On the verge of breaking up with my gf but want to save....



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PostPosted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 10:16 pm 
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Ok boys I need your self!

its seems in my relationship i do most of the work. My girlfriend has become very moody lately, she will constanly get in a mood over nothing and some very trivial stuff. so i will try my best to ignore her and sort things out. Its seems one sided to me because as soon as i get in a mood about something, (somthing legit) or react to something the same way she would, she doesnt seem to try to understand me....she'll just get moody or walk away and say fine be like that. Somtimes she will appologise for being moody and admits she was'nt being fair. problem is i can only take so many sorrys, this relationship is stressing me out and taking its toll on me!

The last week has been really bad! she has been very very moody, she has been criticizing me and treating me with little respect...I started to ignore her and last night in the middle of the night when she through a fit I got out of bed, walked out and went home....well now we have not talked at all since and Im not sure wtf to do because honestly she does treat me poorly alot of the time but we also are very god togeather! I mean I have never met a women who I have so much fun with! and a women who other then the respect issue I am so compatible with! I really do love her but this shit has got to stop or I cant take in any more!


Now I know many of you will say fuck her get out and dump her but its not that easy...no Im not going to let her walk all over me screw that Im not a chump! but I also want to make it work and I want to give it one last shit....what do you guy feel I should say or do in order to make things work?


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 6:46 am 
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Dude, u can't have problems, I see u as a guru man..

Anyways, here's what you should do. Tell her that you have something to talk to her about and you need to see her. If she says something like let's just talk about it on the phone, say no..(make sure its face to face). Be blunt, "i noticed you have been being moody lately, whats the deal?" If girls have a problem, they wont tell you unless you dig it out, instead they'll do shit (like be moody) just to signal to you that somethings up. Call her out on all her shit, "if you don't respect me, we can't have a normal relationship. this is how you disrespected me ___." You should also say something like, "Do you want to break up?" and check her reaction. You can follow it up with "I don't want to, but it takes 2 to make a relationship so if you do I think we should." Showing her that your willing and able to walk away will make you come across as a man and will also make her open up to you about why she has been moody. When she tells you her problem, don't try to fix it right away, just let her get it off her chest. If she breaks up with you, it was happening anyway, but at least you stood your ground. Be a man the whole time and I think youll have her back..and I don't know all the specifics, but remember to give her her space, not be too needy, all that shit, etc..


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 11:39 am 
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Quote:
Dude, u can't have problems, I see u as a guru man..

Anyways, here's what you should do. Tell her that you have something to talk to her about and you need to see her. If she says something like let's just talk about it on the phone, say no..(make sure its face to face). Be blunt, "i noticed you have been being moody lately, whats the deal?" If girls have a problem, they wont tell you unless you dig it out, instead they'll do shit (like be moody) just to signal to you that somethings up. Call her out on all her shit, "if you don't respect me, we can't have a normal relationship. this is how you disrespected me ___." You should also say something like, "Do you want to break up?" and check her reaction. You can follow it up with "I don't want to, but it takes 2 to make a relationship so if you do I think we should." Showing her that your willing and able to walk away will make you come across as a man and will also make her open up to you about why she has been moody. When she tells you her problem, don't try to fix it right away, just let her get it off her chest. If she breaks up with you, it was happening anyway, but at least you stood your ground. Be a man the whole time and I think youll have her back..and I don't know all the specifics, but remember to give her her space, not be too needy, all that shit, etc..
haha I know brobut even the strong need help somtimes...shes my achilles heel lol the one girl who can really get to me. I know what I should do but I cant bringmy self to dump her yet.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 11:43 am 
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Quote:
Dude, u can't have problems, I see u as a guru man..

Anyways, here's what you should do. Tell her that you have something to talk to her about and you need to see her. If she says something like let's just talk about it on the phone, say no..(make sure its face to face). Be blunt, "i noticed you have been being moody lately, whats the deal?" If girls have a problem, they wont tell you unless you dig it out, instead they'll do shit (like be moody) just to signal to you that somethings up. Call her out on all her shit, "if you don't respect me, we can't have a normal relationship. this is how you disrespected me ___." You should also say something like, "Do you want to break up?" and check her reaction. You can follow it up with "I don't want to, but it takes 2 to make a relationship so if you do I think we should." Showing her that your willing and able to walk away will make you come across as a man and will also make her open up to you about why she has been moody. When she tells you her problem, don't try to fix it right away, just let her get it off her chest. If she breaks up with you, it was happening anyway, but at least you stood your ground. Be a man the whole time and I think youll have her back..and I don't know all the specifics, but remember to give her her space, not be too needy, all that shit, etc..
Thanks man your right I need talk to her face to face forsure! I think text's and over the phone are horrible because people get brave and say things they dont really mean...then regret them later. She has a temper on her and I know how it will go lol


