doing it cause she wasnt worth it. (you will realize it later not now because ur too dependent on her emotionally)

You are very close to:
GETTING THE FUCK DUMPED and shes gonna ask you to just be friends and you know what you should say FUCK YOU. and leave and do not ever contact her again delete her from Facebook, Msn, SPAM, Cellphone # and all that other shit.

Assuming the fact that you are gonna get dumped you will feel like shit for 1-2 weeks depending on you attachment, if u remove all connections to her like i said before it will make the healing proccess faster than u think but u gotta follow it.

AND DUDE BELIEVE ME I LIVED YOUR LIFE WORD FOR WORD.
my two cents

Ok thank you all for all the replies they were really helpful and helped me think more rationally.

I froze my girlfriend out until friday and she had time to come over but I told her I was with friends and she was cool with that.
My best friend, who was with me, said that he would go home for an hour so I could have 'a talk' with my girlfriend.
She came over and it was like it used to be again...felt really good. But I manned-up and told her "i dont think you're ready for a relationship yet, and I'm going to disconnect myself emotionally from you" she got a scared look in her eye and I told her that this didn't mean that it was over, but that I'm taking a step back and putting myself in front of everything because I am most important to me. I told her she was still mine and I left it at that, we made out for a while and my friend called me to ask if he could come back and she spent the night with me and friends at my place and we had a great evening.

Thank all of you for the responses, I feel a lot better now after telling her all this.

also about my inner game:

Before I met this girl my inner game was great, I loved who I was and I was confident as fuck...but this girl somehow changed all of that, but i wont let her affect me that much anymore from now on.

good job !

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526