Okay so I'm going to describe my situation in a detailed manner to illustrate an accurate idea of my problems/relationship. I'll set it out in segments since it could end up being my life story.

If you can't be arsed to read the build-up, just read the The Relationship & Problems segment, which is the last one that states the problem.

The Beginning

5 years ago, when I was 16, a girl and I formed this unusual bond over MSN Messenger and oddly enough started liking each other despite never having met. Now of course I wouldn't have even comprehended the idea of PUA at the time, however I had never really had problems with that department even at that time anyway.

In spite of being 'good' with girls in general, extrovert, cocky and generally and outgoing person whilst dating a few girls, it was always this one girl that sort of stuck out and unleashed my inner wussy. She always wanted to meet up, but I'd be too afraid to see her. By the time I was 17, she had even come to my college several times, along with her friends to see me but I'd always back out and flop on her. Despite my lameness, we still resumed speaking on MSN and our chemistry and feelings were still there. At this time she was in her final year, of an
all girls school. She hadn't had TOO many guy friends, just average like what most girls would have really.

The year after, she started college and she began making an immense amount of guy friends. It was gradual, but I still noticed how many guy friends she was making as opposed to her female friends, which I was used to before. Now bare in mind, we pretty much love each other now and our feelings couldn't be any stronger....of course we haven't even met yet.

So another year goes by, and I start University, and I've moved out of London (which is where we both used to live) and I'm not living in a flat with a few friends. After a few weeks, I finally work up the courage to meet her and we meet for the first time. I act like a complete wussy by being over-excited and constantly hugging her. She seems more in shock and surprise but slightly happy. And yes, a friend accompanied me when I went to see her. I even got him to take a picture of us hugging, but it was me hugging her with her not really responding back. In spite of this, I went home pretty happy whilst I got a few texts back from her she "seemed" happy but I sensed something was wrong.

After this meeting, we only met up a few times and things just didnt seem to work out so well, I didn't know what to do as well.

University

Another year goes by and we had previously decided to both go out of London to Surrey University. I ended up going to another university, but still located in Surrey and she went to Surrey University. We only met up once or twice that whole year for about a few minutes, dreadful meet-ups nothing happened.

This is the point where she started going out clubbing, socialising with more guys, expanding her social circle even more with guys whilst my social circle with girls was decreasing IMMENSELY...this hit me hard. She'd put pictures of her and other guys on facebook, there were and are so many.

PUA

My friend had discovered the the notion of PUA. We were first skeptical at first, but began trying stuff out and seemed to work. I made a conscious decision to take out 4 months away from University and sort this area of my life once and for all. I had been stuck with this one girl and things hadn't been as good since me and her "started". I missed all my lectures and focused on this aspect of my life and everything was getting back on track. It was probably the best few months for a few years. I was gradually making so much progress, taking notes on what to improve...I began meeting new PUA's and at least got a few numbers and a snog by the end of each night, and these were intelligent and beautiful girls. By the end of it I met a girl I liked, beautiful, intelligent and rich (not that money matters). She was 3 years older than me mind you, and we started dating.

By this time, I was known as a "natural" with women with all my friends, and my social circle had expanded again and things were going great. The only thing I was lacking was a solid girlfriend, which was pretty much what I was seeking, and this girl seemed to be it.

Just when things were going great with the new girl I was dating, my previous "girlfriend" came back again. She started realising that she was slowly losing me big time and that I was moving on. This had gotten to her badly. She wanted to meet up with me, since she still felt attached to me and felt she had feelings. So we met up and the dynamics and chemistry and everything was different, in a way that it was perfect for once.

After this we began meeting up more than we ever did, feelings came back and finally we decided to be girlfriend and boyfriend and this was the first big step we managed to take after SO many years.

The Relationship & Problems

So this whole build up, is about where we are at now. The problem is, the relationship itself, like when we are together is amazing, the feelings etc. But there seem to be trivial problems that block my happiness every now and then.

For starters, she has a lot of guy friends that call. She has told me countless times they're just friends and she constantly tells me how she feels about me and how she loves me (MUCH more than I do), so I do believe her of course. But it isn't about trusting her with other guys, to me it's about respecting your boyfriend.

