| Hello,
this text might be a bit long, but I think it is worth reading.
When I was 17 I met my perfect girl, 10/10, she was 15, lived 250km from me, and had never even kissed anyone... I felt so special for having someone like her loving me.
A few weeks after we started dating I met her parents and they were quite cool about everything. They even invited me to go on holiday with them and let her spend a week in my city...
Of course that the good times pass quickly, we were naive enough to make love a few times without using any contraception, and found during the summer while she was on holiday with me, that she was pregnant. We panic and try to solve it by ourselves, because we knew that if her parents dreamed about what had happened, they would never let us be together again... Well of course that it was impossible not to tell the situation to her parents and two nights later when she returned home after having an abortion her parents took her all the means he had to talk to me, phone, internet, etc...
Eventually we were still able to keep talking, but very little indeed... and I guessed that the end was near. After 3 weeks she was able to convince the grandmother to let her see me for 5 minutes... and then I went in a 10 hours travel to be with her for 5 minutes... worth every second. For two months I went there occasionally to be with her and most of the times she couldn't be with me, I got to spend two entire days alone there and she wasn't able to meet me... Once it was really late allready and I told her that I had no way to get back to my hometown, and also had nowhere to stay there, she told to go to her grandmother's house, she would let me stay there .. and so I did. Her grandmother was really outstanding, and spent all night talking to me. The next day she told me to stay there again, she would try to get my girlfriend to spent the night there with me... I cannot describe how I felt when the next night I saw her walk in the door. And so, in her grandmother's house we were spending a few nights over the upcoming months ... This whole situation of not being able to talk to her whenever I wanted and not be with her without being secretly took me to get a little paranoid, and arrange discussions for everything... which was terrible because she was having some family problems, parents divorcing.
At the time of my prom I decided to call her father and ask him if I could take my girlfriend with me to the prom, he said he had to think about it, but agreed. That night he even let her spend the night there with me.
Things seemed to improving considerably! This summer had just finished high school and I going to a college near her.
But apparently I had a problem, and spent the summer arguing with her for everything... every time I think about it now makes me sick... I was very jealous, but then I commented Facebooks of my friends saying that they were cute etc. She must have reached the limit and broke up with me in the middle of summer, by phone... we had already broken several times, but never seriously... well, this time was as serious as it gets. I was mega depressed, I spent 3 weeks locked up at home, I cried a lot... I was still talking with her from time to time in the phone, once she told me she was sleeping in his grandmother's house and then I took the train from 05:00am without her knowing, to talk to her personally, of course she didn't like the idea and refused to see me...
After a week, things seemed to be going better, and even arranged with her to go there next week and speak better in person... but this idea didn't last long, that night I was sending an msg to my best friend to ask him if we were going to the pool tomorrow, but I missclicked and sent her the msg instead... she thought I did it on purpose and was trying to play games, and said not to go to see her anymore.
Late that summer I went to a festival, and the first night I called her, she began to say that she hates me and I hung up the call... she calls me a few minutes later regretting having said that and agreed that by the end of the festival I would went to her city to talk.
The night before going there, I talked to her best friend to try to see if she knew if my ex-gf still liked me, and her best friend said she stills loves me a lot... I became so happy and hopeful ...
On D-day, she arrived 45 minutes late and began by saying that it could only be 5 minutes because her mother was waiting for her... I ask her forgiveness for the way he had acted in recent times, said I still loved her and I couldn't bear the idea of losing her. She said he didn't like me anymore... I turned my back and walked away crying ...
We didn't talk anymore. In my bday she sent me a msg saying "happy bday" but that was it.
After a few months I already knew she was dating again, but frankly I wasn't so depresed as I thought I'd stay.
I was starting college and things started going well, I have some success with girls, but honestly I could no longer care about any of them...
Next year I sent her a msg "don't you think it's time for us to start talking again?" She agreed and went back to talk from time to time...
I never saw her again, I never went back to like any other girl, of course I had girls, but never went back to care enough to try something more serious...
She's still dating, but she says that it is more friendship than dating... whatever. This summer I was talking to her and asked her if she wanted to come spend a week with me in my city by the end of summer... to my surprise she said yes, and it was here that I was confused. "Can she come and see me just as a friend?" I am sure that when I see her again, it would take me seconds to love her again... With all these questions I decided I wouldn't talk more about it and we didn't met. But I know eventually I will have to be with her again to get past this stage... doesn't make any sense to be over 4 years with the hope that she comes back to me.
Last week I invited her to go with me to see the Arctic Monkeys concert in February and she accepted. It is a good idea? This summer I was in her town, and when I was on the subway it seemed to me that she was walking towards me, I was so nervous, I guess my heart never beat so fast... when I saw that after all she was not there I calmed down, but I was worried to see that I still have such strong feelings for her...
How f*ck*d up is this?
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CHAT