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 15, 2009 2:57 pm 
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I am new to this particular board but figured I would throw in my two cents. This sounds very very similar to a relationship I just got out of recently. I can tell that you honestly want to salvage this relationship but the odds are stacked against you. Your girl’s erratic behaviors are signs of bad things to come. If she is just constantly shit testing you with her crazy attitude than she is looking for excuses to break it off. My girl would literally do some bad things and then invent some reason in her head to justify it to herself. Sounds like your girl could be doing the same thing. I know this is not what you want to hear but you will be MUCH better off if you let this one go. I had been dating my girl on and off for 6 months with streaks of really good times and then really bad times. Girls like these are going to constantly look for some excuse to throw a monkey wrench into the relationship. It was hard but I finally ended it for good and am much happier because of it.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 15, 2009 11:42 pm 
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Ok so I voiced my concerns to her and what was bothering me and she didnt really seem to show any emotion other then to point the blame at me and act like im crazy...yet she still says she loves me and wants to be with me haha what a joke.

I got mad and told her I want her to respect me and she is not ignoring my texts so I told her I need to think about what I really want and for her to have a good night.

Im afraid I will have to break up with her....I love her to death but Im not geting walked all over!


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 16, 2009 7:22 am 
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if she still says she loves you i think you can still salvage it.. if u want.

think about it rationally, shes bothered by something..it's either you or her. chances are highly likely its you. i know a lot of guys can turn afc in a relationship without even realizing it..take some serious time and think back over the last couple of weeks and see if you did anything afc. you don't have to mention them here, but you have to stop doing them.

if im right, then your lucky. you caught it now. by the time most guys come to this site theyve already been acting afc so long that they have no chance of getting their girl back. but oyu caught it now, while she still "loves" you. you have to go back to gaming her like you did when you first met her (don't answer her calls, neg her, etc..). if you keep being afc you'll become one of those other guys and shell eventually break up with you

if im wrong about you being afc, then the problem is about her (she doesnt like you anymore, likes someone else, whatever), point is theres not much you can do, so break up with her


one more thing. try not to get mad, theres really little you can gain, and you come off as out of control of yourself, whereas if you are always calm, you always appear in control


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 16, 2009 11:42 am 
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Quote:
if she still says she loves you i think you can still salvage it.. if u want.

think about it rationally, shes bothered by something..it's either you or her. chances are highly likely its you. i know a lot of guys can turn afc in a relationship without even realizing it..take some serious time and think back over the last couple of weeks and see if you did anything afc. you don't have to mention them here, but you have to stop doing them.

if im right, then your lucky. you caught it now. by the time most guys come to this site theyve already been acting afc so long that they have no chance of getting their girl back. but oyu caught it now, while she still "loves" you. you have to go back to gaming her like you did when you first met her (don't answer her calls, neg her, etc..). if you keep being afc you'll become one of those other guys and shell eventually break up with you



if im wrong about you being afc, then the problem is about her (she doesnt like you anymore, likes someone else, whatever), point is theres not much you can do, so break up with her


one more thing. try not to get mad, theres really little you can gain, and you come off as out of control of yourself, whereas if you are always calm, you always appear in control
I really did think about it and I need to get back into my old frame of mind...I know better but I just needed a smack in the face to knock me back to reality. Im gunna try to make things work with her but Im going to care less....Im going to live in the hear and now and stop thinking of the future with her because although I care about her I need to be treated well and the reason she treats me the way she does is because she can....she knows how much I care and takes advantage of that.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 1:29 am 
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it's tuff to give good advice here cause at this stage in the relationship there are many unknown variables.

that being said, putting all emotions aside, i will give you a general rule that i think applies universally.

do what will be easiest for YOU

i know this sounds too simple but think of it like this:

will it be easier to salvage? or to break it off? if it will take an exorbitant amount of effort on your part to keep her around and/or get her back, then your best bet is probably to let her go. if it will take more effort to break it off than to salvage it, then then i would suggest you salvage it.

at this stage, you have to start thinking about what's best for YOU, not her, and not even the both of you, just YOU.

after you decide what to do, things may change. in that situation, you can adjust your plan again according to what you feel will be easiest. regardless of which plan you go with, just make sure you stick with it while it is still your plan. if you decide it's best to break it off, then break it off! don't flirt with the opportunity to salvage it unless you really thought about it, and new circumstances have made the other plan look like the better option.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 7:46 am 
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Dark One,
Many people in America do not have the communication skills required to maintain a successfull long term relationship. When you ignore her, you are making the problem worse. When she disrespects you she is acting out her bitter restenment towards you for something you did, or didn't do.