Does anyone agree with this?

I feel as though her maintaining so many guy friends and constantly meeting up with them, texting, on the phone etc seems to disrespect our relationship a bit. She even has lots of pictures with all these guys on her facebook, but refuses to put any pictures of us up because her family might see.....and when I ask her wouldn't her family see pictures when shes clubbing with the other guys etc..she tells me shes blocked family from those pictures......so then can't she block ours?

She even has a wall of pictures in her bedroom, shes got 2 pictures of dudes, 1 with her and 1 small picture of another guy, which she says it was silly for me to get annoyed about. Mind you, there isnt one picture of me on the wall either...

Another problem is, the fact that she would still go out clubbing in hotpants or skirts even though we are together. But amplifies this problem is the fact that she never dresses like that for me.

What do you think?

Our current situation is basically, meeting up once a week and I stay over (this is because she works now). She seems to love me, constantly calling me, telling me how she feels, always texting. And when we're together foreplaying, she can't get enough of it...

So to conclude my story, we've gone through so much over the years and its taken us SO SO long to get to this point, whilst everything is going great at the moment.....why does seem to constantly meet new guys pretty much everyday....no exaggeration at all...

Why does she not have any pictures of us at all? We've been together for months now...

Why does she not dress like that for me, but do it when she goes out clubbing?

That'll be the end of my story, hopefully there will be people who'll read it and respond and help me out!

Cheers dudes

Donnie

I cant really say I can give any great advice. I aint no pro.

But your situation sounds exactly like the one I was just in with my ex (from like 3 weeks ago).

I hate to say it : but this was one of the primary reasons I ended up ending the relationship.

She had tons of guy friends who she would basically flirt with. Obviously, these dudes wanted to get with her and despite whatever she says: she knew this. She had all these facebook pictures with her at clubs with different guys etc. and she would claim it was innocent and that she loved me etc.

Now she is hot so this is bound to happen but I feel there are boundaries.

I didnt mind when she did this initially in the begginning of the relationship becuase she sweated me like crazy/she was smothering/wanted sex at like 10 times the rate I did/she'd often have facebook picture with me as her profile pic etc.

But then, we kind of went out of the "romantic" phase and she started acted like this more and more.

I think she is needy for male-attention and dangerous.

The problem is when you confront her directly, even tell her its disrespectful, she's going to think or say "your insecure".

Now, your situation doesnt sound as bad as mine (so far) so for what it is worth,
I feel that these are your options: (my two cents)

1- Mirror her. Do the same thing if you can (I tried this and it drove her completely nuts). Even for fun, this is great and when she says anything, you say hey, you do the same crap.

2- Freeze her out. Tell her you need some time to think becuase you find her behavior disrespectful or shady. Never return her calls/texts etc. for a couple of weeks. Only call her back if she acts insane and cries profusely. If she doesnt do this: it's the end/breakup

Hey cheers for the reply.

Well it sounds similar, with the difference that your ex-girlfriend actually put pictures up with you too where as mine doesn't want to.

As for the options, I've mirrored her sooo so many times. She ends up getting really jealous and then begins to chase me more. In fact I always mirror her, but in all honesty....in the long run, in terms of the problems I've stated; it doesn't get anywhere really.

Of course it probably has other subconscious benefits, like maintaining the attraction, reminding her that I go for other girls anytime etc.

And I've done the latter option too, she definetly stops how she is and starts showing more "respect"...BIG TIME....but again, in the long run she goes back to her same ways.

Oh and yeah they always come out with the "insecure" card, and to an extent they are right which makes it worse.

Relationships....sigh

I want to say that you are the "provider" in her life and that she only needs you to look after her and her offspring - but when you say that she seems to enjoy the ofreplay, it makes the matter more confusing. It may be best to say that you are somewhere in the middle. This is how I think you should see the problem as - how she views you. I have a feeling that this girls is a sort of a "praty-girl" and I really dont have much expereince of them. Its best usually to avoid them.

