Hey guys,

I've been with this girl for nearly 5 months now but I have a problem in that she won't really have any serious conversation with me and talk about her own life or her feelings. It annoys me especially when she tells me she feels sad but then when I ask what's wrong, she just won't tell me. Is there something wrong with me here or what?

Cheers,
Brendan.

If you want her to open to you, show her that you empathize with her feelings without trying to get to the cause of them. She needs to trust that she's safe to discuss emotions with you without fear that you're going to treat them like a problem to be solved. (This is actually true of most people.) You may sincerely want to help her overcome her sadness, but she has to trust you first, so you may need to show restraint until she feels okay telling you what's on her mind.

This is particularly true if she isn't able to identify why she's sad. Suppose that she's depressed and couldn't point to a specific event that caused her sadness. If you were to ask "What's wrong?" then the only thing she might be able to answer is "There's something wrong with me." That's a huge vulnerability.

I'm afraid that I don't know specifically what you ought to say to her, but trying to reassure her in some way that it's safe to share her emotions with you, that you care for her wellbeing, and that you can listen and understand without immediately trying to FIX might make it easier for her to open up.

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Some vices miss what is right because they are deficient, others because they are excessive, in feelings or in actions, while virtue finds and chooses the mean.
Aristotle, Ethica Nichomachea

Thanks ZEGlass. I can see now what I was doing wrong.. She doesn't normally open up to anyone and admits to finding it hard to. However I should empathize and gain her trust, I guess, before even trying to solve her problems.