Hello everybody,

been some time since last posted in this forum.
I'm in a dilemma, and i'd really appreciate if u guys could give me ur opinions.

Part 1:

So the thing is this:

I've had an undefined love relationship with this girl, lets call her Emma.
Emma studies abroad and comes back every 4 months. We've always been best friends, until last year's summer where we got very close and started to fall in love
with each other. Sadly, she had to leave as her vacation ended.
We had a month or so after that where we would sit and chat everyday for hours on end. It was awesome, despite being apart...at this point i think one could've called it a long distance relationship.

But it didn't last too long, and she met another guy over at her campus and started dating him. She told me her reasons, she was totally honest with me and said that a long distance relationship isn't what she wanted. She still loved me though, and it's a huge shame we live apart like this. I love her as well, and i understood her reasoning, so i accepted it.
We still were in contact often over chat, but less than before.

In winter then she came back for vacation.
We still had so strong feelings for each other and after a little while, we started having an affair. It wasn't at all like some simple affair though..we were deeply in love. I'd take her out and we'd have sex and it was awesome. The bad side of things I totally ignored in my head.
We had to keep secrecy about us, and in general, she had a boyfriend back in her school, which gave me jealous feelings at times. So then she leaves again, and this time it was absolutely heartbreaking. In a way, we had a perfect 2 months together as a couple.

In spring this year, she suffered a great loss in her family...she needed me as her friend, and i was there for her as best i could. Currently she's having a hard time, with the tragedy, and then her and i have some issues too. I very very much care about her, and we both found it was best that we be just friends like in the past. Problem of course was, that hiding our feelings for each other wasn't that easy, and at times, we'd act more like a couple, one time we kissed while we were drunk, and one time we almost had sex.
The undefinedness of our relationship was becoming hard to bear, leading to more and more confusion, thus our friendship was suffering from it.
The peak was yesterday when we both met our friends to hangout, that i got jealous because she was being close to one of the guys. I found it so hard to bear and was in a bad mood throughout the meeting. I told her later that i was sorry for acting up so stupidly even though i am not in the position to be jealous. I was making her uncomfortable and in general it all became a big mess. So today i caught her on chat and she told me she's putting an end to whatever we had. completely.

It was clear that we both needed to start acting properly and really have to get back in friendszone, emotionally and in our actions/behaviour.


Part 2:

Since 2007 i've had a chat-friend, a girl (let's call her Jodie), and we have a lot of interesting conversations.
She lived abroad, but now she's back for vacation. I've never really talked about her to Emma. I don't know why, i just never found it worth mentioning her to emma, and partially i was scared emma would get jealous (which is actually totally unlikely).
So Jodie is in town, and wanted to meet up finally after being chat friends for so long.
I can imagine that we'd have a good connection, and i personally would really like to meet her.

The thing is...i am wondering if i should tell emma that i'm going to meet a chat friend that i've hardly ever told her about, and especially now, out of all times, after we sort of 'broke up'. I am scared that she sees this as a simple rebound thing. I mean, i dont even know if this is not a rebound thing. One of the reasons i wanna meet jodie is to get my mind off emma, because these jealous feelings were totally killing me, and pushing her away from me.
So if i told her beforehand, i'm afraid she'll be shocked at how quickly i'm distancing myself away from her, which i dont actually want to happen.
I do want to be emma's good friend again,
i do accept our breaking up, because the relationship was totally unhealthy.

But i also want to be honest to her about what i do, i never tell her lies.
My struggle is, should i tell her beforehand that i'm going to meet jodie and that i might start smth with her if things work out? Or would it be too hurtful, too cold towards her?
Or should i keep it to myself, and later, when i tell her, risk that she'll feel even a bit cheated on? Or should i not meet jodie at all due to the current emotional struggle i'm in?

Jodie is right now just a friend, and there are no expectations. I'd be totally happy with being just friends with her as well...so am i overanalysing things?

thanks for digging through this long post, i appreciate any responses
~base_player

I don't think you need to tell Emma about Jodie. What's the point if you no longer talk to Emma.

no, we do talk. we both really wanna be friends like we used to be, seeing as how a relationship isn't gonna work out for us.

So yesterday i met up with her (emma) and our friends circle, we had a great time and at the end of the day i brought her home. we talked about the 'ending evrything we had' and she said she felt sorry, worried that she hurt me. i told her that i'm going to meet up with a girl i met on chat a long time before because she's in town (it's jodie). Told her i'm just gonna meet her and jokingly said "if i like her i'll take her, if not i'll introduce her to our friends".
that was a mistake. She totally got the feeling that i'm rebounding on her the day that we 'broke off'. what i really want is simple make friends with jodie, introduce her to my other friends because she'd told me she wanted to meet new people in town.

Now i can't deny i felt like seeing another girl after emma told me she's ending it.
Not because i was mad at emma, i totally get her reasoning and i agreed.
i just felt that i needed to get control of my jealous feelings and thought maybe if i see somebody else it'll be easier to be a friend for emma. this is obviously disrespectful towards jodie because i'd just try to get her with an ulterior motive of adjusting feelings.

that night (last night) i've texted back and forth with emma a lot about everything.
she said she mistrusted me because as she put it:
first i was her friend, then she was the love of my life, then i want her to be free and guilt-free, then i get cold and weird (jealous day just recently) for nothing she did and now i want to see smone else.
She looks at it like that and sees a player in me.
but this is ridiculous and i've told her how i'm shocked to hear her mistrust me like this. i was really mad.
So then she says she has a mistrusting side. she loves me though and all that, just she doesn't want t get hurt. i'd never hurt her and i told her.
then she totally goes saying that i can date whomever i want and everything will show in time.

but the thing is i want her to know that i don't want to date jodie now, for i just don't wanna use her as a rebound. The only problem is that i told her i might date her, when i did think earlier that i might, thus causing her to distrust me.

how do i communicate that to emma the best way?

Just stop talking to Emma for a day. Then for a week. Then do it for another week. It gets easier each week that passes. Then you will stop caring about her because it seems as though you have some feelings for her based on how much time you must have spent writhing these posts.

Sorry man you have to let her go. You are worried what Emma thinks about you hanging out with Jodie. Why should you be worried, you're not her boyfriend and she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. Just do what you want to do and I can't stress enough you need to get over Emma as soon as possible. The sooner you stop caring about Emma the better.

You should only be friends with Emma once you have gotten over her. Otherwise you will end up driving yourself insane.