I do have a couple of questions though, wich may help me to understand your releationship better and maybe offer some advice. Have you ever gotten her really emotional, as in not just happy but sad as well....to the point of crying or actually crying? How is your love lide with her? Is it exciting diffrerent and interesting everyday or is it the same routined day everytime you see each other?

You are right though, though many members here would are scared to express their concers of their girls interaction with other guys because they are afraid they might look AFC/jeloous - its still disrespecting you as a man and the relationship. BUt am sure there is a solution to this. Good Luck.

Well as for the provider comment, and to help you understand the relationship a bit better. I've never taken the "provider" role at all with her and this is something she mentions but still loves me regardless apparently. She's the one who always pays more, she has a top job at the moment, I don't. Financially she's a lot more secure than me and even when we go out she buys the drinks for me, I'll just try to compensate but leading and choosing the drinks etc.

Yeah she has cried, several times and they were pretty genuine, not over petty little things to seek attention.

It's excitement everytime we see each other and we actually haven't ever done anything adventerous or really fun, which I really want to organise for her, she's complain about my lack of effort before. She's not pratty spoilt at all, we're always happy just being next to each other.

Yeah. The mirroring thing got me the same results. I hear ya totally. You go around in circles but the issue stays. It's true. But it was kind of fun watching her flip out like hypocrite;)

I hate to say this, because I might be projecting my experience too much onto yours, but to me, its a deal-breaker.

I dont know if she is a big flirt or not, but mine was.

I just feel that it is just matter of time before her flirting goes too far. If she is hot, these guys are making passes at her and she enjoys the male-attention. She likes having these men around to make her feel secure about feminity/attractiveness (possibly). Every sensible woman should know that alot of these guys are "only friends" becuase they are hoping for something more. If it pisses you off, she should change. What's the big deal? The relationship should mean more than that silliness. See, in the early stages of our relationship, my gf would have done anything for me and if I told her that, she would do it - change her behavior. It wasnt until the romance phase started dying that she began acting out like that. Go figure. Consciously or unconciously, I think she was fishing around for something new.

And if she is a party-girl/sensation-seeking type too, I just feel it wont help matters.

I would take a break and be specific about how you feel it is disrespectful behavior and that you wont tolerate it. And then, freeze her out - no contact.

If she does not comeback begging, to you, I feel its time to move on. Just my two cents. I could be wrong.

At least, this is what I eventually did and have no regrets (but of course, there were alot of other factors in my situation).

Btw, this is why I started that other topic. Cause I feel there are certain women (particularly party-girls) which dont seem to be able to sustain long-lasting relationships. Obviously, you gotta guage if your woman fits this bill or not.

Either way: Good luck

Yeah I totally agree with you. I've noticed though, most people that seem to mention this problem also states that they never faced these problems at the start and that it started happening when the romance phase fizzed away. I wrote the buildup to how we got here, which took place over so many years and we've been able to maintain the romantic phases, mainly because I've taken things slowly and precisely to maintain the balance and that the battery of our relationship doesn't run out so quickly, rather taking it easy and stopping to charge at times too.

I wouldn't say she's a party girl per se, but she definetly goes out as much as time allows her and would get drunk, which also annoys me. Because it begs the question, "Why are you going out in hot pants and getting drunk?"

And what a coincidence, she just texted me telling me she's going to go out to on the day we were supposed to meet and she's like "you should come too".

I'm going to start by saying that I am a girl with a lot of guy friends. So I think I understand your girlfriend well in that aspect. Personally, I don't have lots of guy friends to make others jealous or anything like that; I have guy friends because they are fun, and personally easier to meet than girls. I have several very close girl friends, but as I get older, I find it harder to let girls in my close social circle. Plus when I go out, I get approached by guys who will ask for my number...some turn into just friends....but I don't really interact with new girls when I go out to clubs. And if I do talk to girls at a bar, it is just casual conversation. It seems awkward to befriend a random girl that you met at a bar.

I would say that if you two are exclusively dating, only seeing each other one time a week is not a lot...not a lot at all. Maybe you have circumstances that prevent you guys from seeing each other more, but if you want a serious relationship (which it seems you want) then I would say you need to see each other more. When I had casual relationships, I would see them once a week.

