Ok, this will look like a long post - but I really need your help! This has really been eating away at me.

I've been seeing my girlfriend (Sarah) for about 6 months now. We're in love and have a happy relationship without major problems. We're both at different unis, she's 2 hours away but we see each other every weekend without fail.

Her exbf (Alan) lived in her university halls with her last year. Towards the end of last year they had a relationship which lasted a few months but he then went behind her back and got with another girl (who is now his girlfriend) but didn't tell Sarah. Sarah found out and was understandably pissed off - but the two (Alan and Sarah) already signed a contract to live together with 5 other people in a house and they have done this year.

When we first got together 6 months ago, she would tell me how she fucking hated him, couldn't stand being around him for what he did, avoided all conversation and only spoke to him when she absolutely had to. Then about 2 months ago she goes and signs another contract to live with him next year (this will be the 3rd year in a row). She's living in a house with 4 others, but only the two of them from their current house.

I was like WTF and was weirded out by it. One minute she hates him, the next she's living with him. Then she tells me that their relationship has changed and she's now friends with him. I asked "would he be in your top 5 friends?" and she said "truthfully, yes". I'm obviously pissed off and she said she understands me, but she can't live with anyone else now and the deposit is already down.

As for Alan, he's a total arse. Not just because I'm jealous but he's already cheated on his new girlfriend a bunch of times and pretty much takes anything he can get. He's not nice to Sarah - all I see him do is take the piss out of her. He would definitely sleep with her if he got the chance - he has no real morals... fuck, the girl he just cheated on is his exexgirlfriend who now thinks she's pregnant but his new girlfriend doesn't know and he's unapologetic... yet my fucking girlfriend still considers him a bestfriend??

I'm very jealous that she spends loads of her time with her exboyfriend, I don't think it's right. I'm not a jealous person and she has loads of male friends - I don't have a problem with, but being best friends with your ex seems is too much for me. It's especially bad as I only see her 2 days a week and they see each other for 5. I'm dreading seeing pictures and videos of them pissed together in clubs or at the house on facebook - stuff like that will drive me crazy. I trust her 99%, but it's not really about the fear of cheating, just the general principle. She's having fun, joking about, getting pissed and spending social time with her ex... I not comfortable with that, especially not in a distance relationship.

So how do you guys think I should act? At first I was doing what I thought PU taught me. Be cool with it, don't let her see what it's doing to me, get the higher value. But it REALLY does get to me. He answers their door and all I can think about is them two shagging, they write on each others facebook and I see them in pictures together - it's really getting in the way.

I've told her how I feel and I'm not sure how far I should go. If I let her know all this she will simply not tell me what they get up to and not let me see their interaction. If I don't let her know how I feel it's going to keep eating at me inside.

What do you guys think? I mean, it's not normal is it? If you're serious about your relationship would you really live with your ex partner? Even if you were good friends/nothing sexual, it's not right? I don't think it's fair on me, especially when you chose your friends, why chose your exbf if you're in a new relationship?

I think this is definitely not fair from your GF, you are absolutely right. It's never good to be jealous but in this case, everyone should understand it cuz it's far too much. It's not really about the jealousy itself but about feeling like an absolute idiot among other people who know how the things are. Fuck, I think your girlfriend has an inexcusable bitchy behaviour. She plays with you.

I know it's hard and probably no proper solution but try to stay cool and look for another potential GF around your place. When you have this reserve, face your girlfiend not with your feelings (never show you are really so "desperate" about the whole shit) but just the fact that you think it's not fair, not good for the relationship which is being slowly killed by her behaviour. Be brief. Then, start to be still more and more distant but do not comment on it at all. Going out more with your new potential GF or friends should help to keep your new behaviour. The aim is to give her a hint why your behaviour changed (you feel like an idiot) but also making her think more that there might be also something else, e.g. other girl among you. I say again, whenever she asks what's wrong, try to change the topic or just briefly tell her "I told you already". Do not comment on it even if it's tough. Don't loose your dignity. If she feels she might be loosing you, her thoughts will turn back on you again.

In the end, fuck your "new potential GF" and break up with the previous one heh just kidding.... thought it might be a good step....

That's what I would do.

Good luck.

I havent read all your post, but I have been in a similar situation and ended up getting cheated on. She broke up with her old boyfriend around a month before we got together. We where living in different cities. I met her at my work at my parents house and moved to college after we started dating. We saw each other on the weekends. I started getting a growing suspicion that she was cheating on me. I didnt act on it at first, but after she started texting him openly, I knew I had to confront her. I talked to her about it and she denied doing anything with him. We where in bed and she got really quiet and I could tell she was depressed. We lay in silence until she confessed going over to his house and "making out with him...but thats it". That was enough for me, I kicked her out of my room and life. Having to constantly worry about your girlfriend cheating on you is an unnecessary and unfair situation to be in.

Listen the girl likes you both. There's really not much you can do to stop her from talking to her ex.
You've got 2 options either you can deal with it and believe she's not fooling around with her ex or you go look for other women who don't have baggage.

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