Hi guys,

Got a small problem with my gf in that she has a best bloke mate. I dont take issue with it but recently it feels weird around him, like i cant help feeling a bit inferior to him because he just knows everything about her, they have there own private jokes/terminology/slang, he text/rings her even in the morning to say what he had for breakfast!!! It really started to bother me only recently.I went to a BBQ with all her family,(first time meeting a few of them). Her friend just got on amazing with all of them and i couldnt help like feeling a bit outplayed. She also goes out clubbing with him alone alot and although there is not much danger i feel that IT COULD be later down the line.I say this because i read somewhere that u can tell if the bloke has a secret crush on the girl if perhaps he "can never seem to find the right girl" - Which is exactly whats happening with her friend. He even said to me at the BBQ that he just cant seem to find a girl that he gets on well enough with. This rang alarm bells for me cause he gets on soooo well with my gf, and towards the end of the BBQ especially i was left wondering who out of the two of us was her bf!!!

They do alot of stuff together like go on bike rides, he helped her paint her room which i would have liked to do, they go clubbing together, they go to lunch/dinner together.He comes round hers alot, at the BBQ i turned up to find him serving/cooking the food. They laso made the pims together. ALL this adds up to danger in my eyes...
Also id like to know what u guys would do/feel about her dancing rather "sexily" with him(arm round necks) when they do go out clubbing. They have been best friends for years so im not sure how to handle it and wether she would think im too controling by telling her she cant do that anymore. I think another important thing to add is that before i was going out with her, i saw her try to "kiss" him on the dance floor of which weirdly he pulled away....(she was so hammered though)

How would u guys handle this situation?

Should i try to phase him out as a main role in her life? EG- making it so when she has a problem she calls me not him...? If so how?

Should i be bothered about them dancing together as they do?

Should i be bothered about him calling/texting her all the time? If so how wouldi deal with it with out looking controlling?

lol who's she sleepin with again? not sure some girls get along better with guys but if hes there everytime! You might want to ask him if he came give u guys some space once and awile note if you come off like a ass he could probably get your relationship ended

man, that's the kinda shit that would make me pretty damn angry. good work putting up with it. this has happened to me before and what i did was become good friends with the guy myself and started doing stuff just me and him. that made my girlfriend kinda jealous and she stopped spending so much time with him.

hahaha my friend is in a similar situation, his ex gf who was a ltr started going out with this new guy. By new i mean he wasn't in any of our social circles.

So, what do we do to this new kid??
Make him our new best friend!!
Now this kid is our friend and we like to joke around saying that this new kid likes us more than he likes his girlfriend. We don't see him as a threat, our social circles are extended, and most importantly, we're having fun!.

i think you need to talk to your gf about RESPECT.

in a relationship you need to respect eachother. having someone on the side that you do everythign BUT cheat with is still pretty disrespectful in my opinion. I think you should tell her in a very confident and serious way that you feel disrespected, and it is important that your girlfriend show respect to you (qualification). i don't think you would disrespect her like this.

also, i don't know enough about your relationship and whether or not it is healthy. some girls just don't want to be the one to break up, so she may be diong this trying to show you she wants out (hoping you will break up with her).

the problems you are dealing with are obvious on the surface, but i think you have to dig deeper to find out what is causing them. in my opinion, something is either fundamentally wrong in the relationship, or fundamentally wrong with her.

I'm fond of the idea that girls have two ladders. One for friends, one for lovers. It sounds like this man is all the way up the friend ladder. We're talking really high; if he fell off that ladder they would both be very hurt. It's also very hard to move from the friend ladder to the lover ladder, which you are slowly climbing up, step by step.



Girls have certain needs they fulfilled. Lets not forget they are social butterflies that rank their social value very high up for NATURAL reasons. This friend of hers tends to those needs by answering her every text, hanging out alot, etc. Yet, she is not having sex with him; I've seen many situations where a girl's good friend starts hitting on her and tries to move to the lover ladder, but instead he just falls off the friend ladder, breaks his legs, and is unable to climb either ladder again. She most likely says "he got creepy all of a sudden and ruined our friendship".


You, on the other hand, fulfill her lover need. She's attracted to you, and there is always tension between the two of you. She spends every moment of the day with the other guy, where there is no tension at all. I see this friend of hers symbolizing her freedom and space; sort of like her shield. If she has a lover, a big test is how that lover deals with her spending time of the day with her friend. Does he get jealous, or does he give her that freedom?

See it as a good thing. The minute she senses you are jealous of her spending time with the other guy, you will seem insecure and weak, and fail her perpetual "I have this friend so I get some distance" test. When she hangs out with the other guy it gives her time to miss you, to want you, to fall in love with you. In this case, I'd say you have to either accept your role as the lover, not the friend, or remove yourself from this whole predicament and find someone else.

I like the ladders analogy alot! Very good advice. Totally put it in perspective for me. Reminds me of that film "just friends" Thanks alot!

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Think logically, not emotionally.

I have a simular problem. Whenever we are going through tough times he appears like a bad smell. I know he is her 'girlfriend' even though I have never met him. It just seems to be when we fall out he appears to say everythings ok and I'm some sort of w*nker!

Not sure if this is the right way of dealing with this but I've told her that the more time she spends with him or any other guys the less time I want to spend with her.

At least the guy in your situation isn't gay (or is he?) and trying it out on with you! He probably has no game either and if he made a move on your gf she would sack him off totally. If she didn't then you would be free to find someone much better for you, looks, bod and personality too.

I would say don't worry about it just make steps to improve your own social circle and hey, if that includes new girls in it - then so be it