Also, I never tell my family about guys that I am dating unless it becomes serious. I just don't like all the questions. So maybe she doesn't view your relationship seriously enough to tell her parents (or have pictures up which would lead to questions).

So she dresses sexy to go out to clubs....I think this one is pretty self-evident. That is what women wear out to clubs. When I go clubbing but I am not dressed appropriately, I feel out of place and then I'm not in the mood to dance and be at that venue. It is about looking and feeling the part and getting yourself into the mindset for the night's events. Do you take her anywhere that would warrant her dressing like that? It isn't comfortable to dress like that, so if you invite her to the movies or something laid back there is no reason for her to dress like that. She knows that you think she is sexy. Girls, dress like that so they feel sexy (and women feel sexy when guys are staring at them).

Bonita this is an interesting response so I'm going to add to it.

What you said about having more guy friends in your social circle is similar to her response about it, she claims that they're a lot easier to get along with than girls; i.e. they're more straight up, don't bitch etc etc.

We are exclusively dating, and it's only recently (for the past 2/3 weeks) we've been seeing each other once a week because she's started work and has moved even further away from London. So I have to commute to her place and stay over. We met a bit more before, 2/3 times a week at most, but even then she was relatively far away from where I am because of her University. I totally understand her placement job which she's going to be working for a year for the reason we can't meet up so often.

About family, she's told her brother and mother about me and she's even said she would marry me haha. I don't think the pictures has anything to do with her family, because she could easily block her familys from seeing the photos on the internet. And also, the photos on her bedroom wall, obviously her family aren't coming down to her place to see that and even if they did they'd see another guys photo, which I found disrespectful.

I agree, it is a bit inappropriate for her to dress like that for me when we go to casual places and it's more for clubbing. But is it right for her to be dressing in hot pants etc to feel sexy, in spite being in a relationship? Doesn't that almost destroy the point of being in a relationship? Plus, besides where I take her that would warrant her to dress like that, I stay round her place everytime I see her....could she not at least put the effort there? Last week I stayed over, as a joke I was insisting she didn't have a shower and to do it in the morning so we spend more time together, but she claimed that she would be in "shorts" if I let her go. And she knos I have a huge soft spot for legs, but she returned from the shower and didn't even put that effort for me.

I honestly do look at other couples, and see a lot of girlfriends with wussy guys treating them so well, not in the sense of always telling them she loves them etc, because my girlfriend does do that. But it's the little things that I reckon that are most important. Like her putting effort for clubbing to feel "sexy" in order to get into the mood and have fun etc is fine, but it's not when she doesn't put the effort with me, even when I'm in her bedroom where I would say it is appropriate. I've been with her for 3 months now...

Hi mate, read your post.Very interesting. I can sypathize with you as i have exactly the same problem as you do now. My gf has lots of bloke mates, in fact all her best friends are blokes. Like u she has pics of her with them and none with me. She calls texts them/meets up with them all the time. It has started to eat away at me to be honest. HOWEVER, recently i started to mirror her actions, i uped my game and turned real alpha male on her, i started texting any girlmates i hade, also (sly but works) i asked them to give me a call when i knew id be with my girl. I also cut down on contacting her. This eventually drove her crazy and her affection for me increased noticably. What i concluded from my actions is quite clear: 1) that you need to show that you have other people who might be potentially interested in 'stealing' u away from her. 2) Shows that you have options which would make it easier for u to walk away. 3) It hands the power over to you and enables you to be the more dominant one in the relationship.

The only problem with this is that the situation is not one hundred percent resolved as it hasnt changed her from seeing her bloke mates. So im wondering whether this is just a temporary fix scenario. I'm happy for now but i still get bothered when she blows me out to see her friends as she seemslike keeping them seperate from me which is the opposite to me (she has met nearly all my mates, yet ive only met two of hers)

I If i could give u some advice i would say alpha male up and act like you really dont care. An examplewould be if she is going to meet her bloke mates,say "yeah okay thats cool im going to meet a friend tonight anyway, have a good night" Thats all you need to say. Obviously it depends on what type of girl she is,but she seems very similar to mine.