You CAN fix this. If you choose to break up with her you might lose a wife. I recommend you read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

I know you need help now,so, Tell her that you need to learn how to communicate. Take the blame and be responsible. She will follow your lead. After you learn to communicate by reading the above book have her read it. Then both of you can get married and live a happy life together. Don't go back to sarging because you will end up in this exact spot. Our whole society needs communication training for a long term relationship to work. All LTR's have problems, if you don't want to be a bachelor forever then you have to learn to talk about your problems, and understand where she is coming from. It is a two way streak. I hope you can understand me for my words and intention. I wish you the best of luck and I am rooting for your success.

Sincerely,
Magnum45

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 8:31 am 
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I completely agree with magnum45.

I'm in a same situation as you Dark One.

I have wanted to go on the offensive so many times before and the sad thing is, I couldn't help but think this was the only solution. Luckily, I talked to my friend and he mentioned the lack of proper communication between couples. It would be hypocritical of me to say to not display your anger, since I want to do so myself, but when you think about it, it's just not worth it. I wish you the best of luck in this situation, I'll need some myself 8)


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 10:47 am 
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She wants out. Absolutely guaranteed. Being a moody bitch is what women will do when they want out of a relationship because it makes them feel justified in blaming you when it ends.

You need to increase your value stat. The best way to do this in the very short term is to show her that other women are interested in you. You don't need me to tell you how to do this.

Otherwise you are fucked and she will probably end up leaving you very soon for someone else. Word of advice if there is some guy who she occasionally tends to drops into conversation a little too much that's the guy she'll leave you for.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 21, 2009 4:43 am 
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She wants out. Absolutely guaranteed. Being a moody bitch is what women will do when they want out of a relationship because it makes them feel justified in blaming you when it ends.

You need to increase your value stat. The best way to do this in the very short term is to show her that other women are interested in you. You don't need me to tell you how to do this.

Otherwise you are fucked and she will probably end up leaving you very soon for someone else. Word of advice if there is some guy who she occasionally tends to drops into conversation a little too much that's the guy she'll leave you for.
No no bro I know shes is into me and doesnt want to break up I just think I lost my composure a bit there...I fixed the problem and every thihg is good now, actually its amazing! I just need to remind my self to live one day and realize that although I might marry this girl on day I still am ready to walk out at any time...I had it in my head before that she was it and the girl I was going to marry and thats when shit hit the fan! could I marry this girl? yes but that still doesnt give her the right to walk all over me.

Even Randy Moss has droped a few passes in his career lol I droped the ball and Im going to move on and learn from it.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 21, 2009 11:16 am 
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Quote:
Quote:
She wants out. Absolutely guaranteed. Being a moody bitch is what women will do when they want out of a relationship because it makes them feel justified in blaming you when it ends.

You need to increase your value stat. The best way to do this in the very short term is to show her that other women are interested in you. You don't need me to tell you how to do this.

Otherwise you are fucked and she will probably end up leaving you very soon for someone else. Word of advice if there is some guy who she occasionally tends to drops into conversation a little too much that's the guy she'll leave you for.
No no bro I know shes is into me and doesnt want to break up I just think I lost my composure a bit there...I fixed the problem and every thihg is good now, actually its amazing! I just need to remind my self to live one day and realize that although I might marry this girl on day I still am ready to walk out at any time...I had it in my head before that she was it and the girl I was going to marry and thats when shit hit the fan! could I marry this girl? yes but that still doesnt give her the right to walk all over me.

Even Randy Moss has droped a few passes in his career lol I droped the ball and Im going to move on and learn from it.
A willingness to walk (if it wasn't there before) is also a fantastic way to increase your value. So well done and the best of luck.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 21, 2009 8:54 pm 
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I understand that to get over one's needy tendencies one must behave in a none needy way, but how do you expect the girl to trust you if you are always ready to walk away at the drop of a hat?

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