Good luck bro.

Hey man, I feel your situation, sounds pretty similar to mine. See the mirroring seems to work temporarily but it seems to fade away after and she goes back to her usual ways. However, that being said, maybe I'd need to constantly keep up the mirroring until it's properly become apart of my life, that it happens naturally anyway.

And man, about the telling your girl friends to call whilst she's there....I've done it too. It's annoying when so many of her guy friends call her and none of my girl mates seem to call when I'm with her or at least not as much as she recieves calls. So sometimes I resort to telling my girl friends to call at certain times.

But yeah the mirroring does work an extent, but she will still see her male friends and meet new ones pretty much everyday...nothing I can do about it seems besides like you said; alpha male up and act like I don't care. I guess in time, we'll see what happens.

Is it right for her to dress in hot pants? That is a philosophical questions and I hate philosophy....does she HAVE the right to dress in hot pants, YES! Just because a girl is in a relationship doesn't mean she has to pack away all her tight clothes. You think it is wrong for her to seek that external validation from guys when she goes out (by the means of guys checking her out)? Well that makes her human. We all seek external validation. That is why we get dressed up to go out, that is why we do our hair. Do you feel better about yourself when a girl checks you out or flirts with you a little? Should you walk up to that girl and tell her to stop checking you out because you are in a relationship now? No, that would be silly. If that is how she gets some of her self-esteem then let her do it. She isn't cheating on you, she is just human.

And it makes sense why she doesn't dress that way for you. If you are just hanging around the house when you see her, she has no one to impress really. She knows that you like her for being her. She doesn't need to prance around in tight clothes to get your attention. On the chance that she does wear something that you like around you, make sure to compliment her...tell her she looks sexy. It will reinforce the behavior. If you want her to do that for you, you need to communicate that to her....I'm sure she can't read minds. And if you don't want her wearing those clothes out to clubs, you have to mention that too...only, I'd be careful about that one. Frame it as a request because it upsets you, don't make it a demand.

As you said, it is the little things that are bothering you....welcome to relationships. No one is going to be perfect. There will always be little things that bother you. The trick is to learn when to give and when to take. I mean, you can't fight about every little nuance...sometimes you just have to accept their imperfections. If you like everything else about her, and if you like her despite the way she dresses when she goes out, then you can let this issue go. Don't fight about this...save it for something worth fighting for.

Delsol00000 suggested a jealousy plot because she hangs out with a lot of guy friends. That will for sure make her jealous, but be VERY careful with that. Should you be trying to make her jealous? Are you that insecure within your relationship? By all means hang out with people....hang out with girls. You are allowed to do that. But I wouldn't suggest waving it in her face to make her jealous....it will just blow up into a fight. You can't expect her to abandon all her friends just because she is dating you now.

You have only been dating 3 months which is a pretty short amount of time. It can take a while for both people to "act" like a couple...and by that I mean think and behave with the other person in mind.

Bonita, that was an interesting post there and most of which I agree with and was quite refreshing to hear. You've pretty much put things into perspective and I have to agree with most of the things you've said.

As for the communication part, I have told her several times both subtly and explicitly. She is completely aware of how I feel about those issues, I have told her about each one of course she hasn't acted on any of them but I guess I shouldn't expect her to.

I guess my problem is, trying to resolve those imperfection so she can be exactly how I want her to be thus being affected by every little nuance like you said.

I'm torn between either fighting harder for the relationship and giving it all up because there are other girls who would show me more respect, as I see other girlfriends doing to teir boyfriends.

Just to add, she sent me a text this morning saying she misses me, I didn't reply, she now sent another one saying "You dont like me anymore do you xx".

Deciding to end a relationship is a personal issue. If you truly cannot get past the fact that she will not dress more provacatively for you and not at clubs, then maybe that is what you need to do. On a scale of 1 to 10 (one being a paper cut and 10 being cancer, how does this issue rank?) Think about that anytime you find a nuance. You can't break up at the site of every problem. Working through disagreements and the collaboration that ensues from the debate makes couples stronger. That is what forms the bond that sets them apart from couples that love each other, but don't make it. Respond to her text kindly